The Concept Of An Inner Child... Not Really Buying It

[intothelight]

TB,

I am glad it is working for you. If I remember, I will deal with the memories as they come. I think I just hit a point in life where I am more concerned with living well in the present and realizing the past is the past. I dealt with the trauma from 20 years of an abusive marriage, and that gave me the tools to handle the memories.

I think the cancer diagnosis and treatment has changed my perspective on a lot of things. My focus is on the now and living as well as I can. Time has a whole different meaning.

 

[therapybankrupt]

This is EXACTLY the experience I've had recently -- 100%.

I am so happy for you Pietro! I know for me how this has helped with my journey. It isn't the cure all but it sure go my healing headed in a positive direction. Hugs and Best wishes on you journey.

TB

 

[therapybankrupt]

think the cancer diagnosis and treatment has changed my perspective on a lot of things. My focus is on the now and living as well as I can. Time has a whole different meaning.

You never have to feel you need to explain yourself. Although I am glad you shared that and I am truly wishing you healing with the cancer and past marriage issues. You are dealing with what you can right now and I totally understand from that perspective things would change you journey. We all are on our own paths walking in the shoes only we know where they have been. I am sending you a boat load of courage and strength. Please accept.

TB

 

[Pietro]

@therapybankrupt

Thank you! It has done the same for me. Good luck on your journey as well!

I think I just hit a point in life where I am more concerned with living well in the present and realizing the past is the past.

I am waiting to get to this point. But, at least, I can sort of see a point in time where I might actually make it there. 6 months ago, this was not true.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hashi I am so glad and appreciative to you for bringing this subject up. I do not believe I have a inner child. I think psychology has done alot of damage to alot of people.

I can appreciate that this concept may help people but it never helped me. I think the past is the past and there were developmental tasks that were not achieved in my life.

I was taking care of the adults in my life from a very young age and never learned how to play. I cannot relate to me having an inner child.

I am so thankful to you for providing a platform for me to express my views.

I believe there is now and I am trying to make the best of now for me. My quality of life is so much better than when I started therapy in 1985.

EMDR has done more for me than all of the years of therapy I was so committed to.

I wish you well on finding your answers.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Hashi,

To me the inner child concept is different to what you describe your 20 year old self to be. To me the inner child is the concept of who one is as a child and is not a traumatised state.

but I see DID and alters as something different from what I'm talking about here.

I don't know what you think of emotional parts (EP's) in structural dissociation theory. In many ways what you describe seems much more along those lines to me. It is a traumatised aspect of you at 20. ? It isn't DID as DID is further along the scale (and obviously a different ballgame) and according to structural dissociation theory PTSD falls under this concept (where there are pockets of trauma). Certain things (such as complex PTSd) mean those states can be more sophisticated.

I suspect some therapists use the terms inner child to describe a traumatised state that developed in childhood. So to be clear I would differentiate between the concept of an inner child, and a traumatised state or EP - no matter the age of that state.

child isn't one that I can relate to at all.

I've wondered if it's to do with the nature of my childhood,

How do you feel about you as a child generally? How do you feel about you in terms of being childlike and vulnerable? I think some of us feel uncomfortable not being adult and reject our child side (not assuming this for you and it is rather a question).

Personally I find the concept of an inner child very disturbing for me. I brings a sense of panic and rage (aimed at myself).

I do suspect it is usually used to connect with compassion and to build good self parenting but it hasn't worked for me and I would not be able to have a therapist suggest it. I am also hanging onto a supposed single identity for dear life.

What could the benefits be? Helping the person fill needs they never had filled in childhood. Help develop self nurturing and care. Acceptance of vulnerability when young.

Instead, I'm encouraged to see myself at 20 as part of my past and the effects of that trauma as part of my present

I think that is perfectly healthy approach no matter what the age is that the trauma occurred.

I think the separating can be a problem when people use it as a way to avoid responsibility. I guess there is the issue of self compassion and ways to make that happen but different things work for different people.

 

[nimkekaa]

Inner child work for me has been very positive. I don't really see it as having a bunch of little me's that need help.

