A Boy Called "it"

[Everhopeful]

Has anyone read this book, supposedly a true account of horrific child abuse, suffered by David Pelzer in the USA in the 1970's? I am reading his trilogy at present, I momentarily have forgotten the other two book titles, I think it ends in "A Man Called Dave".

This man suffered awful emotional and physical abuse as a young child at the hands of his cruel, stark raving mad mother and his emotionally checked-out father just went along with it all before divorcing the wife and fleeing the family.

I am reading the book with some disbelief, as Dave Pelzer seems to describe himself as such a strong and resilient little boy, who then goes through terrible ups and downs in the foster homes he gets assigned to after being removed from his family. He then joined the US Airforce, and excelled at this and that, got all sorts of Merit Awards etc.

When I see how my Sufferer, at the age of 36, is only now starting to face some of the horrors of his childhood abuse at the hands of his sadistic mother, I really wonder about Dave Pelzer's gung-ho account of his own abuse.

I almost think that this book is quite an insult to those who have undergone profound abuse and cruelty in childhood. How realistic is it to "shake it all off" and become this highly functioning, successful adult who hardly ever looks back on his childhood?

 

[franciemarnie]

I saw the book and didn't get a good vibe from it so I didn't pick it up. Of course I can't tell a book by its cover...Did he have a spiritual experience or something? It sounds unlikely that anyone can shake it off. If he had excellent trauma therapy I could see him making significant headway, but geez...there are so many strong, smart people on here who have been working on processing PTSD for years. It takes time. I can't see there being an easy fix without otherworldly intervention or something.

 

[The Albatross]

When I read it almost three decades ago (or more)... I minimized my own abusive experiences for a long time, thinking that what happened in our home wasn't abuse because it wasn't "as bad". At the time it was published it was a stark and bold conversation about abuse. But I did find some hope in the book because of the author's position.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Maybe despite the abuse, he didn't develop PTSD and was therefore much more able to overcome it and put his past behind him?

 

[Pencil]

I almost think that this book is quite an insult to those who have undergone profound abuse and cruelty in childhood. How realistic is it to "shake it all off" and become this highly functioning, successful adult who hardly ever looks back on his childhood?

There is something terribly plastic about the book - I don't believe a word of it, and not only because the writer goes through all this abuse with ZERO effects, but because of the way he describes his mother and his abuse.

There is one bit that is actually hilarious - about his grandmother who is a heartless cow who lives in a trailer, but who is the president's golf partner. Yeah right.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I read this book awhile ago. I think it's very inspirational if he truly did go through all this and not develop any issues. But I definitely questioned some things. Like why wasn't his mother put in jail?

I read it during my teens, it really minimized my abuse too, because I kept thinking, 'wow, if he can go through all this and be positive the whole time, my stuff is nothing.'

I'm not sure if i would have a different reaction now that I struggle so badly with ptsd.

 

[Mercy]

I almost think that this book is quite an insult to those who have undergone profound abuse and cruelty in childhood. How realistic is it to "shake it all off" and become this highly functioning, successful adult who hardly ever looks back on his childhood?

I read this book too a few years ago. I got the impression that Dave was honest about the facts and unable or unwilling to share his emotions. Some sufferers learn to not allow themselves to show or feel emotions at all. I've been listening to how Nelson Mandela managed his inner life. I don't think we have the right to judge Dave by what he chooses to divulge. And we certainly don't have the expert counselling experience to diagnose him.

There is no need to find fault and no need to compare our suffering to that of anyone else.

Acceptance and peace, my friends, acceptance of our selves and one another.

Mercy

 

[Hashi]

This thread piqued my interest, and cynicism. I've only read the Amazon blurb and from that, it doesn't ring true. My own experience of neglect and abuse is not that of finding a family who would love me, and I can't imagine where that would come from.

Of course, I should read the book in order to have an opinion, but from what I've read here and elsewhere I won't waste my time.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I disagree that we don't have a right to criticize him. He wrote a book. He put himself out there. So yes, we do have a right to criticize what is written. What if it's completely fake? Should we support it simply because he cries "abuse"?!? No, I don't think so.

I haven't read the book but my guess is that it's LOOSELY based on a true story with heavy editing and denial on the part of the author.

 

[Lotusstarr]

I have read the book, unlike many of the commenters in this thread. I am extremely surprised, and a little disappointed at the attitudes displayed here. This man has undergone horrific abuse, and shame on everyone for doubting his story. He did a very brave thing by writing a book about his experiences and shedding light on a topic that has been silenced for too long. How would you all feel if you told your story, only to have people saying you are a fake and a liar. This is a forum of support for abuse survivors, not for casting doubt and shaming survivors. There is enough of that going on in the world as it is. As far as how he tells his story, most of you should know that it is a common coping mechanism for survivors to emotionally disconnect from the abuse, especially when recounting the story to others. It is a form of dissociation. As for how far he has gotten, I'm sure it has not been without struggles, but I think what he was trying to demonstrate to other survivors, is that there is hope for others in being able to achieve a fulfilling, healthy life after abuse. He is an inspiration. Also, his story has been corroborated by his other siblings.

 

[Hashi]

As far as how he tells his story, most of you should know that it is a common coping mechanism for survivors to emotionally disconnect from the abuse, especially when recounting the story to others.

Isn't he supposed to be healed, though? If so why would he be emotionally disconnected from the abuse? Especially if he has chosen to recount the story to others.

I'm not attacking you, I just felt so many alarm bells going off when I read about this book that I really felt like I didn't want to read it.

 

[Bluerose]

My sister told me about it but I couldn’t read it - it was too tough. I think I understand the ‘plastic’ aspect though because I had it explained to me that we may slightly exaggerate the abuse in our head because of our perception, the memories of a child, and our anger and other emotions towards what went on. In other words we remember it worse than it actually was. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t feel pain or be suffering. It’s still something that needs to be talked about and put into perspective in order to heal.

Sometimes I analyse and rationalise too much. But sometimes it helps me to deal with what I remember.