I Need Help.

[Domuhe]

Oh and just because you get violent when you get triggered - that does not you have PTSD either... And it is OFFENSIVE that you believe that is a symptom of PTSD and it means you have PTSD or are like people with PTSD. That is a stereotype that is FALSE.

People with many kinds of disorders including sensory integration disorder can become violent when triggered, at statistically much greater rates than when people with PTSD get triggered.

Stop with the offensive views on what you think PTSD is and that you have it.

 

[Ufiru]

Unless you had an fMRI or PET scan, which are extremely expensive and almost never covered by insurance, there is no way to tell if your amygdala is "extremely active" or not. Brain activity does not show up on "brain scans" unless you had a fMRI or PET scan.

Most brain scans Show physical structures, not actual brain activity.

Also, fight or flight symptoms are not exclusive to the part of the brain you think that it is.

Someone can have an overactive thyroid and have through the roof fight or flight symptoms and aggression/anxiety.

I agree with other posters. Why didn't your doctor think you have PTSD? They clearly did a pretty through work up if they did brain scans.

What do you hope to gain by labeling yourself as having PTSD? What do you seek from this forum? Even you have written you have a condition "like PTSD." But it's not PTSD. So what are you looking for by posting in this forum?

 

[Jaheg]

Weekly pot use can cause structural brain changes in teenagers. You are using it every day.

Every drug has a trade off. If your brain structure is already abnormal, I would suggest laying off the pot and getting a neuropsych eval for proper assessment. Please check out this: Dead Link Removed

 

[Gozu]

I'm not sure what a PET scan is but I go do neuro feedback and that's where the scan was done. I'm only relying the info the licensed professional told me and my parents.

I posted on here because I have a disorder that is caused by my brain perceiving certain stimuli as traumatic and causes me to experience ptsd symptoms. I'm here because I figured this would be the ideal place to talk about the trauma I feel every days. Sorry if that isn't appropriate or if you let that offend you. Why don't I go to a Misophonia board, someone asked? Misophonia is found in everyone to a degree (does nails down a chalkboard bother you?) But my reactions are much different from a nails down chalkboard response and Misophonia only deals with sound.

I'm not here discrediting people with PTSD. I thought this was was a support forum yet most of you seem to argue about definitions and whether or not my disorder falls under a certain legal criteria.

In fact just so you know I posted here originally because I had gotten home from work late at night and was experiencing one of the worst panic attacks I have had and I felt like I was at a breaking point so I Googled trauma support forum (because multiple state-licensed medical professionals told me that i have a trauma disorser)and began typing my thought out as a way of getting everything out. Sorry if I came off as confused and kind of rambling but I wasn't thinking straight and sharing me thoughts on a support forum seemed like a good idea.

 

[Ijut]

Gozu, I am sorry to learn you are having such a hard time with your conditions. This is the internet and unfortunately text does not give a full picture of any story. Body language and tone play a huge part in how we communicate and relate to one another. I'm sure you would have received more empathetic responses if you were standing face to face. At 18 you are allowed to make a few mistakes. I have a much younger brother who is your age now.

Self medicating is not uncommon. I did the same thing when I was younger. I hope that in time you can find a healthier way to cope as Marijuana may help in the short term but over the long term it tends to make you feel worse. Are you seeing a therapist now? I cant suggest what kind of treatments would help but there are many available for you to try. I encourage you to stay strong and keep trying until you find something that works for you. You are obviously intelligent I'm sure that given the opportunity you will have a lot to offer the world.

It seems you have hit a raw nerve by comparing your condition to PTSD. I'll do my best to explain why (in a non judgmental way). PTSD sufferers have all experienced or witnessed horrific traumas ranging from things such as war, violent or gruesome death, torture, rape, severe burns, child abuse and others.The symptoms of PTSD include intense flash backs of the traumatic event/s, night terrors, dissociation, withdrawing, being constantly on edge, numbing, insomnia, rage, chronic pain and more. On this forum we often see people claiming to have PTSD when they really don't. They might say they were dumped by their girlfriend or something similar. Those of us that have lived through horrific life threatening traumas find this very insulting. Since it happens so often we tend to jump straight in the defensive pool when someone claims to have PTSD or as you said something "similar to PTSD".

