Is It Ever Gone?

[IWIK]

Does this ever actually go away for good? Has anybody fully overcome and beat this struggle completely or will there always be triggers and nightmares? I just don't want to do this anymore. I know nobody here does. I'm at a breakdown point of overwhelming defeat right now. I just want it to all be gone....erased from memory. Does that ever happen?

 

[WillyKat]

Let me try to change the perception a bit. I'm saying this after spending most of my life in the spot you're in right now. Move the goal posts. Instead of thinking of beating, going away, fully overcoming, gone or defeat, think in terms of baby steps in a healthy direction, attainable goals, mitigating, chipping away, eroding, journey of a thousand miles. Above all...patience. You'll need to be quiet yet relentless.

This same general theme comes up on this forum every couple of weeks and is a question we all have. You are not alone is asking it; we all do. We all start to think there is a silver bullet, a mighty swing of a sword, or a switch that turns it off. There isn't. A great deal of work and dedication will be required.

It's more like an exercise program or looking for a job. You won't see results from minute to minute or even from day to day; eventually, one day you'll say..."oh hey, I handled that situation w/o getting triggered. Kewl!"

I think taking that looooooong view, yes you can start dealing with the triggers and nightmares. You may have one fewer of each next month, then you might go for a whole week w/o.

There will be some setbacks; just when you think you've made some headway, something crappy happens and you have a bad week. Re-focus and get back up and go to work.

 

[Recovery4Me]

You have come to the right place to heal, grieve and even be pissed about having PTSD. There is a lot of info and people you can talk to about what you are feeling. It does get better...it really does but as WillyKat offered...in steps.

:hug:'s if you accept them. Welcome aboard.

 

[Friday]

Can you imagine a whole year with everything you hate about this gone? I had 10.

I don't want to blow sunshine up your ass. I am in a wicked bad way right now. I've had 2 good days in the past year. It's gotten so bad that I'm writing down when I have good hours, just so I don't forget about them, but I actually am happy/excited about those good hours because the rest is hard. But as bad as things are now (and have been for a little while), I have the memory of a whole effing decade of everything that I hate about PTSD being gone. There were some minor things, a few nightmares here and there a brief round of insomnia, a bad week. Which sounds like nothing right now, huh? A few nightmares a year? I'd kill for that.

My son almost died a couple years ago. ERs, PICUs, medically complex kids wards. 6 months of close fighting, 2 years of intermittent fighting. Sometimes emergent, sometimes waiting. The first time he coded I almost lost my mind. After a few dozen times, though, you learn to trust the process. Alright, here we go again! It took him about 2 years to fully recover... And he'll never be fully recovered. He has meds to take, and protocols to follow... But he's tearing up the field in sports, telling jokes in class and getting in trouble for it, doing the petulant teen thing. He has a normal life.

I think of this time that I'm in now, that I was in 15 years ago when this first hit... Like my son in the hospital for 6 months. It sucks. Pure and simple sucks. It's effing hard. But, is there light? Yep. That's why we fight. Because it isn't always like this. Because there is a life to get back to. Even if we have stupid effing setbacks. PTSD is like asthma, or diabetes, or cancer, or anything else that just effing sucks. And goes all crisis mode from time to time. But it's not always this bad.

 

[risingsun]

Does this ever actually go away for good?

I think that as you work through your grief, heartache, immense fears and unfortunate memories, you will come to a point when you are able to fully release them little by little and come back to that quiet space within yourself that is peaceful and calm. It is always waiting for your return. So do i believe full healing is possible? Absolutely. I believe that PTSD does not have to be a life sentence. Keep the faith. You will heal from this. Know it and work through your fears. You will find that safe place within yourself again. Warmest. Rising Sun.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think full remission is possible, but you will always need to take steps to ensure that a relapse does not happen. That means you will always require a higher level of self care. A new seemingly minor trauma may push you back over the edge into experiencing full blown symptoms again. I honestly think that even if you do experience full remission, if you interpret it as fully healing, you're playing with fire. That is, if you experience full remission and interpret it as full healing, you're likely to throw all those coping skills you learned out the window (why would you need them if you think you're healed?) and this is where trouble may start. But, if you interpret it as a remission and acknowledge that you need to work hard to stay healthy, I think that you'll be more likely to stay in remission. Make sense?

You'd be surprised at how many people post claiming to be "healed" only to return weeks or months later when experiencing full blown symptoms again. Honestly, if you know that a relapse or spike in symptoms is possible, it is a LOT easier to handle than if you think you're healed and then realize you're not. In the former case you know it is a minor setback that can be dealt with, in the latter case it feels more catastrophic and can induce feelings of failure. Just my experience.

 

[Jane.l]

I don't think it can be erased from your memory but I have some success targeting one flashback and doing a lot of gradual exposure therapy on it - it was an f'ing horrible process and I really struggled with it but I have noticed that I can think a little about that event and it doesn't affect me as much as it did , it's lost a little of its power. Trouble is it would take forever to work on all the flashbacks this way.

So I am not sure you can get healed - I think we are aiming for bearable.

 

[IWIK]

My son almost died a couple years ago. ERs, PICUs, medically complex kids wards. 6 months of close fighting, 2 years of intermittent fighting. Sometimes emergent, sometimes waiting. The first time he coded I almost lost my mind. After a few dozen times, though, you learn to trust the process. Alright, here we go again! It took him about 2 years to fully recover... And he'll never be fully recovered. He has meds to take, and protocols to follow... But he's tearing up the field in sports, telling jokes in class and getting in trouble for it, doing the petulant teen thing. He has a normal life.

I'm so sorry about such a hard scare. It's an awful time for a mother to go through. I had a daughter pass away almost 9 years ago. Then 10 months later my son passed. :-(

 

[Recovery4Me]

@IWIK there are quite a few members that will be able to walk with you on your journey to heal that have lost love ones or are surviving parent(s). I am one of them. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[darrenS]

Yes i believe you can overcome it , it takes work and lots of it , but i also think its important to put and keep things in context, i did have a major moment a few weeks back that didnt seem to want to stop , it did through constant grounding and diversion. I felt and do feel exactly like you when it rears its ugly head, at times it can feel hopeless. But the little bit of sanity that shines through ever so bleakly when im in the zone, i grab hold of , and use in whatever way i can. By putting it in context, i say to myself i dont want to be like this and find those intrusive thoughts and unhealthy responses and gently sway them to more positive responses. But most importantly of all, i find a reason to laugh , whether its by tv, books or just plain silly behavior , once i have cracked that hard face of mine, things just seem to get a lot simpler.