Inner child work really took off for me when I remembered a certain traumatic event in my past and then found a photo of myself at that age. I then looked at the little girl (8 years old in this incident) and realized that she was so young and looked so small and innocent. I was asked to ask that little girl (really just look inside myself) and ask her what she wishes the adults in her life would have said or did for her when this event happened.

It was really weird because I knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted someone to tell her that it wasn't her fault and that she did nothing wrong etc. So then I looked at the photo and told her the things I wanted to hear that I knew she wanted to hear. It was very powerful healing. It was like having someone truly understand what I needed.

Then afterward when I thought of that event things were easier. You could say that I healed my inner child, or that I helped myself understand what I needed (that nobody else really understood or could give me) and gave it to myself.

I don't know if that makes sense but I really struggled with the term inner child work also. I didn't feel like I had a separate person inside of me that was a little child. But I did have a piece of myself that was scared, confused and couldn't move past that event until it healed. Thinking of the pain that I went through when I was 8 years old and putting a face to it of a little sweet girl made it easier for me to let go of some of the guilt etc that my adult self seemed to force on a little child.

Anyway I hope that makes some sense because until you actually find some healing from what is called inner child work it is really hard to explain.

I love inner child work, the way I have experienced it.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I think psychology has done alot of damage to alot of people.

Hi Gizmo can you elaborate on your opinion. I was curious to hear your reasoning. Thanks

Tb

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Tb,
I had alot of really bad therapists that did not really help me at all and made things worse for me. The things they were doing were not working or helping me and I was so gullible, vulnerable, and naive and swallowed their nonsense as truth. They caused me to have false memories and my life at that time was pure hell.

I actually did so much better when I woke up one day and realized I would be in therapy for the rest of my life and I needed to learn how to think for myself. I began to really heal. It took me so many years to recover from the damage they had done to me.

One thing I am a firm believer in is EMDR. That has been a life changing experience for me and the quality of my life is so vastly imporved for the better.

I chalk up all of the bad from not knowing how to think for myself as the bad therapists led me so far off of my path towards healing.

Anyway, I hope this explains and helps alittle. If you have any more questions ask away. Hugs. Just my opinion based on very bad experiences with so many bad therapist. I was too good of a victim. I swallowed whatever they said without ever questioning it. It caused me so many years of grief in my life.

Now I am about putting the past in the past and focusing on today. I still have the occasional flashback and nightmare and of course I have anxiety, but it is not as bad as it was.

I was raised to be the perfect victim and was thrown out of my families house two weeks before I graduated from high school.
I did not know anything. I am so sorry I did not have the ego to be able to think for myself and question things.

I do know how to better take care of myself these days and the naive and gullible and vulnerable me is no more. I gained alot of wisdom through all of my bad experiences. I guess you could say that I got badly burned. I am so glad those days are all over.

 

[therapybankrupt]

One thing I am a firm believer in is EMDR. That has been a life changing experience for me and the quality of my life is so vastly imporved for the better.

Thanks for the reply Gizmo! I am sorry you got burned. Hugs. Being gullible and vulnerable when we are searching for help is easy. Who do we trust? I have trusted the mental health system for nine years. I have also been mislead in a diagnosis and wrong treatment. Some helped some hurt. Then told I was done. I did survive through it.

I am being very cautious as I move forward. I also have learned much from the past, I still have to trust in what I am doing on my journey though. I am now in EMDR working with the inner child work and I see positive changes at this time. I have more hope than in year's. Not sure how it will turn out but I am totally in for the long haul.

 

[Hashi]

I'm feeling like the worst thread starter! There are so many great posts and I'm still not able to go through properly and respond about what's being said. What people have said here is really valuable and I need to give it some thought, but my thoughts have been hijacked by something else right now.

Please bear with me. :bag: I appreciate the discussion here very much. I'm not sure when, but I will be back.

 

[Pietro]

What? This forum isn't your primary life priority?! Sheesh :p

I think you should take credit for starting a thread with an excellent topic.