Please don't let the comments you received deter you from reaching out again. I was very moved by your post and think you are very strong to deal with the things you face at your age. Since your condition is so isolating you must feel like you have so little support. A network of friends is so important. It sounds like you carry the weight of the world around on your shoulders. An online support network would probably be ideal for you. Maybe its just about finding the right one.

 

[Aso]

We've tried everything we've been able to find from OTC supplements to therapy, neuro-feedback, exposure therapy (which has since been proven to only make misophonia triggers worse), to eating healthier. Nothing helps at all. I'm constantly at the whim of my surroundings and when my surroundings take over I have little control over my actions. Smoking, (vaporizing technically- I prefer this method as it doesn't make me feel as tired and I'm not breathing in as many toxins) helps control my actions, but it leaves me feeling guilty and sad when I use it when I'm having a panic attack. First, it calms me down, then I get paranoid that my coping method isn't healthy and I could be making it worse over time... but it's the only thing that helps even remotely.

I hope everyone here understands that I am aware that PTSD caused form traumatic events is different in many ways. I've talked to a soldier I met in the E.R. once who has it and he told me about how he recently woke up in the middle of the night strangling his girlfriend. I understand that others' PTSD is different from the trauma I experience, but I'm still going to say I have PTSD. You mentioned dissociation, Ijut, well every day I wake up feeling like a different person in the same body and every day I constantly feel stressed out about the fact that it feels like I'm just watching my life in first person view, not actually living it. Part of me is just brain dead, which makes balancing self-medicating hard because when I smoke too much, it definitely has negative effects on my head. I'm a very withdrawn person. I can't even recall the last time I "hung out" with someone or did something social (that I enjoyed).

You mentioned the importance of having a network of friends. Well I don't have any friends, and for whatever reason I can't think of a single person in my life I've ever met that I would want to be around. I just feel like people cannot connect to me at all because my views on life in general or just so different. It's so sad. It's like my only option is to hang out with people I don't enjoy being around, and be bothered by every action they do so much that the whole time I feel adrenaline is building up in me and I need to kill someone. I've never hurt anyone in my life, but man having to live knowing very well that each day I experience things that make me instantly feel as if I need to just kill someone or myself really sucks.

It's even harder finding people who can understand what I go through. I just want a human being to be there for me... someone who's not my parents. I love them and knowing that they have to see me go through this not able to help just makes me feel so guilty, as well as angry I'm guilty that I'm powerless to overcome this and angry at the fact that they have to go through it also. I just wish I could be around them and also be a functioning person.

I have dreams at night where someone is there for me, and then I wake up and all I feel is death... I know this isn't related directly to PTSD, but man girls just don't like me at all. I look really young and I'm under-developed. I feel like I never actually went through puberty. This on top of everything else has led to extreme avoidant personality disorder that leaves me a crippling mess when going out places. I stuttered on and off as a child. There are some days I just can't really talk at all.

How do I deal with this? Can any of this even be "fixed" or treated? Who can I go to? There is no one in my area who does EMDR and I've been to the ER multiple times. The last time I went they kept me there for 9 hours and then told me they had no one to direct me to and pretty much sent me and my mom home with nothing. It's like I constantly feel every possible negative emotion every day and any positive emotions I feel are short-lived and set on fire in front of me as soon as they're over. (Not literally of course)

 

[Rodofe]

I can understand how the Marijuana is giving you some relief from your symptoms. I have a friend who suffers a lot of hyper vigilance and rage. He controls his condition with Marijuana too. He is a different person when smokes and calms right down. However when he is not smoking his symptoms become even worse. Over the long term his condition has continued to deteriorate this may be contributed to the fact that he doesn't seek any kind of professional help . Many people see Marijuana as a pretty harmless drug but in the long tern it can cause serious damage to the brain especially in youth. Forget over the counter treatments. If you are finding relief from smoking marijuana have a talk to your doctor as they may be able to prescribe something to help which has fewer long term side effects. Knowing that marijuana helps might be a key in your doctor deciding what medications to prescribes. If you do give up the marijuana expect it to get worse before it gets better.

