The Concept Of An Inner Child... Not Really Buying It

[Whitneys story]

@Eleanor, How is it that the inner child does not experience or subjected to the emotions the child has seen?

Does an inner child protect one from reality? Or do inner children reveal deeper trauma?

 

[Hashi]

When I think of the inner child I think of a sense of innocent thoughts about things. About thinking without jealousy, hatred, bitterness, anger and all the other dark thoughts developed as we grow depending on our environments and past experiences.

The inner child would be free of those thoughts, free to see things as new and fresh, free to explore without restrictions and negative thoughts.

saffy, I would say in some ways I relate to this and in some ways I don't.

I can't see the child state as innocent or carefree. I see children as born needy for attention and approval and as a result they will often get upset, angry, worried and distressed, as babies do from birth. As a result I can't separate insecurity and behaviours like cheating, lying and being mean from the idea of childhood. Along with more endearing qualities, it's part of the nature of all kids.

What I think you're talking about, though, is a sort of essential state, before being shaped by outside influences?

If I've understood correctly I think this might relate to what I see as the Child archetype. I work with archetypes (Carl Jung, and then what Caroline Myss has later written about them) and I can see something of what you say in that - that there's an original child aspect within us. Jung said that the Child archetype includes the potential to learn and change, which I like.

There's some overlap between archetype work and sub-personalities in psychology. I think this is different from what's generally meant by "inner child". It's not an individual identity shaped by our experiences or consciously chosen by us at some point. It's a type, a general pattern of thinking and behaviour shared by many people. It then drives our individual reactions to experiences. An archetype has both a light side and a shadow side, and often we react from the shadow... so again, I can't see a child aspect of us as nothing but innocent and good.

For example, if I was abused when I was four, my reaction would depend partly on which Child archetype I have. If I had the Nature Child archetype I might withdraw and seek solace from being with animals. If I had the Wounded Child archetype, I might be very focussed on thinking I did something wrong and must try even harder to please the people around me. If I had the Orphan Child archetype, I might respond by becoming tougher, harder, shrewder, and more closed to other people.

I think I do understand your concept of focussing on innocence and freedom. Ironically, I see that as a more enlightened, adult thing. I see the essential child state as one of complete vulnerability, and that it's only as an adult that I can be liberated because I finally have the power to be. It's wonderful that you can see that in the child state... I wonder if your Child archetype is Magical Child? Unfortunately, I'm a tough, hardened, closed Orphan Child. The state of being a child - certainly childlike innocence - can't ever be safe for me, so I think it's not a visualisation that I could use. I need to be a powerful adult to create that safety.

Which comes right back to whether I'm creating safety for my present self alone, for my present self including aspects of my child self that are still with me, and/or symbolically for my younger self. People have made a lot of interesting points about that. Still thinking...

 

[Hashi]

I just want to say how amazing the responses in this thread are. I could never have found this kind of insight and range of ideas from any book or online resource.

Even when I think a bit differently from what's being said, it's helping me to clarify my own views.

 

[saffy]

What I think you're talking about, though, is a sort of essential state, before being shaped by outside influences?

Hi Hashi

Yes it is more to do with a state of being rather than a behaviour or a regression to being a child. For me it more about a way of thinking. A way of ridding myself of dark and harmful thoughts that manifest from memories of my past and of fears for my future.

For me to find inner peace I had to think in an innocent and unharmed way. So I guess that would be childlike.

I was interested to read your thoughts on how you see childhood and all the concepts of it. I try not to compare it to a type of child. If I did the child I would choose to think like would be the child who is free, unhurt both physically and mentally, allowed to be inquisitive, feels a sense of innocence, with no fear, shame or doubt, no self loathing or disappointment , no anxiety and do not over think things, keep things simple.

I think visualizing yourself as a person without PTSD, how you would think about things, how you would do things, how you would present yourself and deal with things is to allow yourself to be how you think you want to be. I want to see that My age and experience can give me the insight so I can think about what I have learnt from it so far. No repeats for the future. What sort of things I would watch out for, what sort of feelings would I expect to have.

