Dissociation, What Are Examples?

[ms spock]

Disassociation became such a part of my life as a youngster that my family made a joke out of how "klutzy" I was because I used to walk into walls and such

My family used to say these types of things as well. A way of covering up the abuses and trauma.

 

[Zef]

Thanks for this thread everyone.

I have started to experience some mild to moderate disassociation symptoms recently and have been thinking of them as new things, but, after reading a lot of you comments, I think I've been disassociating since I was a kid.

--I would create games for myself to simulate sports seasons with playing cards, then spend hours and days playing them, each sports team would have a 'personality'. Younger me, would take all the toy cars, from Matchbox to Tonka and have a destruction derby with them, each toy would have its own personality (about 30 cars) and strangely enough, the little cars won the contests way more than than they should have. :)

Later teens and early twenties -- If I way laying in bed (sometimes sitting), sometimes I would lay down at, for instance, 1PM. . .then look at the clock and it would be 4PM and I have no idea where the time went. I don't believe I fell asleep. . .the time was just gone and it was a different feeling than when you sleep a long time.

As long as I can remember, I've pretty much had the same kind of internal conversations that lots of you reported. . .I thought everyone had them. One thing I noticed is how negative one of the voices seems to be for lots of us. Mine is pretty abusive, but is also the one that has allowed me to semi-function in the ral world.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

For me dissociations can happen in different ways: sometimes it happens without any prewarning, like a paralysis coming up in my body. First I do not feel my legs and it is usually late to try to sit down or support myself. I fall but do not feel the physical pain, I am not able to move or talk or to swallow. Interestingly, I hear what is going on around me from a certain distance, no emotional response from my side. I have injuried my shoulder this way and it might need surgery. My mind is in peace finally for the time being

Other times it starts in my head, a strange feeling and I have time to warn the people around me ( the ones who know me often leave then because they do not want to see me in this condition). I am like katathonic, not able focus my eyes, can not talk and I have problems with breathing. This second type can last longer, last time I managed to get to my bed and I stayed there for 2 hours. I have no memory, it seemed like 10 minutes for me.

In the hospital they treated me with ice, that did not help as I could not feel cold and they left me alone on purpose.

Again other times I was running away from the hospital and I did not know where I was and how I got there.
Each time I was feeling peace and somehow being protected during and very painful after coming back to the reality.
One of the above happens to me almost every day, fast acting benzodiazepim seems to be the only active acute treatment that stabilises me temporarly. Sometimes I was able to identify the emotional trigger other times not.

I do not understand what is going on, I have no control.

 

[Springer80]

Hi,

This was posted in a professional forum affiliated to the European Society of Trauma and Disscoation. The drug mentioned at the end is for use on recovering addicts and I am unsure on its status/efficacy on dissociation. However when I read it suddenly so many things made sense. Apparently, according to a herbologist (?) type guy in the same group, Black cumin oil is a natural alternative. Obviously I know nothing about its safety or use. But its a line of enquiry you could take up with a qualified person.

SUMMARY OF ABSTRACT

- Neglect of attachment needs may leave a person with fewer receptors for endogenous opiods (natural morphine) because these receptors are formed during good attachment experiences
- Chronic childhood trauma and abuse induces repeated flooding of the system with endogenous opiods, one of the consequences of which may be dissociative phenomena (which can pass largely unnoticed in a secretive, isolated, highly adapted childhood where attachment figures have a vested interest in keeping it so)
- The dissociative phenomena are much less functional and understandable in adulthood, especially away from the context they formed in, particularly where denial is the norm (societal also)
- A survivor's capacity for pleasure and well-being may be reduced by their paucity of opioid receptors, making any emotion at all feel overwhelming and out of control
- With consciousness and day to day life preoccupied with PTSD triggers, flashbacks, sleep disturbance, anxiety and depression, somatic consequences etc etc etc a survivor's rare or only experiences of something approaching well-being may be when flooded with endogenous opioids during dissociative experiences, or other opioid-inducing behaviours such as self-harm, addictive behaviours, eating disorders, OCD and so on, and therefore 'habit-forming'
- Therapy sessions may precipitate flooding with endogenous opioids and consequent dissociative phenomena, hence by blocking the opioid receptors with Naltrexone the survivor may be assisted in amending behaviours that have become unhelpful, and would otherwise be extraordinarily difficult to change due to their addictive nature

 

[crazytrain]

Nice article, Springer80! It is always tough to discern the dissociative stuff; with our abuse histories, especially, it can become very jumbled!

