Bad Experiences In Group Therapy

[Notsowild]

I was in a sexual abuse group doing the Courage to heal book. Anyways while I was there one girl told the therapist she was scared of me because of my height ( I'm 5' 10" ) well that made me feel worse than I already did about myself Why did she tell me this?

Also in the same group she tells me she never heard an abuse so horrific as mine. How was that supposed to make me feel ? Stranger than I already did? Incurable? Why would she say that?

 

[Barconian]

Just don't let her have your attention! Why is the other woman at the abuse meeting? People react in different ways, after being abused. She is probably afraid of your inner strength and is attracted to it at the same time. It's a possibility :)

 

[arfie]

Group members triggering one another has been a standard part of every support group I have ever belonged to. Working out those triggers in a supportive environment remains a vital healing experience for me.

However... Not all support groups are created equal, nor are they stagnant environments. They change dynamics constantly. Churches and Three Initial Corporations they ain't. It pays to shop around. I have a network of groups so that I have alternatives for the especially tricky problems.

The sexual abuse groups I have tried have all been entirely too reactive and intensely focused for me. We seem to spend more energy throwing gas on fires than healing. Even (especially?) the on-line groups.

I learned "Courage to Change" through Alanon. It is an Alanon publication. Lots and lots of sexual abuse survivors in Alanon, but the focus is broad enough that I can apply it to my entire life instead an isolated piece of my life.

Hope you find what works for you, notsowild. Healing hopes.

 

[Everhopeful]

Perhaps she was projecting her own fears onto you, dear Notsowild. Tagging you with her fears to get rid of them?

It sounds like it was all about her own issues, and nothing really so much to do with you per se.

It is hurtful and confusing nevertheless, as you guys are meant to be in a supportive and safe environment in your group!

 

[Lucycat]

one girl told the therapist she was scared of me because of my height ( I'm 5' 10" )

So she was feeling vulnerable and threatened, and felt the need to tell the therapist

Why did she tell me this?

Because I would expect there is an open and honest policy within the group and it is helpful for you to know that somebody is uncomfortable.

well that made me feel worse than I already did about myself

Did you share this with the group?

she tells me she never heard an abuse so horrific as mine

For her she stated a fact

How was that supposed to make me feel ?

Did you ask her?

Why would she say that?

Because she is also a victim - I assume - and is struggling with group work and has her own issues. I wonder how she felt about the whole session?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well.....
Just because it's an open and honest group setting doesn't mean that group members have a right to say whatever they want to!

This is going to sound so mean but perhaps just write her off as a nut case and don't let her concern you. Yeah, this sounds so nasty but I've been to a ton of groups and sometimes you need to do whatever works in order to not get attached or even negatively affected by others in the group. If you take on issues from other members, it distracts from your own healing.

 

[ill]

I say this as someone who belongs to a group: We're there for a reason, because we have issues of our own. I would consider both of these comments manifestations of her own issues. It's not about you, it's about her. And it sucks that she said both of those things. It would rub me the wrong way (at a minimum) too. I don't know how exactly your group is run, or what your therapist said in either instance, but if you feel comfortable and secure enough, there's nothing wrong with you saying exactly what you've said here:

How was that supposed to make me feel ? Stranger than I already did? Incurable? Why would she say that?

It's not aggressive, it's not mean, but it is a fair question and it is okay for you to ask it and to express how it made you feel.

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks everyone for all your responses!
I agree the girl who said that about my height was an "odd duck" I didn't like her making me feel different than the rest of the group. I wanted to fit in. I've always felt different having red hair, being tall and of course being sexually abused.

I am no longer in this group and never wanted to join another one. Any good experiences? I met a great friend there - not the "duck" lol