Rumors,
"But I guess my question is, do you attach without meaning, content, sharing, and interaction bc of some pre-destined thought that everyone will eventually leave?"
If you do believe they'll leave, which I believe myself, that's a self-worth issue. If they see the real me, they'll leave. In my life, I was constantly told I was worthless and everybody did leave/neglected me/abandoned me (no romantic attachments for me), so I have good reason to believe that. I do know I didn't "attach" to anyone, ever. I looked at my mom as a kid and knew down deep she didn't love me. My sperm donor and brother were way more important than me.
Maybe the reason we don't have relationships that are meaningful has more to do with the negative messages we ended up believing about ourselves rather than this attachment theory. It seems far more simple to find why we do what we do and try and fix that rather than fit in some diagnosis. C'mon, something like 50% are misdiagnosed anyway. It just seems to me, since it's that bad, they don't know what they are doing.
And, by the way, that's Shame you learned.
"At the core of all wounds is athought / belief that we are not good enough, that we are bad, that we’ve done something wrong. This thought seed usually gets planted in us as children when our energy fields are wide open and we are scolded for doing something or being a certain way. This generally comes about from innocently rocking the boat of a caregiver and unconsciously triggering their unhealed wounds, which then gets projected out onto us.
Most of us were conditioned to believe that it isn’t okay to feel our feelings, especially the really strong emotions that threatened our caregivers’ world when we expressed them. So, sometimes unconsciously and with good intentions, they did whatever they could to influence us to bury the feelings.
I know I wasn't allowed feelings, period. I wasn't even allowed needs (see Needs below).
Then, as young children we carried this belief seed of “not good enough / bad / did something wrong” and usually another reprimanding “event” occurred that caused the belief seed to take root and grow. Each time we were reprimanded and made wrong for being who we were, the “I am bad” thought was rethought and eventually became a belief."
My worthless thoughts come from sex abuse (I was raped very young) and child abuse (mental, physical, spiritual). Neglect, abandonment, etc. Religion was used as control so I thought God hated me and though I was worthless, too.
What needs were not met?
Four Basic Emotional Needs
The need to love and be loved.
The need to belong and have a sense of purpose in life.
The need to have a positive self image.
The need for autonomy, that is a need for some personal, private space and control.
Some may add the need for security to this list of emotional needs. We believe that people who love and are loved, who have a sense of belonging and can see purpose to their lives, who believe in themselves, and who have a sense of control over their own lives are secure individuals.
· Accepted, acknowledged, admired, appreciated, approved of,
· Believed in,
· Capable, challenged, competent, confident forgiven,
· Forgiving, free, fulfilled,
· Heard, helped, helpful,
· Important, in control, included,
· listened to, loved,
· Needed, noticed,
· Powerful, private, productive / useful,
· Reassured, recognized, respected,
· Safe / secure, supported,
· Treated fairly, trusted,
· Understanding, understood,
· Valued,
· Worthy
