Been working on different approaches and metaphors to try to bridge what might simply be opposite ways of processing life experience...
It's likely I will still fail to adequately translate my experiences and understanding into a way that may be understood by someone who primarily experiences through intuitive or instinctual means. But making mistakes and failure is part of the learning process. And trying to connect and understand people that are different than me, allows me to a wider knowledge and experience base. Allowing me to have an expanded ability of perspective taking, including more perspectives of myself. I feel that's important for me and can be helpful with communication, social interaction and sense of belonging.
I think that working towards better communication and listening skills enhances relationships, inner self dialogue and knowledge, and also would be a foundation for developing a strong sense of belonging.
I was reminded of this reading a blog article on Lynne Forrest's webpage dated 6/29/11, this article was included in her recent email newsletter. She is a teacher who covers the Drama Triangle and transforming victim consciousness. This is an excerpt from the article titled "Co-Creative Communication":
The best way to practice skillful communication is to be willing to set aside, for the moment, your own version of reality. Remind yourself that your truth is probably not the way they see it. Be willing, as the old saying goes, to “walk a mile in their moccasins”, by listening to them with total presence. Allow yourself to really hear what they’re saying and then mirror back only what you heard, rather than your interpretation. Too often, we listen only long enough to snatch a word or phrase that will serve to prove our point. We then jump in with our rebuttal, or accumulated “evidence”, without having heard them at all. Such defensiveness leads to assuming an offensive stance. We attack, thinking we are merely defending ourselves. If, on the other hand, we are willing to practice being safe listeners, then there’s a good chance that our partner will be able to relax and set aside their own affront long enough to return the favor.
Knowing our truth and speaking it, along with unbiased listening are the essentials for providing safe, honest and loving relations. As we consistently practice these things, our capacity for intimacy and creativity increases. As a result, we exude authenticity at all levels, which inspires others to want to participate with us in the art of co-creative communication.
Lol Valentino, I'm not sure the two of us could think any more differently. Not just in this post but generally. I'm not sure we will ever approach anything the same way!
We might be on opposite ends of processing experiences and thinking. You describe yourself as intuitive and concrete. I would describe myself as highly sensitive and deep.
Using the Left & Right brain hemispheres example, LEFT =
OR thinking, while RIGHT =
AND thinking.
OR thinking would be more
black and white, while AND thinking is more gray area or
colorful.
OR thinking is
fast and decisive while AND thinking is
slow and complex.
Let's try an analogy of the spectrum of camera lens focal length, there is extreme zoom, middle range focal length, and then ultra-wide angle.
The same camera taking photos of the same place but with different lens and focal lengths, the pictures can be vastly different.
My Aspie brain is over-sensitive to stimulus, this might be analogous to an
extreme zoom lens. But it's a camera lens that's taking 5 to 10 times more photos than other brains. With all these zoomed in pictures, I then manually put them together like a puzzle, and then get the big picture. It can be a slow and tiring process, but the end result is that I have seen the big picture but also most all of the details.
Your brain which uses intuition (understanding things without proof or evidence), preferring concrete examples so you can quickly process experience. This might be analogous to a
ultra-wide angle lens. With just one or two pictures, you can get the big picture. But often times it's easy to overlook the details, because the small details in the photo are blurry. It would take extra work to take more zoomed in pictures, and you still might not see what someone with a extreme zoom lens can see. So maybe you might overly use your imagination to describe those details you can't clearly see, because that's the faster way. You get good at guessing and getting pretty close, but maybe never achieving precise or certain.
The general public with normal brains would have
middle range lenses, they can't zoom in and see as much detail as I can and they also can't zoom out to as wide angle as you to get the big story so quickly, but they have a little bit of both, and since they're the majority of brains, they can easily communicate and relate with other brains who have similar lens range.
So, when I read the examples that you gave as concrete thinking, they felt very abstract to me. It didn't feel concrete to me, as it's not enough information for my extreme zoom lens type of thinking. Concrete to many Aspie brains would be similar to a long list of literal rules, to my Aspie brain, it's hundreds or thousands of experiential feeling based data mining using observation and personal history. Your simple examples felt like little pebbles of rock, no where near feeling concrete to me, way too blurry.
But I can still work on trying to abstract out and create some theories for how your brain thinks, so that I can better understand and translate future communications. It should also be helpful with other relationships. Because your thinking style feels very similar to my oldest brother and my dad; who I'd both label as highly emotionally impulsive, and both of them do not have any trauma or abuse history or PTSD. My brother has been diagnosed with bipolar 2 but I feel he is more likely on the personality disorder spectrum.
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So back to 'sense of belonging'. Wouldn't that be more of a concept that is naturally abstract and theoretical? It doesn't feel like a concrete type of thing.
What's relevant here is that I reject far more than I feel rejected. It's not that the world feels unsafe, it's that I have little interest in it.
Which is probably why I can't relate to a feeling of belonging within, only a belonging where I can find a small pocket of something OK and fit myself to that. I really don't want to be here. I'm just trying to make the best of it.
I think one major issue that might be limiting you is your active rejection of others & things. When you send out energy of rejection, it's very difficult to get belonging and acceptance mirrored back.
It feels like you want to
have your cake and eat it too. Get the positive benefits of sense of belonging, but don't want the responsibility, interdependence and emotions that can come with connection.
Is my interpretation of your stance wrong? I've read the similar comments in other posts of yours. But I could be mistaken as I am prone to take things too literally.
In closing, I did a lot of research for sense of belonging metaphors by exploring and feeling the emotions and meaning behind many old love ballads, and I stumbled upon
"Hiding Inside Myself" by Kenny Rankin, which I think it really captures the isolation that often comes with PTSD. Maybe this is the price we pay when we lose our sense of belonging?
Does a love ballad fall more towards concrete or abstract? Metaphor or literal?
