Extroverted Yet Afraid Of People

[Candleflames]

This is an odd place to be. I find people fascinating but at the same time am terrified of them.

On one hand I like to watch them and listen to their stories. I want to know what makes people tick. I also found that I work better when there are some people around. It’s like their energy and presence helps me create my own energy. I discovered this through work and so have a better idea of what kinds of jobs will be good for me in the future.

However I often find myself on the fringe because I also terrified of people. Ideas like they will mock me or spit on me go through my head and so I keep my distance and my head down. I’m not so worried what people will think of me just how they will act towards me. So in some ways being around people makes me feel worse.

I mostly know these are irrational fears but I still can’t stop them. I’ve been isolating myself more and more and am trying to stop that. I both need to be a part of a whole yet I am afraid to talk to them.

Are there any others with this fear of people? How do you cope? Move on?

 

[Nam]

I think it helps to know what characteristics are part of your personality and what things are part of an illness that is more transient. I like being around people too. I like getting to know people. But often, I don't like not being in control. There is a fine balance there. It's hard to trust other people's reaction.

I would go about it in a practice kind of way. Go to a library and just say hi to a stranger. Or go to the grocery store and strike up a conversation. It's amazing how different it is when you are the one that instigates a conversation. You'll find out that if people don't want to talk to you that it's okay. Give yourself time to process how it made you feel. Writing it down really makes quick work of that.

I don't know what your trauma is, but if you lost trust in people in a place you thought was safe, then you will have rebuild new memories where trust was not broken. It may take many times being out with people to ease the fear.

 

[Intrepid]

However I often find myself on the fringe because I also terrified of people.

If I could desensitize myself out of this I (without doing additional work) would have done so a long time ago. I've been on the fringe most of my life.

Now I'm getting involved with several groups where they really appreciate me. Its nerve racking. I get the feeling I'm going to get trolled, that someone is going to get in my face, and that the people there are not going to do anything about it. This is with online groups and face to face. I know that its rare to find people in these groups with malicious intent, and that the people I get to know are very protective of each other. Still, that fear it there, nagging. I was talking about my therapist last night saying I really don't want to belong, really don't want to be liked, and really want to stay isolated. She said that it's probably true that I to belong, be liked, and to be involved, but for right now they are frightening. (For a long time they've been frightening).

Mostly I've coped by staying on the fringe. That's pretty attractive, believe it or not. But I'm not doing that, even if I want to. I am working on this by letting myself get all twisted up with fear in social situations and start looking at why, not just the big "why" but the little "why's" as well. I know it's like peeling an onion. (I hate that metaphor, but it fits). I've been doing this sort of thing all summer, and now I'm getting to the big why.

Give yourself time to process how it made you feel.

I write it down how it makes me feel on 3x5 cards. That really helps.

 

[Rumors]

@Candleflames I could have written your very post!!! Pretty incredible because I thought I was weird for having those same feelings. I tend to know all about the people I am around and try to figure them out so to speak. However, I keep them at arms length when it comes to my personal life, emotions, feelings, etc. I find it soothing to connect with them on a level of helping them with things going on in their life, but the horror of having them into my personal stuff gives me acute anxiety. I like to try and figure people out too. I am not sure why. I guess because if I am busy figuring everyone else out I don't have to deal with my own stuff. Lol. Great post! Don't feel alone! I wish I had an answer...

 

[Candleflames]

I think it helps to know what characteristics are part of your personality and what things are part of an illness that is more transient.

I had a time where most of my symptoms were under control and I was able to talk to anyone anywhere. I made friends easily but they were the more superficial kind of friendships. I did and do have a handful of close friends. It's only been the past few years that this fear has taken hold of me and my good friends have noticed the change. So it would seem to me that the fear is what is transient in this situation. On the other hand being alone drives me nuts as does quiet. I can honestly say that I used to thrive on chaos. I've changed quite a bit in the past few years. I don't really know what is a core change and what is the PTSD. Right now I can only guess and try to figure out who I am now.

if you lost trust in people in a place you thought was safe, then you will have rebuild new memories where trust was not broken. It may take many times being out with people to ease the fear.

I am going back to school so I hope that will give me the practice I need.

I get the feeling I'm going to get trolled, that someone is going to get in my face, and that the people there are not going to do anything about it.

I think this is what I am afraid of the most. That people will mock or get incredibly snarky with me in a mean way. I'm not sure I could stand up for myself anymore.

However, I keep them at arms length

Yep I do that too. I have some really close friends but I still keep my insides hidden away most of the times. These are people I've know for 6+ years and I still keep them at arms lenght most of the time. Occasionally I'll let one in on a secret or how I really feel but that's rare.

 

[cupfish]

Me too, same thing. The result Is that I observe the world but am not quite a participant. Like looking through a window ... It's quite pleasant but distant. I'm tired of it. Methinks it's self-protective behavior even in the virtual absence of threats. I like people, places, travel, but intimacy is tough. I have been avoiding calling my best friend for 35 years because of this odd social dysfunction. There is NO REASON to avoid her, but I am all triggery for some reason. Sigh. It's so easy to twist up your logic with PTSD. Amazingly complex disease. Keep at it, the world is far less threatening than we weirdos think!