Hello, I just signed up for these forums after two years of following them on and off. Like many of you, I found these forums while trying to figure out why my partner was suddenly acting like I was ridiculous for thinking we were in a relationship after many months of...being in a relationship. I have read everyone's stories multiple times; I have read nearly everything on the supporter forum actually & I guess it's time to join the discussion because it has just happened to me AGAIN, this time with a different person. A little bit less severe this time around, but still. It is brutal. I want to stop walking down this street.
The worst part, or maybe the best, or most humorous part is that I do trauma therapy for a living. I've been working in the trauma field for many years. Because of my privacy & my concern that clients could potentially read this thread (because most of my clients have PTSD, why wouldn't they find this place?), I won't ever say much about where or how I do my work, but I'm serious about it and good at it. This does not seem to matter when it comes to my personal life however.
My stories are the same as everyone else's: the person has a big trauma history, they come on strong before pushing away hard. A trigger event occurs (yep. Two times in a row). The person starts to put a limit on communication, both in-person and phone/web/electronic. Also what you talk about. On facebook things seem to go on normal, or better, but its hard to know if you should even like one of their photos. In-person becomes Skype, Skype becomes phone, phone becomes text. Occasionally you get some hopeful contact. That becomes rare....we know how it goes.
I have read the hell out of this forum. Thank goodness for this forum (I read this relationship forum the most). I know all of the explanations behind this, the stress cup & pushing away ones you love, but the level of isolation that many PTSD sufferers need is never going to work for me in my intimate relationships. There are lots of other symptoms I can deal with, especially if the person is committed to their healing, but not the extreme isolation piece. When I realized that my latest partner and I were headed down the same path (we were at the 'limiting the communication phase when I bailed), I was shocked, but of course looking back I can see the signs were there. This is such blind-spot for me.
My history of being raised by trauma survivors and experiencing my own trauma all lead me here. I understand that, I'm working on it. I go to therapy. I've ended my recent relationship and didn't let it go on and on for 6 months this time. Still, I never want this to happen again. It's been a heartbreaking couple of years for me & I'm still not over the first time this happened - I never got a lick of closure from someone I thought I might marry. This time I'm stopping the clock, casting my support net far and wide, and really looking at this - and by this I mean me. I know I deserve more in a relationship than wondering day to day if I am actually still in that relationship.
So with that, I am Saturday. I picked that name because today is Saturday. Thanks for listening to my story and thanks for sharing yours over the years, I have found them really helpful & validating.
The worst part, or maybe the best, or most humorous part is that I do trauma therapy for a living. I've been working in the trauma field for many years. Because of my privacy & my concern that clients could potentially read this thread (because most of my clients have PTSD, why wouldn't they find this place?), I won't ever say much about where or how I do my work, but I'm serious about it and good at it. This does not seem to matter when it comes to my personal life however.
My stories are the same as everyone else's: the person has a big trauma history, they come on strong before pushing away hard. A trigger event occurs (yep. Two times in a row). The person starts to put a limit on communication, both in-person and phone/web/electronic. Also what you talk about. On facebook things seem to go on normal, or better, but its hard to know if you should even like one of their photos. In-person becomes Skype, Skype becomes phone, phone becomes text. Occasionally you get some hopeful contact. That becomes rare....we know how it goes.
I have read the hell out of this forum. Thank goodness for this forum (I read this relationship forum the most). I know all of the explanations behind this, the stress cup & pushing away ones you love, but the level of isolation that many PTSD sufferers need is never going to work for me in my intimate relationships. There are lots of other symptoms I can deal with, especially if the person is committed to their healing, but not the extreme isolation piece. When I realized that my latest partner and I were headed down the same path (we were at the 'limiting the communication phase when I bailed), I was shocked, but of course looking back I can see the signs were there. This is such blind-spot for me.
My history of being raised by trauma survivors and experiencing my own trauma all lead me here. I understand that, I'm working on it. I go to therapy. I've ended my recent relationship and didn't let it go on and on for 6 months this time. Still, I never want this to happen again. It's been a heartbreaking couple of years for me & I'm still not over the first time this happened - I never got a lick of closure from someone I thought I might marry. This time I'm stopping the clock, casting my support net far and wide, and really looking at this - and by this I mean me. I know I deserve more in a relationship than wondering day to day if I am actually still in that relationship.
So with that, I am Saturday. I picked that name because today is Saturday. Thanks for listening to my story and thanks for sharing yours over the years, I have found them really helpful & validating.
