Fear Blocking Responsibilities

[Shadowofdoubt]

@Anarchy , something my T has suggested is that you talk to yourself like you would a small child. (Something I wasn't wild about, believe me!) So, "Anarchy, I know you want to play with your friends online, and that's fine. But, you have to clean at least PART of your room first. Which part would you like to start with?"

What I've found for myself is that once I get started on the stuff I'm avoiding, it's usually not hard to finish it. It's starting it that gives me the most trouble,

Good advice, Scout. I tend to go online and game instead of dealing with stuff. I have been divorced several years and find that if I have no one to hold me accountable I avoid/don't do. I don't think I could ever be self employed as I lack self discipline. I tend to label myself as lazy, but it feels more like I just need guidance. I am not helpless, just lost.

 

[sun seeker]

For me, it falls into two categories. If it's something that can be dealt with quickly, anxiety will drive me to do it right away so it isn't hanging over me. I can't stand having unfinished business, or things that will probably be all right but you just have to wait to make sure. I'll talk to the person, make the phone call, do the errand, or whatever so I can stop worrying about it.

On the other hand, if it's something bigger and likely to involve a lot of frustration, I often give up on it altogether. There are several really big things going on in my life involving home, family, and work that I feel helpless to do anything about, so I use a lot of distraction tactics to avoid thinking about them much.

Does that fit your situation at all?

 

[falling_wave]

What makes it even more difficult is the guilt and shame that go along with this and how it causes increased feelings of self hatred, shame, and isolation.

I think this has a lot to do with it. I put it off due to fear and then I avoid telling anyone I put it off because I know they will not understand my why and I hate myself each day that I am holding it in the back of my mind. Then when it comes crashing down on me there is so much anxiety, desperation, and shame. It's crazy that I do that to myself and I will be bringing it up in therapy. I like the ideas about making lists, breaking things up, changing the way you talk to yourself. Thank you I will give all of these a try.