An inability to cry.

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Sometimes I feel the need to cry to relieve emotions, other times because I'm so upset/hurt/confused and crying is the natural response but no matter how huge the lump in my throat gets; no matter how hot,dry and prickly my eyes get; no matter how much my face and forehead scrunches up; even if I curl up in a ball or hide my face in a pillow the tears will not come and my shoulders won't relax and give into the crying that I really, really need to do.

I haven't cried in over a year since my PTSD exploded, I learned so much from repressed memories, I struggle so much I've been hospitalised with depression and anxiety, but I cannot cry. It feels as if crying is something that would help relieve so much pressure, but I'm not allowed to, why is it physically impossible. Has anyone else had this and have they been able to remedy it?

 

[stephanie44]

I am so sorry you have been through so much. I think I have the opposite problem because I cry quite often. I would not try to force it. If you can try to let your body really relax, that might help. I am glad you posted.

 

[ashdawn8287]

For me I stopped crying for 2 years. I thought it was a sign of weakness and then my anxiety exploded and I cried. I felt I was avoiding and denying how I really felt. I use to say, "In your life you are only given a certain number or tears and I used mine all up."

I was wrong. I remember being on the phone with my sister and I cried and just bawled my eyes out and it felt so good I couldn't stop.

More recently, I cried for 4 days straight and just allowed myself to grieve about my past without passing judgment or worrying about what I thought or what others around me though. Yes, it scared a lot of people but I needed it. I am very in tune with my body and my emotions and where they came from. I know the difference from past feelings vs present feelings. I am not sure, but I spent a whole week tracing my triggers back to my different traumas. I wrote them out every time I "felt" something I wrote them down and searched what those feelings met and when those certain feelings happen. Most of my feelings from the past and present are traced back to my sexual abuse and domestic abuse.

I think a lot of my issues with crying dealt with how society tells you crying is bad or it is marked off as bad or uncomfortable or awkward. Crying is GOOD for your soul I cleanses you. I guess I worked on making myself believe that it was okay to cry.

and you know what kascanfly? It is okay to cry. Don't judge yourself or beat yourself up for having this feelings you deserve to let them out and cry.

This may or may not help either way it has some good ideas.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/the-health-benefits-of-crying.htm

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/why-we-cry-the-truth-about-tearing-up?page=2

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/09/07/curious-behvaior-provine/

 

[stephanie44]

Yes, crying can be good for you because it means you are starting to process emotions. I also deal with depression, so sometimes my crying is tied into that.

 

[franciemarnie]

Music kick starts mine when they aren't coming on their own and I'm in an uncomfortable pre-cry state.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I like the high I get off from crying afterwards. I feel so relaxed and calm and the next day I feel brand new! I cry a lot too Stephanie and I am okay with it. I can cry about good stuff now too because I let all that bad out.

Also, this is a quote I really like.

Meditation and relaxing like Stephanie said, will help you get in tune with your emotions, if that is something you are really trying to do.

Also, here is a nice information on grieving. Many people perceive grieving with death, but with trauma we grieve too and we have every right too. We might have lost someone but we have also lost our selves and who we were before the trauma or who we were suppose to be (in my case with childhood trauma). I love this website/organization. Getting familiar with grieving stages may help.

Sorry I just want to help!

[DLMURL]http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm[/DLMURL]

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I agree with everything you say ashdawn, I want very much to be able to cry and have do not agree with it seeming to be not the right thing to do by society. I recognise that it is something I need to do, it's not that I wish to force it, but that I need to cry naturally and deeply until it feels that I've cried every last tear, until I am left empty and ready to move forward. But I appear to be unable to, there is some phenomena that is occurring whereby I seem to weep with out tears and my shoulders or diaphragm never give into the crying no matter how much I wish or need them to, even if the rest of my body is in the crying state, the only thing that remains is to cry but it never comes. I am very much aware of the emotions and that I am so overwhelmingly sad and lost and lonely and confused, that I should cry my heart out, not only that but I recognise as you have said that I need to grieve, but I cannot. Such a basic, fundamental thing that humans do and I cannot do it, it puzzles and perplexes me and it makes me wish all the more to be able to do it.

I've tried music, I've tried relaxing (though I can never seem to relax enormously, but I've relaxed as much as I appear able to)., I've eventried Disney!! - which usually makes me cry (although never at the sad parts, always at the happy parts), but I've still had nothing, not even a single tear. If there was a medication that made you cry, I think it might do me better than all the anti-depressants and anxiolytics, just to create some space in me and to free me from some of the trapped emotions. I know you can't answer, but WHY?!?! Why can't I, why do I not deserve to cry, when I need to. It is surely a humble thing to want to remedy my problems and natural, so why can I not. **sigh**. The calm that follows, the silence after the storm, but I am an ever persisting drought.

 

[ms spock]

I am unable to cry as well. I really wish I could. It would relieve a lot of anxiety and pent up emotion.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Everyone grieves in there own way. Take your time. There is no wrong or right way to grieve, which each have our own experiences. When your body and mind are both ready for it, it will happen. I get stuck in those states a lot throughout the week, but I release it when it is just over the top and bottled up, which honestly is probably every few days (my life is busy and hectic).

Have any of you who can't cry, talked to your therapists about this?

Those articles are pretty great, just educating yourself on crying gives you a little comfort.

It is okay you cannot cry too!!! Do not feel bad, like I said each of us grieves at our own pace.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I had my first therapy session the other day, I haven't got into anything to serious/personal yet. I don't feel bad about not being able to cry, I just want to - it feels as if my mind and body are ready to, but pathologically I am unable to and I wonder what might cause that, because I used to be able to cry, although not very often, it was therapeutic when I could.

I have read your links ashdawn, thank you for taking the time to find and post them, that means a lot. It's also interesting to realise such a basic thing; that crying is something we do to alert others of our struggles - my problem is I have no one to safe enough to share my problems with, so maybe this is why, but as I also have a feeling that in the future, feeling safe enough with someone to cry and for them to know and even be able to be comforting would be very healing, but I don't know of anyone that would fill that criteria. However here and now, I feel that solitary crying is necessary.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I feel like a sulky child saying this, (please note that my disagreement with you is not personal in any way),

It is okay you cannot cry

but it really isn't ok and that's my problem. In fact it's overwhelmingly not ok for me and that distresses me to the point of wanting to cry, alongside the far more rational sides to needing to cry and I can't and it's wrong. Inside and out. It's like being unable to bleed when injured or unable to urinate despite needing to, it's very, very wrong and something toxic is building up inside of me, even if I appear mostly ok, I still need to bleed to heal or pee to relieve the need to do so. Sorry for the confusion of all of this, it's very difficult to explain. I'm only desperate to cry because I need to cry, if I did cry it would relieve the need to and as such I would no longer be desperate. Ok, I think I've gone and confused myself now!

 

[ashdawn8287]

Aww hon I am so so sorry you feel all this right now. I am glad you had your first therapy session. I wish I could have a magic wand and make you be able to cry.

:(

I really do understand your feelings. I just know you will get there, be patient with yourself my dear.

Being able to have "safety" when you are vulnerable is very important. I have been there where I literally had no one, but my cat. I am here and I do care. I hope it helps you knowing someone out in this crazy world understands.