I will have to look into the cumin oil thing. We have a couple of different naturalistic/homeopathic places in town. I don't see the harm in trying natural things!

CT

 

[Springer80]

Thanks CT,

I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it the first time. Years of searching and trying to define something boiled down to a neat paragraph that proves your not crazy after all!!! So far I haven't found a high street health shop that stocks it and I was a bit wary about ordering off the net (no guarantees its the real deal), in Latin its Nigella Satvia (I think, need to check the spelling).

Personally Id rather try something natural but I have no idea how potent/effective it is. Or how and when to administer in relation to symptoms. I'm looking into it though so if I find anything useful I'll post it here.

S80

 

[Girl3]

Brilliant summary Springer80. For us DIDs it sums it up perfectly and logically.

 

[katiekat]

I decided to start sitting down at the computer and typing out some of my more interesting internal conversations.

I just brought this up to my therapist and he said it is a form of OCD and that I need to stop avoiding the intrusive memory and write about it in detail.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Either a form of OCD or a form of PTSD :D

 

[Leanne1]

For me it seems as though people are talking to me from very far away. Everything feels distorted, not real, like a movie. I can't follow the conversation.

I pllayed bass guitar in a band. I couldn't feel the music, couldn't play. I couldn't remember how the songs went. That was when I started harming myself. It would have me feel again, and feel the music. I would feel centered and focused.

 

[greenleaf]

One way I feel recently is sort of like I have two separate emotional states going on. One is more surface, and I deal with daily living just fine. The other is underneath, and has to do with a lot of fear and being upset. I feel like I have to function, hold my job and so on, and I actually want to. But the underneath emotions never seem to get dealt with when I'm doing this. Sometimes the levels have maybe come together, and I've felt like the world where the abuse happens is the same world where I am now. Then sometimes I get foggy, esp. when I got triggered by my abusive family member sending bizarre emails; I think I felt like I had to deal with it, but ended up foggy...

Not happening right now, though, I think I'm separating stuff. Do other folks do these things, move around in how you're dealing with stuff?

I get the sense I somehow "should" try to really feel the emotions, but fear of going into that and not being able to function, be alert to danger, kinda freaks me out too.

 

[ms spock]

SUMMARY OF ABSTRACT

- Neglect of attachment needs may leave a person with fewer receptors for endogenous opiods (natural morphine) because these receptors are formed during good attachment experiences
- Chronic childhood trauma and abuse induces repeated flooding of the system with endogenous opiods, one of the consequences of which may be dissociative phenomena (which can pass largely unnoticed in a secretive, isolated, highly adapted childhood where attachment figures have a vested interest in keeping it so)
- The dissociative phenomena are much less functional and understandable in adulthood, especially away from the context they formed in, particularly where denial is the norm (societal also)
- A survivor's capacity for pleasure and well-being may be reduced by their paucity of opioid receptors, making any emotion at all feel overwhelming and out of control
- With consciousness and day to day life preoccupied with PTSD triggers, flashbacks, sleep disturbance, anxiety and depression, somatic consequences etc etc etc a survivor's rare or only experiences of something approaching well-being may be when flooded with endogenous opioids during dissociative experiences, or other opioid-inducing behaviours such as self-harm, addictive behaviours, eating disorders, OCD and so on, and therefore 'habit-forming'

I don't know anything about the drug but the rest of that broken down like that is really good.