I think a crappy therapist would say, "this is how it will work" because it's so different for each of us, but a good therapist understands that the transference stuff will likely come up and they won't be insulted or threatened by it. For me it matters that my therapist really does remain roughly the same, even if it feels like things have changed. She remains pretty consistent, which is something she probably knows to do and does pretty well. For me the rewiring isn't like, "Aha! Today I fixed it!!" but more like not quitting when I have that urge. Things have changed in a more subtle way that's hard to pin down to one certain moment or method, and I think that is how it has to be for me...very gradual. "Sticking it out" sounds too vague and simplistic, but for me that is really where it's at. My whole orientation is towards running away or hiding. Staying is much, much different.
I went from really admiring my therapist but feeling disconnected, like she was some sort of workshop presenter or loosely-connected colleague, if that makes sense. Then I went through a period of not trusting her and also being pretty sure she thought I was disgusting. But through those fears I for some reason kept showing up and realized she was still there, not ditching me, didn't really think I was disgusting, etc. And now I feel a little more like I actually "know" her, like sometimes she is not just another fuzzy person beyond my very tough bubble, but like a person I actually have some kind of relationship with. It's very hard to explain. But it's sort of like that. It's making the insurance stuff piss me off very badly. I'll pay on my own if I can if the transition doesn't feel right, but I won't be able to afford much at all. But I want to use what time I have to dissolve some greater part of my bubble so maybe I can connect with other people differently too.
