What Do You Wish That Family, Friends, And People In General Understood About You?

[shimmerz]

@Junebug I don't recognize BS and people don't understand that about me either. I trust everyone. All bad. I so wish I could learn this skill. If you have a spare year or so would you mind sharing with me what you already know?

 

[Nicolette]

Anyway, please understand that I'm not upset or anything like that.....but I would like to stick to the topic.

@Tippi, the thread wasn't being taken off topic; I kindly ask that you respect that others can express their own take/view on a situation/topic and it not be written how you would like to read with it still being relevant to the topic. Everyone is at a different place in their journey with different levels of healing.... let's not be dismissive about that please as you can see how many members liked the post.

 

[Go Hungry]

Actually I'm afraid that people understand too much about me. I feel like I'm terribly ugly on the inside, and that it translates to my behaviour outside. I really haven't accomplished much in the temporal sense. I'm quite poor, have been in an utterly dead-end job for 9 years now (because I thought it was the best I could do, self-defeating prophecy) I'm divorced, I'm rather needy, and I'm a verified madman. All of this translates through my actions. I mainly just don't want anybody to know these things. I guess if we lived in a much more kind and understanding society, but we don't.

I suppose I would wish that people understand the challenges in my life, and not judge me based on external accomplishments? But that I know I've got these faults, and I know there is an answer out there (or in me). A key with which to thrive. And I'm going for it.

 

[Tinyflame]

@shimmerz , I can only say (learning the hard way), to neither trust nor mistrust, in essence see what unfolds. Be a blank slate. Like layers, one sometimes does not know if it will be an onion underneath or an orange. Time reveals things. Also know that people, we all, can change etc. And that all of us hold about 5 core values that determine what is chosen (and is) most important to us. As people reveal values we come to understand more.

I think it shouldn't require checking your intellect at the door. Such as Bloom saying respect. To cut others slack but recognize what it infers. To disclose with discretion. Not so much to be wary as to remain neutral, not affording more trust or information despite being tempted it's safe. Extremely tiny increments over a long time. Evaluating with new info. Looking at context. Affording yourself basic human rights.

JMHO though.

 

[Tinyflame]

Also, comparison of behaviour. Would the other person talk or act with x, y, z the same? That can show something of what they think of treating people in general, or what is most important to them.

Don't read more or less in to what your intellect sees. If someone is polite in public, they are polite in public, neither 'nice' or 'not very nice' as a person. Know that non-verbal actions indicate 90% of the truth, not words (either way).

Thanks for the thread @Tippi . I hope you find some peace with this. As GoHungry & Bloom said when all is said & done I've given up on 'wishing', some will understand or accept or they won't. :hug:

 

[shimmerz]

not judge me based on external accomplishments

So true, this is where I feel the pressure to be 'normal'. By what I have, what I have accomplished, where I live, what I do. All ego stuff. I am not there and actually never have been. I succeeded but always for someone else's benefit.

@Junebug this information is invaluable as I think that some of this misunderstanding that we are speaking about is more about me not understanding others than them not understanding me. So many things about this world that I just don't get. Things are important to others and not to me and vice versa. Thank you so much - I will read this over and over. The non-verbal communication is something that I really suck at. :hug:

 

[RussH]

@Tippi you left out one thing you are, that you wished others knew: You are a beautiful human being.

I too am overly sensitive, and that has caused me no end of pain, but I would not give up that trait because it allows me to care for others, and to be empathic to their pain.

 

[Tippi]

@Nicolette I don't see at all how you thought I was being dismissive......I didn't mean to sound that way at all.

Sadly, after I wrote that, I did not think that it had posted, as I had changed my mind about it. I don't even recall hitting a "Post Reply" button! I honestly don't. I do recall that I tried to get off the entire thread and the little circle on my computer just kept going round and round and round......and I finally had to stop and restart my entire computer. I'm thinking that it's possible that it posted that way? I have no idea..........but what I should have done is come back here later and re-checked to make sure it had NOT posted. The reason I didn't want to post it is because I didn't want anyone to think I was upset......I was honestly just trying to stick to the topic. I very much understand and respect others' ideas and their right to post whatever they wish! In fact, I think if you look at my other posts, I think you can see that I haven't been disrespectful to anyone.

