Relationship Moving On And Dating But Seek Advice

[whserenitynluv]

Not by any means am I saying my connection in my past isn't still there, it always will be. The problem is that tie is rendered. I totally screwed it up and have no way to even try to rekindle the past even though I've had countless people say just call. Well you don't just call someone that says jump off a bridge you piece of shit. Which was my fault as a cptsd person.

So moving on relentlessly it's time to put the feelers out there for new potential healthy partners and friends, I didn't want to but my t said it's time, because waiting will deliberately make it worse. So for all of you supporters out there. What was the ways your partners or friends told you that they had ptsd that worked for you?

This will help because I've lost amazing friendships because of the shell shock it gives me and the inability to express anything really if they don't know.

Your thoughts about this would be awesome as a set of tools as the timing and what worked any ideas?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

After all of your recent posts are you sure you're ready to start dating? You just stopped social media and texting. I think you need a bit more time. I think you're jumping the gun.

 

[arfie]

With my husband, I let it trickle out little by little as part of the "getting to know you" process, both before and after the marriage. We've only been married 34 years. I think we'll need another 34 to finish getting to know each other. Maybe more. No big plan or massive revelation. I just told it in bits and pieces as seemed relevant to whatever conversations we had as we went along. Most often as explanations for odd reactions. Sometimes just conversational. Other times because I just needed to get something out of my system.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

As an ex-supporter of someone with cPTSD who didn't tell me until we had been dating for about a year, I say be upfront about it. No one needs all of the details, but you let out small bits at a time. Those conversions happen.

I remember telling him about my trust issues and my fear of being hurt again. That would have been a perfect opportunity for him to start with maybe his anxiety.

When my ex finally told me, it was a shock, but also made a lot of things come together. I understand it was hard for him to tell me, but was still angry he waited so long, and hurt. Some of my pain would have been lessened if I'd know I wasn't to blame for some things, like his isolation. We were together for another 1.5 years. Sometimes knowing made it easier, sometimes not, but having knowledge is always best.

Don't wait too long. If you think you might be able to trust someone with your heart, trust them with your truth. If they can't handle it, best to know right away. Just my opinion.

I wish you the best!

 

[whserenitynluv]

@Solara

After all of your recent posts are you sure you're ready to start dating? You just stopped social media and texting. I think you need a bit more time. I think you're jumping the gun.

Yes part of the triggers were based there, so I eliminated the facebook and texting. Set some behavioral ground rules for my new facebook page, like behavior, when I get upset or if I'm in a relationship that facebook is not the place to be things like that. I feel so much remorse and guilt for the unknown reaction or possible harm I might have done to someone it is unreal. I wrote a letter about it offline, that I'm going to burn, hopefully that will help. It sounds red oculus to be into someone that didn't know you were alive and even more ridiculous my romantic side.... And I pray he is ok. With that said, to find closer besides turning into the rockstar I used to be (adrenaline not needed; she said it is important to practice new relationships. Gave me some skills to work with in those relationships like nothing extreme. I told her that I was lonley and if that was what I needed and that I hadn't had a hug for a very long time. Except the other day, that is shitty, in no way am I trying to give my heart in a relationship even of it was right at the moment, it's a new heart and this will be the first in love I've ever felt and that is going to be for my next ltr. I'm not sure if that makes sense?

 

[whserenitynluv]

@arfie I'm glad that worked for you and that it has brought happiness in your marriage /) so help me guys. Let's say every time I meet someone worth my time, my cowboy side comes out, I open doors ect , I'm nice ect, but even though I can tell I avoid it like there is no way he would love me because he's so great. I've ran into this before, I've actually written long texts and erased them, or said can we talk, then the talk came and I couldn't say anything, which people get frustrated some people say your weird and my attempts at trying are not calculated which is felt as a sudden surprise . Any hints on how to overcome these things to function? I don't ever want to have that regret ever again, I think I made the biggest mistake of my life

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I still think you're jumping into something new too fast. Just because someone told you a few skills doesn't mean you're ready for a new relationship. What's wrong with taking your time? It seems like your looking for something out there to fill a void in yourself. That never works.

 

[whserenitynluv]

@Solara. No matter what that particular void will never fill, and that's unfortunate, but I will take your advice. It feels right to me ... And that feels good:) thank u:hug:

Now sex, can we start a thread on sex it's been a year for me lol guess I'll wear white on my wedding day and in a sense be ok lol

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hahaha yes, start a thread on sex!

 

[whserenitynluv]

Go for it! I promise I'll talk ,it's important because a I don't want to just go out but b makes methink a quick relationship c I've been told to wait for marriage but marriage is overrated, c I haven't found closure on a few things, so please let's start one

 

[Deleted member 1860]

How do I start it? Geesh. I don't know what to say! As it is I don't even want to talk about the relationship I'm getting into because I don't want to hear all the nay-sayers tell me I'm crazy! And maybe I am crazy, but who cares, you only live once! LOL Wait for marriage? *shakes head* Never! You've gotta test drive the car before you buy it! Sexual compatibility is VERY important!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok, I'll go start it. It will be more of a random, say what you want to say, ongoing thread, ok?