Q
Quinnator5000
Okay, I don't know if this is trauma, and I wouldn't call him abusive, but it was kind of traumatic for me, and I really need to talk about it and I hope for some help.
My boyfriend has an eating disorder. I used to have non purging anorexia. He refuses to recover. I tried to break up with him because my anxiety attacks were becoming too often and I couldn't handle it. He became suicidal. So he told me he would try and recover and I agreed to stay (this was earlier this month). We've been together almost seven months now and we've been very close for over a year. We met online a while back and we've met IRL. We live a few hours from each other.
The other night, we had a long conversation about it, how I desperately wanted him to recover. After, I posted something on my personal blog. I made fun of something he was into, and something he was sensitive about. He became furious. I'd never seen him so mad. He threatened suicide and then told me he meant to self harm not kill himself and when I told him not to he said I openly posted about my self harm so I couldn't talk. I told him he was using my self harm against me and he replied "you were just making fun of me. stop that." and then I told him they would send him to a mental hopsital and he replied "thanks for the threat mom maybe i should try caring" (his mom is emotionally abusive). He said other bad things and then he switched into another personality which I'd never seen before. I was terrified. My sister had to take away my computer and clean me up and give me her prescription medication.
Now I am terrified. I'm scared of him. Scared he'll get mad again and it will happen. Scared he will hate me. I don't know what to do because I'm constantly afraid and it's hard to eat when I feel anxious and nauseous all the time. I don't know who to turn to or ask and I'm just so afraid and that probably sounds absolutely ridiculous.
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My boyfriend has an eating disorder. I used to have non purging anorexia. He refuses to recover. I tried to break up with him because my anxiety attacks were becoming too often and I couldn't handle it. He became suicidal. So he told me he would try and recover and I agreed to stay (this was earlier this month). We've been together almost seven months now and we've been very close for over a year. We met online a while back and we've met IRL. We live a few hours from each other.
The other night, we had a long conversation about it, how I desperately wanted him to recover. After, I posted something on my personal blog. I made fun of something he was into, and something he was sensitive about. He became furious. I'd never seen him so mad. He threatened suicide and then told me he meant to self harm not kill himself and when I told him not to he said I openly posted about my self harm so I couldn't talk. I told him he was using my self harm against me and he replied "you were just making fun of me. stop that." and then I told him they would send him to a mental hopsital and he replied "thanks for the threat mom maybe i should try caring" (his mom is emotionally abusive). He said other bad things and then he switched into another personality which I'd never seen before. I was terrified. My sister had to take away my computer and clean me up and give me her prescription medication.
Now I am terrified. I'm scared of him. Scared he'll get mad again and it will happen. Scared he will hate me. I don't know what to do because I'm constantly afraid and it's hard to eat when I feel anxious and nauseous all the time. I don't know who to turn to or ask and I'm just so afraid and that probably sounds absolutely ridiculous.
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