Your T's Touch Policy

[mytai]

Perhaps if you just have a confab with your T

What do you mean by confab? I'm not sure what that means :S

 

[Rumors]

Sorry, 80's term meaning private discussion. Lol.

 

[mytai]

Ah, I see. Well I did write partially about it in my letter for Friday's session. But I will discuss with her a little more about how terrifying the unexpected hug from my prior T was and why it was.

 

[Abstract]

No is a word I struggle with, I freeze, I shut down, I don't know how to say no anymore.

I think its very important to tell your t this again and again too. I do this too and so now I try to think ahead and prepare if I can. Obviously we have to push ourselves otherwise we wouldn't go but I still like to try to make sure I can say no if I need to.

 

[mytai]

I think its very important to tell your t this again and again too.

I don't think I've been in a situation where I have needed to, at least not that I'm aware of. Like I said she is very careful not to push me beyond what I can handle - sometimes she knows better than I do what is too much for me.

 

[Abstract]

Sorry if I was not clear mytai. I meant discussing your reactions with her so that she can watch out for you going into this state.

For me something innocent could happen but I could react but not be able to say anything. If my T knows I do this then she is more likely to watch out for it. I hope that makes sense.

 

[mytai]

@Abstract yes that makes more sense, I get what you were trying to say now. I will do that.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Hi! Judging solely from most of the responses above, and only those opinions, some may not like my view on this question. Even so, I wanted to chime in while I have a chance!

I have been in counseling for several years on a weekly basis. I receive hugs from both of my therapists at the end of each session at minimum. The three of us have work well with each other, and we're all on the same page for the most part. My point is that I need touch and hugs during sessions. I assure you that our relationships are therapist/client in nature, as I am a stickler for setting thick boundaries (sometimes too many for my own good), but they are an integral part of my small support system!

Also, one of my big issues is my inability to ask for what I need, and sometimes I just need to feel valid and safe; hugs and touch does that for me. Most of the time, working on changing thought patterns backfires in a sense (I hate CBT but love EMDR and feeling supported). So, while some may question my therapeutic relationships and such, sometimes I need them to be there for me without intentions of doing any work.

My current T (who I think is a really good fit for me) has touched me twice, but it was to help ground me and bring me back to the present. She also warned me that she was going to put her hand on my back, and warned me that she was going to rock my body side to side slowly to help bring me to the present. She immediately took her hand off my back when I was present again. I was startled the first time, but she made sure to keep repeating what she was doing.

@mytai I was wondering if you could elaborate more? Did your T doing that help you? What did she do/say when you were back in the present? I don't dissociate, but I ask because sometimes my T will sit next to me when I'm really emotional, and I feel like I'm asking too much; it's awkward!

Sorry everyone, had to get that out before going to bed, even though it's 2AM! Healing thoughts to all!

~Holly

s that I need touch and hugs during sessions. I assure you that our relationships are therapist/client in nature, as I am a stickler for setting thick boundaries (sometimes too many for my own good), but they are an integral part of my small support system!

Also, one of my big issues is my inability to ask for what I need, and sometimes I just need to feel valid and safe; hugs and touch does that for me. Most of the time, working on changing thought patterns backfires in a sense (I hate CBT but love EMDR and feeling supported). So, while some may question my therapeutic relationships and such, sometimes I need them to be there for me without intentions of doing any work.

My current T (who I think is a really good fit for me) has touched me twice, but it was to help ground me and bring me back to the present. She also warned me that she was going to put her hand on my back, and warned me that she was going to rock my body side to side slowly to help bring me to the present. She immediately took her hand off my back when I was present again. I was startled the first time, but she made sure to keep repeating what she was doing.

@mytai I was wondering if you could elaborate more? Did your T doing that help you? What did she do/say when you were back in the present? I don't dissociate, but I ask because sometimes my T will sit next to me when I'm really emotional, and I feel like I'm asking too much; it's awkward!

Sorry everyone, had to get that out before going to bed, even though it's 2AM! Healing thoughts to all!

~Holly

 

[RussH]

I have just started seeing a therapist, so I have not had any experiences with being hugged by a "t". I guess, for me, it would depend on how my relationship with my therapist unfolds.
I am one that likes getting reassuring hugs when I am in crisis, but understand the emphesis in on reassuring. I am hoping to develop a friendship with my therapist, because I will function better in the therapy sessions if I feel like she is a friend, and not just a paid listener. So, if and when our relationship develops to the level of friend, then in the right situation I would accept an appropriate hug.
And don't worry there is absolutely no way our relationship would never go beyond friends.

 

[mytai]

I was wondering if you could elaborate more? Did your T doing that help you? What did she do/say when you were back in the present? I don't dissociate, but I ask because sometimes my T will sit next to me when I'm really emotional, and I feel like I'm asking too much; it's awkward!

To answer your question Holly, yes my T did that to help me. It was the very end of our session and time for me to go home but I was sitting with my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around my knees and I was a total space cadet. I was not present, I was off in my own little protective world. When I dissociate sometimes I can hear what my T is saying to me but it sounds like she is really far away and I have to strain to hear her words to me. My T warned me that she was going to sit next to me on the couch, she warned me that she was putting her hand on my back, she told me when she was going to rock my body from side to side to help bring me back. Once I uncurled myself she asked me where I was to see if I was all the way back or still dissociating. The second time my T actually walked me to my car because she knew I had no clue where I was, and she actually spoke really firm with me once we were outside to try and make sure I followed what she said.

She is always very careful with moving close to me (I flinch sometimes), she asks if I'm ok with her moving her chair closer, or if I'm ok with her perching herself at the end of the couch. My T is very respectful of my personal space and need to feel safe.

I guess, for me, it would depend on how my relationship with my therapist unfolds. I am one that likes getting reassuring hugs when I am in crisis

I'm on the fence with that one, when I'm in crisis mode I don't know what I want or need. Sometimes I want someone to hug me but any touch physically hurts so it is something I fear. I don't know if I would ever be able to accept a hug from my T, I'm not the super huggy type to begin with - there is a very small group of people that I am comfortable hugging.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I would not be comfortable with being touched. Just having to sit near to them is still disconcerting to me at times.

I can hug kids with no problems. Of course, they aren't threatening.

 

[mytai]

I can hug kids with no problems. Of course, they aren't threatening.

That's interesting. I can hug family kids, but when it comes to other kids I can be very "cold" with for lack of a better term. I'm jealous of them, jealous of their innocence.