I always end up so very confused on forums, and I never have thought I did very well on them. I know how easily it is to misconstrue the written word because you simply don't have facial expressions and tone of voice to go by. So something that was never meant at all to sound angry or sound upset can end up looking that way to others.

Thank you, and good luck to all of you. The posts I have received were always so encouraging and kind....and I can't even begin to thank you all for being so wonderful the short time I was here.

Anyway, I don't leave the forum in anger.....maybe a little sad. I guess I'll never understand why people reprimand others without first checking with someone what their intentions were. I hope it's okay for me to stand up for myself here, and to say that I disagree with the way you worded your post to me.

In all honesty, best of luck to you, Nicolette, and to everyone else. I think I need to pay attention to my feelings here and just bow out gracefully.............:)

 

[anthony]

@Tippi, now you're playing the self-pity card, and it is wrong. If you can't accept that people will respond to what you post with diverse views, experience and culture, then just don't post and don't go for the sympathy post after being told so. That just really annoys me.

 

[BloomInWinter]

@Tippi, it is not possible on the web to see people's invisible intentions. All we have to go on is their words.

I hold no ill will towards you. I did find your actual words to be patronizing, whatever your intent was. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that wasn't your intent.

If you wish to leave, that's your choice. But you can also choose to stick around and put it behind you. Whatever you choose, I send many wishes that you receive deep healing and peace on your journey.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I have felt misunderstood my whole life, and I can tell you that it was/is extremely painful.

Me too. My PTSD and trauma symptoms were used against me in childhood, to justify not protecting me or trusting me. There are plenty of things I wish other people understood about me.

I didn't start this thread for any other reason than for people to share what they personally wished that others understood about them.

I couldn't return to that place in my life when I wished people understood me. So, I tried to give a pragmatic response which might help people get to the place @BloomInWinter and I were writing from... a place where the wish has become unnecessary. Wishing seems so... painful now, to me... like a forlorn feeling of loss. But, your title question actually had a life changing result in my life!

I had to ask your question, in my own recovery, until I finally realized that the crux of the matter was not what others think of me, but what I think of myself. They will never think about me in a proper way. Some people, believe it or not, think much higher of me than I deserve, and that can go to my head, making me quite a "prat". I believe I've used that term correctly. The opposite is true as well, some people think much less of me than I deserve, and I can hang my head in shame, in response to their attitudes toward me. What a life! Oscillating between these two extremes, and on whose authority? How could anyone define me better than I can define myself? Getting off that roller coaster was the best thing I ever did for myself. And, answering this thread question, when I asked it myself, in my own journey, was the beginning of understanding what I like about myself and what I accept about myself. That leads to self-esteem, self-respect. If you can't get respect anywhere else (and even if you can) there's no better feeling than respecting yourself.

Wishing you the best in your recovery,
Muz

BTW, I didn't like your response either. :p But, I'm not offended.:cool: Anymore. :cautious: I hope you'll hang around for awhile. It makes me sad when people leave the forum unhappy with us. Anthony and Nicolette have seen years of people coming and going, that's what people do. But, I like to see people leave because they've outgrown us, or they've become too busy living their "real" lives. I suppose, I also admire resilient people who can take a paradigm shift below the belt and walk it off without limping... too much.:)

 

[mamachick]

I still think this was a great topic and brought about some really good thoughts. It seemed to unfold in a natural way although not the intent of the original post, it sure demonstrated the validity of being misunderstood. Not only does it remind me of my own thoughts of feeling misunderstood, it validated my own belief that words will not make others understand us more clearly in most cases and when I had that need to be understood, what need I was trying to fulfill.

Tippi-I agree with others that it is your choice to leave or that you can stay and see that maybe what was thought to be an onion turned out to be an orange. Sometimes the things that we wish to avoid the most, hold the highest benefits in changing our understanding by facing head on. I also wish you the best in whatever your decision is