How Do You Comfort Yourself When There Is No-one To Comfort You?

[Echo]

@Wyakin - thank you. You are so kind. I am in a complete state just now so I won't reply in my totally spaced-out state. I've just returned from seeing my therapist and the session just wasn't long enough to deal with everything that is going on. Like you say, I am aware something massive is brewing for me and I'm finding it hard to stay in my body at all. I am barely present.

I did manage to worm and de-flea my moggies, but managed to buy two lots of worming tablets. What a sieve-head! Still, a girl cannot have enough worming tablets. I'll just have to make sure I don't take them myself!

Hugs to you, too.

 

[Notsowild]

@Echo...and my mother discovered me being interferred with by my father and made a trade-off with him. He could continue to do so as long as he didn't abuse my younger sister. I realise she would have done anything to hold onto him. It leaves me feeling utterly crap, though, of course
---------------------------------------------------

Boy can I relate to this. My mother left my father once but always came back. I let myself be abused to save my younger sisters but they were eventually abused too.

I too do not have any friends I can talk too. I have my son and daughter but even though they sort of understand I can feel them pushing away( don't know if that's the right word) if I say too much.

I was thinking about joining an anxiety/depression group in town. But due to my last trauma ( car accident) I don't drive to far and especially not at night.

Anyways hope you feel better. I understand. I love reading your posts:hug:

 

[Echo]

@Notsowild - I was talking about the mind-set of the abuser today with my therapist. I keep seeing the best in people. I never want to hurt anyone, not an animal, fly or wasp. I don't understand how they can do such awful things and KEEP ON doing them. I can have compassion for people in many different circumstances, but your parents and my parents are beyond understanding. My therapist said she also struggles enormously to understand what drives them and the compulsion to which they are subject. Or is it just complete and utter selfishness? I wish it were possible to forgive and move on. I don't feel hatred or anger towards them, just total bafflement. How when they are given the beautiful gift of a child, can they do this?

I am so sorry you are going through this, too. I can see that it must be so hard to explain this to your children. I guess they want you to be their mum first and foremost. We do all need someone to talk to.

Thank you for saying you like my posts. I worry that I go on a bit too much!

Is your avatar a picture of a furry friend? He/she looks very lovely and cuddly. My special healer cat is with me at the moment on flashback duty, hugging my heart, so I can barely reach the keyboard!

 

[Hope4Now]

@Echo, my heart is with you. And my many comforting hugs. I'm sorry your therapy appointment was not long enough. I can so relate to that. I just got home from mine too. It never feels there is enough time to get through things that need getting through.

I don't know what else to say that is wise or healing. I'm just sending you love and peace. You are stronger than you think you are.

Do you listen to much music? I just posted a song I've been listening to for some comfort. I actually made a 20 song playlist that I've been listening to rather desperately in an attempt to stay grounded. For some reason I find that singing helps. Even though I am a terrible singer...really, I am :)

It's here at post #29: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/willing-to-share-healing-poetry-music-etc.40156/page-2

 

[Wyakin]

@Echo I am sorry your appointment wasn't long enough. I hope you manage to get some relief and find yourself soon.

Too much wormer for the cats just means more chances at getting it in them! I get the fun of worming one of the feral's tomorrow, I get the awful feeling I'm going to need to wear thick gloves.

 

[Echo]

@Hope4Now - thank you so much. I have just listened to your song and wanted to find one to reciprocate. I'll see what I can find.

@Wyakin - some of my best friends have been feral cats. They all make a bee-line for me. Or at least they did when I had my girl cat. She used to let them have the back garden and she took the front one. I gave up on worming them 'by mouth' and just wrapped the tabs in very scrummy food. They were usually so hungry that they'd eat anything! You are very brave! I once fetched four hay bales and made a nest for a lovely boy in my shed. It stank to high heaven in the end, but we loved one another anyway. He just wasn't house-trained and getting him in a cat basket was asking to have your arm shredded. So we agreed on this arrangement, the three of us.

