The Concept Of An Inner Child... Not Really Buying It

[JustBe]

We're not going anywhere Hashi! :geek:

 

[Privateer]

I'm not sure I get the whole 'inner child' thing. There's nobody else in here with me; it's just me. Those things didn't happen to some other person, far off in time and space; they happened to me.

So who and where is this child? As far as I'm aware, I don't have an 'inner child'.

My wife, on the other hand, most certainly does have an inner child, but he's my son and I don't think he understands any of what I say to him yet.

 

[Pietro]

@Privateer,

This would mean that your wife's inner child is only temporarily inner? ;) Congratulations, by the way!

No one would EVER suggest the things you've been through didn't happen to you. That would not only be beyond rude, but reality-challenged.

The "inner child" concept occurs both as a visualization mechanism for understanding the emotional part of yourself, and also, more technically, as a basic example of something called Structural Dissociation Theory (there are others in this forum who understand this much better than me). It has a wide continuum, from conceptual to real, in the case of someone with multiple personalities. It's not just a "pop psychology" gimmick, even though it often gets treated like that by many of the pop psychologists. :)

Maybe once your son arrives, since he'll have been an actual inner child so recently, he can explain it to all of us.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The inner child concept can be difficult to grasp. I didn't until I went to an intensive trauma program for two weeks and it was two solid weeks of working with various parts of myself, not in a DID sense rather the inter family systems sense where everyone has parts.

I think I would do a disservice to the concept of parts therapy and the inner child if I tried to explain the entire concept, so I'll just explain what it means to me.

My inner child is only about 4. She's young and innocent and carefree. She's never going to grow up because its her job to be the best 4 year old that she can be. She was traumatized. I was once her, but I am no longer. Rather she is just a part of me. I have changed since I was 4, so in a sense the trauma didn't happen to me, the me I am today.

Yes I know this sounds convoluted, but it's how I see things. One of the best parts of my trauma work was separating all that is me into different parts. One part being the inner child, other parts belonging to emotions.

My inner child likes to do 4 year old things. Play with clay, draw with markers, swing on the swings, run through the park. She's the childlike part of me that likes to have INNOCENT fun that isn't adulterated. Don't anyone take offense to this because I'm not trying to insult anyone. But when someone says they don't have an inner child, I kind of feel bad for them. I wonder why they don't have an innocent fun side (read fun sans adult influences of sex, drugs, alcohol, etc).

And that is what I see an inner child as. I really hope the couple having a kid has inner children of their own or else that kid is gonna grow up in a stuffy adult world with parents who can't/won't/don't know how to play with him. Does this get to my point of what an inner child is?

 

[Pietro]

Interesting that the program you went through actually had you separate the parts out. But, actually, this makes sense -- hard to work with something that you can't definitively identify. And, as I think about it, I think my experience has been about the same -- trying to identify things going-on in my mind, and placing more concrete "borders" around them so that it's easier to find them again and work with them.

In any case, your explanation makes perfect sense to me. :)

 

[therapybankrupt]

I can take separating the parts out one step further for those having issues with understanding the inner child. This is if you are comfortable and open to this idea. Find pictures of yourself at the approximate ages of the trauma. Now you have your analogy of the inner children or child. A visual to relate to.

 

[Whitneys story]

but he's my son and I don't think he understands any of what I say to him yet.

Hmmm, is she eating dill pickles and Ice Cream? :rolleyes:

 

[Whitneys story]

Hashi, Please take your time. I am thoroughly amazed at the insight presented here.

I know I am an old soul, I never had a childhood. Trauma began at 1 1/2 and now @ 61 I am learning to listen to my inner child.

Thank you for starting your thread! Whitney

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The program used a type of IFST---inter family systems therapy in which we all have parts. I loved it because I already compartmentalize everything else in my life, why not my trauma and emotions?

 

[Privateer]

I can take separating the parts out one step further for those having issues with understanding the inner child. This is if you are comfortable and open to this idea. Find pictures of yourself at the approximate ages of the trauma. Now you have your analogy of the inner children or child. A visual to relate to.

But that's just a memory. 'Me' at that age no longer exists.

See, I'm more than capable of having 'non-adult' fun but I don't at all think there's some sub-division of me that enjoys those things while the rest of me doesn't.

The way I see it, there is only one 'me'. The thing that calls itself 'me' may like many different things, but there is no distinct 'child' part, no 'other' lurking inside who likes different things from 'adult-me'. It's all just 'me'; one single being.

 

[intothelight]

Haven't been back to this thread for a few days, and wow, there are a lot of great responses.

But when someone says they don't have an inner child, I kind of feel bad for them. I wonder why they don't have an innocent fun side (read fun sans adult influences of sex, drugs, alcohol, etc).

I definitely have an innocent, fun side, that can experience things with wonderment, awe, pure joy, etc., but that necessarily isn't reserved for children. I think that people observe this mainly in children as they are more open to expressing these emotions publicly. Even at 52 I will hop on a swing, go as high as I can, and shut my eyes just to get that "feeling" of flying. :)

Find pictures of yourself at the approximate ages of the trauma. Now you have your analogy of the inner children or child. A visual to relate to.

When I look at pictures of myself at the age of the major traumas, I might as well be looking at the pictures that are put in the frames that you purchase in the store. Intellectually, I know they are pictures of me, but there is no memory or emotional connect. There is nothing....just dead space. Anyone else experience this?

It's all just 'me'; one single being.

This statement resonates with me as I do not feel fragmented. There was a time where I felt broken, and it was certain traits or skills, such as being organized, enjoying life, capable, etc. that felt broken. Basically, I was unable to do what I could do previously. Never felt that I wasn't "whole" person at some level.

Sometimes I wonder if I was just very protective of "self". I know that a lot of the barriers and defenses I put up as an adult were to achieve that goal. Is it possible the memory loss and disassociation were methods to protect "self"? Musing of an overly active brain.

 

[shell]

Today I used to the concept of my inner child in EMDR, and rescued myself as a child of 8 from an incident in which I was being violently tortured and abused by my mother, by me as an adult. For the first time ever I felt like my mother had no power over me anymore, I stood up to her, and told her to stop, and removed the child self, it was very liberating.

It was easier for me to envisage that, as I had already spent so much time doing inner child work, and learning to have compassion for myself as a child. I used photos to learn how to connect to myself, it became easier by relating to her as someone else's child, then over time I made a connection that it actually happened to me, and to stop punishing myself for being abused.

Don't give up on it just because it feels silly, it really can help if you have the right mindset.