Fear Blocking Responsibilities

[falling_wave]

Does anyone struggle with anxiety debilitating your ability to do things you need to do despite worrying about it over a long period of time? I am starting to see this as a pattern. I get really overwhelmed with something (getting a traffic ticket, telling someone something important, etc). I usually panic but then in order to calm myself down I ignore it even though the fear is always kind of nagging. Then naturally it gets a whole lot worse and I am forced to deal with it, my anxiety goes through the roof, and I feel suicidal even though I wouldn't follow through. I think fear puts up some crazy block for me. My friend keeps saying she doesnot understand and I vow to never do it again but I think it's going to take some deeper work to avoid it. I feel so helpless and trapped sometimes and things pile on top of each other. Maybe it is related to childhold trauma? Sometimes I just feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a literal hole and I want to dissapear. Can anyone relate? How do you sup pose I go about this?

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

I can say I relate, I constantly procrastinate and avoid and so much has piled up. I get myself in a mess that could've been avoided if I hadn't procrastinated...like paying bills, getting car inspected, etc. I don't know why I I am like this, I have been diagnosed with depression, ADHD, and anxiety. And midlife stuff. I had childhood trauma and poor structure as a child and think it must stem from a poor coping skill. What makes it even more difficult is the guilt and shame that go along with this and how it causes increased feelings of self hatred, shame, and isolation. It has gotten pretty bad for me, just lost a 20 year job. I am working on getting counseling, seeing a psychiatrist, etc which I hope will help me get some control/structure. I hope the best for you!

 

[Fadeaway]

The thought of doing things like checking the mail for fear of bad news, is a huge issue for me. I know i need to do it, but I become so filled with anxiety I don't.

Is this similar to what you are talking about? If so yes can relate.

 

[jaccat]

I get that. I'm always putting off little jobs that I'm anxious about and they get bigger and bigger and bigger...
Right now I need to make a phone call. I know I'll be fine if I just do it and I'll feel much better after, but I just can't do it so I'm leaving it and tomorrow it'll be even harder to face. I know that, but I still can't make that phone call.
Sometimes I leave things for weeks and then they become impossible. So I ignore them altogether, which doesn't really work out so well

 

[Anarchy]

Does anyone struggle with anxiety debilitating your ability to do things you need to do despite worrying about it over a long period of time?

oh yes!
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/writing-resume-over-quarter-of-a-century-of-repeated-patterns.48201/
and guess what I'm avoiding doing today by commenting here?
my CV/resume.

In my own case, I think it ties in very well with what @sun seeker was describing about learned helplessness: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/helplessness-learned-in-childhood.49979/

 

[illusionist]

I used to be terrible for this and got myself into a lot of trouble. I learned that the consequences of not acting when I should can be far greater. Now I just push myself and it has made life a lot easier in the long run.

 

[scout86]

I actually never identified the feeling as anxiety or fear (thanks for the insight!) but, yep, sure do!

My T has mentioned that this can be kind of an ADHD issue too. Maybe there are a lot of contributing factors.

First, I remind myself that no matter how much I DREAD that thing which I'm trying not to do, the consequences of not doing it are worse. (They are also "real" as opposed to imaginary!)

A simple suggestion that my T made has been a lot of help. I hate returning phone calls but I need to for my business. I said to my T once, "The last thing I want to do at the end of the day is return phone calls!" He said, "Maybe you need to redefine 'the end of the day'." (Oh! Like the day doesn't end until AFTER I return the phone calls?) Simply looking at it like returning phone calls is a thing I need to do BEFORE I can feel like I'm done for the day has helped a lot.

 

[Anarchy]

Now I just push myself and it has made life a lot easier in the long run.

Would you like to elaborate a little more on how you go about doing that.

My own experience is that there is some very strong resistance there, It's not that I have a weak will, I have a much stronger "won't", there is very real and solid block in the way.

 

[scout86]

@Anarchy , something my T has suggested is that you talk to yourself like you would a small child. (Something I wasn't wild about, believe me!) So, "Anarchy, I know you want to play with your friends online, and that's fine. But, you have to clean at least PART of your room first. Which part would you like to start with?"

What I've found for myself is that once I get started on the stuff I'm avoiding, it's usually not hard to finish it. It's starting it that gives me the most trouble,

 

[illusionist]

I understand that it's not a matter of having a weak will. For me it can be a number of reasons fear of rejection, fear of confrontation, fear of appearing weak.....depending on the situation. I ended up homeless and living on the streets because I feared asking for help when I should have, have missed out on jobs because I just couldn't make that phone call.....the palpitations, high stress etc on contemplating lifting that phone and speaking.....an endless list of scenarios . Because of my previous experiences, the fear of the consequences does push me...far from easy to do but know I must. I still fail at times, when I'm on a major low, but overall I do a lot better.

 

[joeylittle]

It helps me to break a task down into the smallest parts I can, and then only make myself responsible for one part per day.

If what I need to do is call the insurance company: the parts are

• Look up the correct number
• Find the statements I'm calling about
• Write down my questions
• Make the call.

So, it will take me four days at the most. If I'm feeling ok about having done one thing, I'll go right ahead to the next.

Any task usually has one "hot spot", an element that is going to seem (or even be) harder than the rest.

But breaking things up this way means that once I've started, I've started - and it's much easier for me to keep going.

It probably seems small, but if you think about the life-type things you need to do - breaking them into bits and chipping away at them will usually mean that they will actually get done.

(Even making the darn list can be a project, for me. Step 1, write out tasks. Step 2, divide up first task. And so on).

 

[jaccat]

My T suggested making lists to break things up. It definitely helps, even if it means that by focusing on just one part of the list I'm only able to get anxious about that bit, rather than the whole thing overwhelming me.