Why Bother

[kahlan]

Its been a long time since I've felt this bad. There's one thing holding me to this pathetic existence and I don't know how much longer that will hold me.

No matter what I do I can't get ahead. Today I can barely make myself do the basics of taking care of my amazing son. He doesn't understand why mommy can't stop crying. Hell I don't even understand.

Eerything has been piling up and piling up. The final straw was N. has completely lost his shit. So as per usual in my life, I'm not just out of control on my own but supposedly soley responsible for his crazy sh!t because I refused to take part in a stupid i don't know what it was. Now I'm being told its my fault if he kills himself and that I need to just f#ck off. I don't need this sh!t!!!! I can't take any more!

 

[Em C.]

Unfortunately all I can really offer is hugs!

My mom was the same way when I was younger; your son will understand!

Do you have a counselor or therapist? If not, (depending on your country) there are lots of lovely help lines that may be able to give better advice than I can.

 

[kahlan]

I have a therapist unfortunately I'm snowed in. Being trapped here isn't helping. I need to get out I need to run somewhere I just don't know where. I want to be someone else with a boring life and no memory of everyone who was supposed to care about me either hurting me or leaving. No one can hurt me or leave if I'm not there

 

[Hashi]

Now I'm being told its my fault if he kills himself and that I need to just f#ck off. I don't need this sh!t!!!!

You surely don't. I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I think N needs to accept that he isn't the only person in the universe who's dealing with things. And that it's completely out of order to make statements like that.

So sorry, kahlan. I wish there was something I could say but I can only offer sympathy and good wishes to you. You need time out and space and healing too. I can't change anything for you but I hear you.

 

[Sally sue]

When my kids were little we used to call this kind of day, "watching mind-boggling amount of TV"...it's amazing how Disney movies can be a lovely restful distraction :) especially the ones that have singing musical parts!

Just a thought ;) keep hanging on!
Sally sue