Well, with respect to my father who was my abuser some core beliefs I identified were stuff I decided in childhood to accept as "true" but on closer investigation were not helpful beliefs in adulthood. I had to go back and re-examine them. Stuff like:
I was an unwanted child. My father treats me this way because I was a hole in the diaphragm baby.
My father is always angry at me because he wanted a boy.
My father doesn't love me because he never said so (until I was 18) or gave me caring, kind contact... only punishments and beatings.
Nothing I will ever say or do will change the way my father feels about me or treats me.
I am ugly.
I am unworthy of love or kindness.
I am an accident.
If he goes after me, then my mother is safe.
Men are violent, cruel and mean.
Men are controlling
...which brought me to not being able to protect myself or be protected....
My mother is incapable of protecting herself or me.
My mother allows the abuse so she won't get worse.
My mother is a doormat.
Women are not entitled to fair treatment.
It is not reasonable to expect that a marriage will be free from abuse.
(not all of the list, just some that I'm willing to share)
Thought bundles they're called. Beliefs or ideas developed in childhood that are based on a child's understanding or perception that are accepted as true to the point of becoming an impediment or detriment in our adult life. On investigation/examination with the adult mind... the first one was false and that skewed my perception about aspects of most all of the others. I accepted as "true" that I was an unwanted/ill timed pregnancy because I was told this often by my abusive father however by other accounts... a grandparent from both sides and my mother I was not a "hole in the diaphragm baby". I was a "wanted" child.
Also on adult investigation, I learned my father's contact with me and with his sibling sister was either abusive or non-existent, more likely because his own mother, my fraternal grandmother was sexually abused by her step father. Not just my father but both his other male siblings and also his father (my grandfather) - out of respect for Imogene, were keenly aware of potential impropriety and disinclined to hug or display affection in the form of physical contact.
My father and his siblings were also all abused children (physically and emotionally but not sexually).
This lopsided view skewed my perception about men, the role of men and also about women/wives/mothers. Following the thought bundles about my mother... she herself was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by my father. Though she did not have any trauma history of abuse prior to her marriage with my father, she was a victim of abuse herself. She did try to leave the relationship while pregnant with me after a particularly violent beating, but my maternal grandparents sent her back to his household and refused to let her come home. She never tried again.
My father, did not ever try (that I can recall) to kill me. But I was present when he did try to kill my mother and also when the beatings were so severe that I would provoke him so he would turn it on me to stop him from causing grave injury to her. He rarely (my mind says "never" but I don't know that it's entirely true) laid a finger on my brother.
Don't know if this is helpful... it's just some of the core beliefs that I needed to identify and attempt to change as carrying them was a detriment to not just romantic relationships but a good deal of all the other aspects of my life. Self worth, self image also being affected.
Here's some more info: Link Removed
Link Removed
[DLMURL]http://www.resilient-mindset.com/2014/02/08/how-to-use-a-thought-diary-to-challenge-unhelpful-thoughts-beliefs/[/DLMURL]
In this case, your core beliefs seem to be linked to opening up and talking about your heritage and some unhelpful or possibly irrational core beliefs about your father maybe (hazarding a guess) something like "my father's disapproval is killing me", "My father thinks I am a traitor. Traitors deserve death. I might die because I hold views that are op-positional to my father's." I don't know... something like that. You got a couple good observations linking the opening up about your heritage with your father's disapproval though. Only you can figure out your thought bundles.
Not the best explanation, but the rudiments of it. Hope you find something helpful Ayesha.
