Poll Who Do You Let Close?

[Loloma]

ExanimisRex, sorry to read that. It must be very hard for you, it's a lot to keep to yourself.

 

[ExanimisRex]

It can be a problem most of the time, I have to admit that. The biggest problem is that I do not like myself but to others I am a likable person. When people say that they like me, it scares me, I don't understand it and so I push them away or avoid them. I know that I do this and sometimes I wish I could change that.

 

[Changing4Best]

I let a new friend get close yesterday, telling her about my Bi-Polar and also that I'd had suicidal ideations that day. She said, "Why didn't you CALL me!" and so I knew I'd made the right decision. She'd called me. Also, she recently confided to me that she has PTSD and I told her I do too, it was such an intense moment, but gave me the impetus to tell her about my Bi-Polar these few days later. We are creating a bond and I am happy. Rarely have a met someone in person who has PTSD, only once before, but that was at group therapy. This time it was just someone I met at church and felt an immediate bond with to the point where I told her I wanted to pursue a friendship and she agreed. Getting up close and personal emotionally has come during this first month, so I am very pleased.

In the past, though, I have been reluctant to share these kinds of things with new friends. If she had not broken the ice, I'm not sure I would have been so frank so soon though. Or I may have. One never knows....

 

[Tanishq]

Established friends. I feel comfortable with them as we know each other so well.

 

[.Bubbles.]

I used to let anybody close. Probably partly why I was an easy target. These days I only really let my fiance close. I have a pretty shaky/superfical relationship with the handful of family members I do have anything to do with. Except my nephews/nieces, but they are too young to let in like we are talking here. I isolate myself, so don't see friends. But i do have.a few friends I know I could go to and let it all out. So for the sake of this poll I vote partner/established friends.

 

[CourageofSnow]

I used to want to be everybody's friend and tried to please everyone. I now know that this isn't possible. My Husband and a handful of close friends know the truth about me. I tend to push people away if we start to get close, I won't answer calls, emails and I refuse to go out.

I have lost a few friendships over the years, but then there are those few who have continued to push through the barriers and have become friends with me through sheer persistence!! I know I can be a hard person to get along with, extremely judgmental and I tend to isolate myself as I am fearful of saying the wrong thing and offending.

 

[rainy_daze]

I used to let anybody close.

I used to want to be everybody's friend and tried to please everyone.

I used to be that person too. It became exhausting and I got hurt too often. It's dangerous, if I think about it, because you end up being blind to a persons intentions sometimes. At the same time, I don't think I would still be here if it wasn't for the people I'm close with now, and sometimes you take a risk to let people into your life and it was worth the risk. Might not be that way for everyone, but it is for me.

I think that's why I tend to think of trust and closeness as having different levels for different people in my life (because of past mistakes of trusting people and finding it difficult to start friendships and maintain them)... I'm close with one person in a way I'm not with another. I'm guarded but at the same time someone recently has broken my trust and I decided not to do my usual and cut the person out of my life completely, but accept that this person has been downgraded in the trust and closeness category :rolleyes:.

 

[shoulderblades]

I only allow my therapists and my daughter to be close to me. Everyone else, I either keep at arms length or steer clear of altogether. I sort of open up to friends sometimes but I have to feel really safe to be able to do that (and I only have about three friends as it is).

I used to try to be everyone's friend when I was a lot younger. I sought approval anywhere and everywhere. Boy, did that get me trampled all over and used and abused. Nowadays, I'm extremely suspicious of everybody and mostly hermit away from the world.

 

[CraftyCath]

I used to want to be friends with every one and was very open until I realised that I was just getting hurt. I especially wanted to be close to family until I realised that it just wasn't going to happen. I didn't realise the reality of this until after therapy when I also realised that I has stopped trusting people way back and never let anyone get emotionally close to me.

I still have difficulty now but find I am much more open and have started to let people back in. I said 'no one' in the pole because I know that I still have work to do as my paranoia gets in the way and I always feel I have let people down and been a disappointment.

But I have made progress and people here have helped immensely.

 

[rockyspine]

I am trying to let my boyfriend in more and more. I am fairly certain I'm going to marry him one day. Well, I know I am but I guess he gets a vote too. :)

I've never let anyone in to see the real me, ever. So it's a slow process. But I trust him and want to let him in, just not sure how really. Lately, this has been mostly in the form of letting him know things that bother me (not always about him, but general life things or things about myself) and why. I think because I never had a voice before to speak my mind so I am developing that now. I am always afraid of coming across as "damaged", "needy" or "dependent" because if there is one thing I like about myself, it's my ability to be independent.

I have not told my boyfriend about all of my past, just one instance where I was raped (and I glossed over most of the details). I kind of think it would change things too much if he knew all of it, or see me differently. If roles were reversed and he told me all these things, I would of course still love him as I know he would love me, but I would be afraid of upsetting him or doing the wrong thing or feeling like I can't say certain things. I don't want our relationship to be like that.

Not sure if I should tell all, or just let him know the general idea of it (that I have issues from the past but not details). Still deciding. I just know I don't want to go my whole life with him not knowing who I really am, and I don't want to hide anything from him. Hard to know how much to reveal though to get the message across, and what details are just hurtful for your SO to hear...

 

[therisa]

After reading, a few of the posts here, did I realize that my levels of trust, is very restricted, to animals, like my 3 cats, and the friends' dogs and cats. In that, I can only open up so far, before my mental defenses kick in and shut out people, who care about me.

 

[Anna]

I don't let anyone close, ever.