 

[Hope4Now]

I LOVED the song you posted! Am going to buy it on iTunes. Thank you for sharing it. And thank YOU for being an inspiration.

The song put me in mind of the Marianne Williamson poem I have always loved. While it's not mine to dedicate, I'll dedicate my posting of it to you. I am wishing you the ongoing courage to liberate your strength and your light all along your journey dear Echo. Rather than clutter up your thread, I've posted it on mine: #31 https://www.myptsd.com/threads/willing-to-share-healing-poetry-music-etc.40156/page-2#post-680101

 

[Wyakin]

@Echo Maybe you should come over and deal with our feral :D I prefer the tablets in food method but sadly he needs weighing before I can dose him and a thorough health check. He's not too bad once you get hold of him but in order to do that I have to be shut in a poorly lit confined space with a black ball of claws and teeth! He's also notorious for behaving like he has given up and then sinking his teeth in to your hand. He can be quite a sweet cat when not restrained but he doesn't talk to me much anymore as it always seem to be me that gets volunteered to worm and deflea him.

 

[ghotiff]

@Echo

Would this different perspective help?
They didn't reject you, they were just too consumed with their own lives to even be aware of your needs.

 

[Echo]

@ghotiff - yes, I'm definitely going to have to find a way of reframing it all. I feel I'm going to have to lay my truth at the door of each of them and return the responsibility where it belongs. I might well then find out that the self-punishing sense I have made of all of it is not the truth.

 

[ghotiff]

I remember once when I had a non-PTSD issue (whcih is easier, but the principle is valid).

Someone did me a slight wrong (rude waitress) and I decided I had a some control about how I viewed their behaviour. I started by listing all teh reasons they might not have called me back eg
Negative (for me)
- they didn't like me
- they looked at me as a lesser being
- they were too busy with the 'nice' table and didn't think I was important enough
Positive (for me)
- that it had nothing to do with me and they had had a really bad day and they weren't upset with me, just struggling. In fact, maybe they felt 'safe' with me to let their guard down a little.

Now, don't get me wrong....it took me a long time to reach that last possibility...but once I saw it I didn't know if it was true or not, but I decided it didn't matter. In this particular circumstance (no relationship etc) it didn't in reality matter the 'why' ... it only mattered for me and how it was making me feel about myself. So I decided to choose the option that it was because they valued me enough to give me space. This re-framing helped me.

The trick though....is not to give excuses or false reasoning to situations that DO matter. And for me I decided to define those situations as ones where I will continue to have interactions in the future with that person, particularly if they will be of a personal nature.

Hope that helps.

 

[Ryn]

The trick though....is not to give excuses or false reasoning to situations that DO matter.

Just want to second this bit. I do really appreciate @ghotiff's point of view and outlook on this especially for minor situations - it can be so refreshing and freeing, really, to let go of certain things like this. I just know that you, @Echo, like me, can tend to minimise wrongs against us or explain them away to other issues because we hate to have the attention focused on us - when in the end it really was unwarranted rejection and cruelty against us, and I think that many of the experiences you have written about fall unfortunately into that category. You are right that the responsibility needs to be returned where it belongs. I hope as various people such as your ex begin to offer explanations, reasons, and possibly excuses for why they acted the way they did, you won't feel obligated to immediately forgive/accept them and push the issue under the rug. Not to say you should hold a grudge - by all means work things out however you think would be best - but - what they did was wrong, and hurtful, and really quite cruel, and harm against you should never be taken lightly. Sorry, I think I'm getting a bit defensive/protective of your lovely self! I hate that people could do this to you - seriously, you are worth so much more than that.

That was a bit incoherent, I apologise - know that I'm reading and listening and am here to support if I can. So sorry you are struggling with so much at the moment. I hope your darling cats will continue to provide a bit of comfort. Sending lots of hugs. (((((Echo)))))