The rest of the time I want to enjoy life as if everyday was new.

This is the only way really I can explain it really. I suppose it started as a coping strategy and is evolving to a way of thinking. It has helped me to change the way I think and feel.

I think though that everyone has a different meaning or name for their inner child. I like to think butterfly's in the stomach is an excited inner child which makes me smile. :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Abstract]

Hashi I have not kept up with all the replies as I can't concentrate but I did read your responses. And yes, in my mind true inner child or parts work is similar to archetype work or concepts. Mostly along the transactional analyses route (which I think is more complex than it first appears). And I agree it is often used differently. And I think two things result from that. One is the controversy about part work leading to people thinking they have dissociative identity disorder and the other is along the structural dissociation theory path. I am not mentioning these two because I have a fixed opinion about them as I tend to have various thoughts about them and still an open mind (to an extent). Rather just putting it out there. I am thinking that your approach to how to deal with your traumatised 20 year old self (looking at healing and affects in the present) may in part relate to these concepts if I am not mistaken. I can't put that into words at present.

I am not familiar as to how jungian or other achetype therapy would approach your orphan child archetype. If there is an attempt to change things or if there is rather a focus on acceptance and working with it. My knowledge of achetypes is limited.

I also just wanted to say that I have seen a playful side of you and an innocent feeling side (I hope that is OK to say) and in transactional analysis those would be child states. I am not sure how comfortable you are with them of course.

I definitely have a playful present side but have much difficulty dealing with certain other aspects of feeling states in certain contexts. Can't put that any better either.

 

[Pietro]

I think that different people/experts have suggested both models for the "inner child". Some suggest that it's a conceptual way to regain the innocence and playfulness of childhood for an adult who's life has become stale. This is a fine concept for someone who didn't suffer trauma as a child; for someone who did, though, childhood is anything but innocent and playful.

In trauma therapy, the "inner child" concept is often a "friendly" way of introducing Structural Dissociation Theory to someone. It's a whole lot more accessible than "ANP's" and "EP's", for example. ;)

The confusion seems to be that the concept has been adopted by different schools of thought and, thus, defined in different ways -- much the way different sects of a religion interpret fundamental parts of the religion differently. And, unfortunately, none of this is made clear to us laymen. So, we have to go on forums like this and figure it out for ourselves, together. :)

 

[Abstract]

I was just reading something on the forum and it jogged my memory a little and crystalised my thoughts about part of this. Its that inner child work fits into a range of concepts that look at the different parts of our personality or sub-personalities. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subpersonality Still trying to make sense of how this all relates to me and am fairly open minded in general.

 

[Tanishq]

Clearly I must be missing something about this inner child idea.

Hashi, I think the same. I do find hard to digest inner child concept. I can't understand it fully.

I think people talk about inner child thing instead of nurturing their heart.

I am carefully reading this thread.

 

[Tanishq]

Eleanor points out developmental tasks, and I think those are an important part.

Yes I have missed most of developmental tasks. It is almost most.

people paint or play to let those memories communicate

Thanks 91 girl. I have been painted by many people, family and parents umpteenth time.

 

[Whitneys story]

I have been painted by many people, family and parents umpteenth time.

Jaret, I think girl91's post might not have translated to what you are thinking.

I hear exactly what you are saying! Our families don't paint pretty pictures of us. They are negative.

However some therapists use childlike activity such as painting to allow us to find our inner child. To do things we might have done as children not suffering effects of our family, doing them now. Playing! :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

I am sorry Whintey and 91's girl.

I thank you Whitney, for telling me to see its right meaning. I understand it now the way it should be taken. It does help doing childhood activity what we missed during childhood. :)

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why is trauma at different ages approached differently?

It has to do with the stage of development that you're in. (I have a ton of paperwork on this from my trauma hospitalization, but it's "somewhere" unknown lol)

The age of my trauma corresponds to my biggest struggles. I think I was in the safety (?) stage, of forming trust in others, and that's why it alludes me to this day. I wish I could remember the details more clearly!

However, I'm not sure the exact relationship between this and the inner child as my inner child work came later.