Finding a treatment that addresses the root of your condition not just the symptoms is going to make a lot of difference.. This may be about finding the right health care provider or therapist. It may take several attempts to find one that is suited to you. Don't give up even if means look at options outside of your area. How long have you suffered from this condition? Do you have any idea what first triggered it? I have seen a number of therapists over the years but only found one that could help me its a process. EMDR was life changing for me and so far has been the only thing to help. Try that if you can get access to it somehow. I'm not sure about your area but IMO hospitalisation is not a very good long term solution. They tend to focus on immediate risk and not long term solution. I'm not saying its all bad. I think it is great if you are at immediate risk of danger to yourself or others. But for ongoing support sometimes you need to look in other places for the help you need.

I can relate to what you say about feeling as if you have a different view point in from many others .That is only because they have no concept of what it is like to suffer in this way. They are easily distracted by the glossy image of what they think life is, TV, movies, pizza and friends ect.. Where a bad day is having to go to work on a Friday when they would rather have a long weekend. They are not a sensitive to the cruelty and suffering in the world as are those of us who have experienced suffering first hand. Most people feel like this at some stage and its often about finding a group you fit in with. You don' have to be alone. There are actually many people who share your view points. There are some strong groups on Facebook that would be discussing the kind of issues you are concerned about, if you use that at all. Sometimes it is also good idea not to become too invoved in these thoughts as it can lead to making you feel worse or having issues with trust. Over thinking can sometimes alter the way we feel about something in a way that is more exaggerated than it really is. Try to do things which make you feel good about yourself and the world around you.

 

[Anafej]

The problem is we don't know anyone able to treat the root of my problems. No one not even me knows what it is. Therapy hasn't been helpful and I've had 4 different therapists. As far as medication goes, I was prescribed prozac for major depression which u had a bad reaction to, and my primary doctor told me the only thing he would prescribe are benzos. I was on ativan for two weeks but it didn't help at all. I could try something stronger but considering I am always bothered to a degree I can't say that would be a wise idea.

My current therapist (I forget what he's called but he's able to prescribe meds) told me to look into a medical marinara card, which would be best as certain strains really help me while others don't help at all and in fact make things worse. Too bad medical marinara dispensaries don't exist in my state, and you can only get out of an arrest from it if you have a written doctor's recommendation and a physical ailment.

 

[Civaki]

The problem is we don't know anyone able to treat the root of my problems. No one not even me knows what it is. Therapy hasn't been helpful and I've had 4 different therapists.

I would recommend you stop trying to treat it like its PTSD - because, while you have a symptom set very close to PTSD symptoms, you have a disorder that has an organic foundation, not a trauma foundation.

It's a little like trying to treat a traumatic brain injury the same way you would treat a migraine. They are both serious, they can both present parallel symptom sets - but one will respond to medication while the other will respond to rehab.

There is a website: clinicaltrials.gov
I suggest you start there, and begin identifying who is doing the cutting edge work and research on your actual condition. It will be frustrating because there won't be a lot - but there's going to be someone, somewhere.

In terms of managing your symptoms, you could also experiment with other kinds of pain and anxiety management. Or, if you think it's marijuana and you just want to stick with it, go for it - but do remember that there is still much that is unknown about how it works on the brain. Just don't delude yourself into thinking its natural and therefore "safer" than pills. It's a potent drug like any other.

 

[Eke]

What is the "trauma" (ie life threatening event) you experience every day?

 

[Racir]

I wish you all would read my posts and stop commenting on the fact that I don't go through life-threatening events daily. You don't have to have your life threatened to experience trauma. Get over it. I'm sorry if that offends you, and I am sorry for all those who go through physical trauma, but I'm not the one talking down on others here.

Do you even care to provide me help and support, Eke? What exactly is your point here? Are you trying to help or are you trying to get me to leave this forum or something because I'm some kind of outsider who "doesn't get" PTSD? Either offer me help with my situation or please, just stop wasting both of our time. You already knew the answer to that question before you posted it.

If I can't even find support and a trauma support website how do any of you expect me to find help from anyone? No one is able to help me. I've seen so many licensed professions who treat so many different ailments from trauma, misophonia, depression, anxiety... I used to have therapy sessions with the doctor who COINED THE TERM MISOPHONIA. I'm gonna leave this forum, or maybe find a more appropriate board to post in because the majority of the people on this board are just miserable people who don't care about helping others... and on a SUPPORT forum... give me a break.

Thanks again to those of you who provided constructive feedback on here. I really appreciate it.
To everyone else: sorry for offending you.