Attachment Issues

[Springer80]

Also do you think it is healthier to attempt to resolve these things inside of an adult relationship (ie. where sex/intimacy is involved, sex can be very healing with the right person) or with a therapist, which is an artificial environment in a way, ie. you are bonding with someone deeply who if they do they're job correctly you'll never see again, which (I've got to chortle at this point), is not what attachment is about?

 

[Pencil]

I agree with you but I'm so far gone that I can't do either :alien:

 

[Pencil]

The most I can hope for at this stage is to try and understand it. And it has helped, I do have a better understanding now of why I can't form or handle attachments that can survive my fear.

 

[Pencil]

Meet The E.P's (Trauma Diaries).

Springer, I can't find it, please direct me.

 

[Pencil]

to attempt to resolve these things inside of an adult relationship (ie. where sex/intimacy is involved, sex can be very healing with the right person) or with a therapist

Are you able to do this?

 

[Springer80]

This is what I've been trying to do the last two days,

Hi Pencil,

That's good, I think we both must be on the right track. I've got to say my eyes felt a little hot when I read that. It's such a massive relief. I think I've said before you have to attach to yourself first and that is the realization I meant about being tha not being separate from it and trying to coax it out....Ie you exit that conflict by entering.

I'm screwed on the next bit though. Still metaphorically fumbling with keys.

Should I just move the EP's over here onto this thread and join in here properly?

 

[Springer80]

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/meet-the-e-ps.32353[/DLMURL]

 

[Pencil]

Should I just move the EP's over here onto this thread and join in here properly?

Yes! Thanks, for doing it.

 

[Springer80]

I agree with you but I'm so far gone that I can't do either :alien:

You can't do either so far....

The most I can hope for at this stage is to try and understand it. And it has helped, I do have a better understanding now of why I can't form or handle attachments that can survive my fear.

Gee Pencil,

I know it's often best to manage expectations but I'm not doing all this sodding work for some semantic conundrum? If I figure this out I deserve the loveliest man in town. Don't mean to be stroppy with you but if all this effort doesn't amount to something I'm gonna throw one hell of of a hissy fit.

 

[Springer80]

Yes! Thanks, for doing it.

No, thank you for the vote of confidence :).....will do it now.

 

[Springer80]

Ok...below is the first two posts from the now closed Meet The E.P's...see the link above. I've brought them over here because at it's core it is attachment related and Pencil and I are at the same stage.

EDITED 'Meet The E.P's'.
Below was the beginning of a therapy sounding board/log that was created in order to utilise the sensori-motor body psychotherapy techniques I got taught back in September to overcome the related attachment issues.

I have a depersonalization disorder and most of my ptsd problems are no longer acute, due physical burnout/CFS and being off work. The E.P's in the title refers to the secondary level of splitting in dissociative disorders. ANP is apparently normal personality (ie the brave functioning face) EP's can be one or more. If your ANP's are split into alters (tertiary level) that's DID (formerly MPD).

The first two I auto drew in a dissociative state (I've included them on this thread for context), the third I couldn't articulate at all not even visually, so I just made a representation of that from feel (this one is the reason I've pasted all this over to here).

Meet the E.Ps..............................
(All the work is original to me as is the photography, please do not reproduce without consent, they are as you may well imagine, highly personal to me. Thanks)

 

[Pencil]

You can't do either so far....

No. I don't want to be negative and bitter and twisted, but I really can no longer do it.

Two years ago I had huge operation and spent 14 days in hospital. Due to blood clotting problem that runs in the problem I had to get warfarin injections - and they hurt like hell. The op was sore, the morphine and injections hurt like hell and the warfarin was just too much. I remember the pain, and thinking towards the end that I couldn't, just couldn't handle the pain any longer. I stopped the warfarin on the third last day, thinking that I'd rather die of trombosis than handle one more warfarin injection.

That's where I am now with attachment and emotional agony and turmoil. I cannot handle any more! Really!

I stopped going into relationships, romantic liaisons whatever, 10 years ago as I could not handle it any longer. The irony is that attachment can, as you point out, Springer, only be dealt with with .... erm .... someone to attach to. I can't handle one more attachment bugger-up.

Sorry, I get carried away.

Regarding attachment between the EPs and ANP: This, of COURSE, is where the problem lies. But solving it is an issue, even though I'm trying to get there. And so I read (and I identified so much I nearly did a back-flip sitting down):

"Apart from phobia of traumatic memory, the ANP may also develop phobia of EP, which is a specific form of phobia of dissociative parts of the personality " (Trauma Information Pages, Articles Ellert Nijenhuis, et al (2004).htm)

Thus: I'm allergic to myself as well :roflmao:

And this brings me, once again, to the issue of self care - how do I take care of a part of myself if I have a phobia - a fear, a hatred - of that part of me? Little bits I've posted all over this forum make a whole. So it makes sense in my own head, but probably not to anyone else.