My Brothers Did Some Weird Shit

[radicalgratitude]

You are welcome. It was my pleasure. :) I am glad that we were able to help. I have had my own struggles in this area, so its nice to "pay it forward."

 

[Philippa]

Philippa I respectfully disagree that boys have no control over themselves when they have an erection.

I didn't say they have no control over themselves when they have an erection. I said they have no control over when they GET erections at that age. During puberty their penises have a mind of their own, which can cause much embarrassment. I'm sure the men on this forum would attest to this fact.

Please try and read my words the way I meant them and not turn them around into something I didn't say.

 

[Philippa]

PC? Really though? If someone was crawling around naked let alone with an erection chasing a little girl they would be arrested and most likely sent to prison in the state I live in. At the very least they would be a registered sex offender for life.

Then why are you asking us all if we think it was abuse or not? You clearly think it was. I don't see any confusion about that in your statement here.

 

[jesse]

No need for hostility Phillipa. I said I respectfully disagree.

 

[cherryblossom]

Please remember to be respectful to one another's opinions. If you are in doubt about another members posts please ask for clarification.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Then why are you asking us all if we think it was abuse or not? You clearly think it was. I don't see any confusion about that in your statement here.

Philippa, it is very normal and natural to be unsure about trauma. You must not have experienced this uncertainty before, and I am very happy for you, because its a terrible feeling that I don't wish upon anyone. For those who have it, it comes from your own denial, the denial of others, and the manipulation and lies of the abuser, to name a few.

 

[Lucycat]

@jesse I have only just come into this thread. As a survivor of sexual abuse myself, I have some questions for you. Don't answer if you are uncomfortable doing so.

Was this usual family behaviour in your family? Did other family members act like this? Was nudity in the household the norm? Did your brother behave like this when others were around or only when you were alone together?

I don't know whether it was abuse or not. I believe it is all about the context and intent ( as others have said). However it makes me feel very uncomfortable because I can link it to my own personal memories, and I think that is what others on here may do - judge it from their own experiences.

 

[jesse]

No this was not normal. I received the support and clarity I needed and do not wish to discuss further thank you.

 

[Philippa]

Philippa, it is very normal and natural to be unsure about trauma. You must not have experienced this uncertainty before, and I am very happy for you, because its a terrible feeling that I don't wish upon anyone. For those who have it, it comes from your own denial, the denial of others, and the manipulation and lies of the abuser, to name a few.

I have experienced uncertainty plenty of times, especially related to trauma and what is or isn't sexual abuse, so I do know very well how it feels, thanks. I'm feeling unsure about whether I was sexually harassed by my new boss just yesterday actually.

I made a valid comment stating that jesse seemed very sure about it being sexual abuse in her recent reply to me, and confusion as to why she would then ask us, given that she did appear very sure that it was, which contradicted her original OP.

If Jesse has gained clarity about it from the people in this thread, then that is a great outcome...it just seemed that she already had no doubts about it, given that she talked about how her state views these kinds of behavior and doesn't tolerate them, that's all.

I'm not meaning to speak about you in the third person here Jesse, I just am not sure how to express myself otherwise to radicalgratitude without using the word 'she'?

 

[Philippa]

No need for hostility Phillipa. I said I respectfully disagree.

I don't think asking for my words to be taken the way I am meaning them, and to not have words put into my mouth, is being hostile. I asked you to please read over my words and not put them in my mouth, which is perfectly within my rights to ask. I may have been a little blunt about it, and was in need of sleep when I posted this last night, so I may not have expressed it well enough.

I don't like it when people misread what I say and then make it appear as though I am defending a rapist, that's all. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it either, if someone did that to you.

 

[radicalgratitude]

@Philippa I am a woman :)

If Jesse has gained clarity about it from the people in this thread, then that is a great outcome...it just seemed that she already had no doubts about it, given that she talked about how her state views these kinds of behavior and doesn't tolerate them, that's all.

Yes, I had the understanding that in the very first post, she was uncertain and was asking for feedback...then later on came to realize that it was abuse...then with the realization probably came and (this part I'm speculating) it left her with strong feelings like "wow, this was wrong. I feel ______ (angry? sad?)."

so I do know very well how it feels, thanks.

I thought your comment was valid, too, I was just hoping that maybe you hadn't experienced that before, and if not, I thought I would tell you about it and anyone else who stumbled across the forum. I can see that you might feel hurt and angry, since you have indeed experienced this, but I don't appreciate the sarcasm ("thanks"). I didn't mean what I wrote as a personal attack.

Lastly, I don't think anyone thought you were defending a rapist. At least I didn't. I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but I thought I'd say it.

 

[Philippa]

@Philippa I am a woman :)

Ok. I'm not really sure why you needed to clarify that to me? I made no comment about your gender one way or the other? If you are referring to my comment about using the word 'she', I was addressing jesse in case she felt bad that I was speaking about her in the third person? It was not related to your gender at all.

Yes, I had the understanding that in the very first post, she was uncertain and was asking for feedback...then later on came to realize that it was abuse...then with the realization probably came and (this part I'm speculating) it left her with strong feelings like "wow, this was wrong. I feel ______ (angry? sad?)."

Ah. I did not have that same understanding at all. It seemed like a total contradiction to her original OP, Since Jesse did not actually state that she NOW felt more confident in calling it sexual abuse based on the comments here until after I'd replied last. I just go by what I read, not by what I assume is going on for jesse.

I thought your comment was valid, too, I was just hoping that maybe you hadn't experienced that before, and if not, I thought I would tell you about it and anyone else who stumbled across the forum. I can see that you might feel hurt and angry, since you have indeed experienced this, but I don't appreciate the sarcasm ("thanks"). I didn't mean what I wrote as a personal attack.

I see. It came across as a very clear statement telling me that I obviously had not experienced it or else I would know how it feels and that it's all normal to be unsure. I did feel angry, you're right.

Lastly, I don't think anyone thought you were defending a rapist. At least I didn't. I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but I thought I'd say it.

By Jesse's own words she thought I was saying that a boy has no control over themselves when they get erections. In saying that, Jesse is also saying that I am making excuses for boys who rape or sexually abuse women, which is totally false. I was not addressing anyone else in this thread, just Jesse on that point.