Not Invited By Family For Christmas - How To Process That

[Deleted member 28740]

Ask what they are all doing, like the same on Thanksgiving? I was the one harmed, now shunned.

 

[anthony]

How To Process That? I imagine slowly and delicately...

 

[Deleted member 28740]

A dear friend says that the best thing about banging your head against a brick wall is that it feels so good when you stop.

 

[TLight]

It hurts, its devastating, its unjust, and its downright cold hearted........

I was the scapegoat in my family too. Never deserved it, but it was easy to blame and abuse me than blame the 'god' of they mother and father.....

Best thing I ever did for myself was cut them out of my life and quit trying. It hurts more than someone dying....I know. The pain seems unbearable.
Going on 10 years now and none of them know if I'm alive or dead and, most likely, they don't care. Facing me would mean having to face their own pain and they aren't strong enough to do that.

I'm not strong enough to continue to take their unwarranted abuse.
I guess, without knowing the situation and i may be presumptuous here, but I say you are better off without them.

 

[Ronin]

Look at it differently, it's a chance to be without them, not hurt worse, process what they've done/how it makes you feel, you have time to not have spoiled holidays by them more. And frankly? Their loss. You deserve people who can value you for who you are.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

My mother passed away when I was a teenager and my father remarried. My stepmom had two kids and I just became the black sheep of the family. Certain family events that were being held from members on my step moms side, I never got an invitation too. It really hurt me but I've gotten pretty used to it by now. Could you possibly host your own festivities at your home and invite some close friends? Just an idea. I usually try to do my own thing when my family cuts me out!

 

[Friday]

Like @Kaia I'm another... Turn the problem on its ear... Kind of person.

<grin> But I absolutely love it when people end up doing me a kindness when they're trying to hurt me. Poor sobs, they just can't get it right, can they? If they really wanted to hurt me they'd have done the exact opposite.

There's a quote which has stuck with me in that vein. But, then, I'm often finding myself getting het up over something which... When turned on its ear & I take a step back is exactly what I would have wanted. If I weren't so pissed, hurt, or offended.

“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” Brigham Young

 

[Deleted member 12723]

hurts so much. This is why I had to cut my family out of my life. The fantasy is dead and buried. I think you are better off without them but I think they are the real losers. Such a sick family to do that to you. Hugs to you during this pain you are experiencing right now. It really sucks and I am so sad with you. I send you healing hugs of acceptance.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Just so. They can not look me in the eye. My dog does with love and respect. Not just 'cause I love and care for her. I have been there for every one of them when they were ill, needed help. Their shame, not mine. I work on forgiving. Do not want to build walls, just walk and don't look back.

Thanks @gizmo @FridayJones @Thunderstorm @Kaia @TLight

End of year, new path not walking that broken path.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oh Changeling, me too. I am so sick of my family dynamics. They don't shun me because of anything I did. They do it because they are evil and know it and they have to blame the victim.
I wouldn't choose any of them as a friend. I don't owe them the pleasure of my company.,
I just turned 60 and none of my family wished me happy birthday on Facebook. Today is my brothers birthday and my mother posted a lovely Birthday message for him-her partner in crime. They have some bizarre Oedipal thing going on. Arghh...too weird for me.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

KwanYingirl, HAPPY BIRTHDAY - getting dark so have to walk my Bella, will try to write more when I get back with a dog cleared present mind.
Finding this site has been finding a new balance. Don't talk about my inner life with all but one pal. Mom and brother's could write for ugly hours or months, on that. It was and is sick. Peace to you and deep breaths.

 

[Sighs]

I'm a supporter not a sufferer but my family of origin has some very weird dynamics. My older brother is the golden child who can do no wrong, while my every action is interpreted as being deliberately calculated to upset my parents. They are incredibly judgemental. This year I will be 1300km away from them for Christmas. I'm nearly 40 years old and tired of playing their stupid games. I plan to enjoy Christmas without them!