Why Can't Some Of Us Talk On The Forum?

[Notsowild]

There is another girl who said the same thing in another post. I've been feeling the same way. Not too sure why. I know personally I've been told things like "You're having a pity party"
"Get over it" There are some strong scary personalities on here. I feel there is a special clique here where some of us have a hard time fitting in. I know we are all in different stages of healing. But we are all fighting this monster and I find no empathy or compassion sometimes. And also I feel rejection. Even posting this is scary. But here I go.

 

[Beachlife09]

I honestly feel the same way sometimes. And I can't have people correcting me or being mad at me... it really scares me (for trauma reasons).
I want to make everyone feel welcome and valued. @Notsowild Please don't feel afraid to post, you're always wanted and listened to here :hug:

 

[Cool Cat]

@Notsowild I sometimes feel like that, the other day I was really panicking because I accidently liked my T's facebook page and I was afraid that would totally blow my cover, (by it appearing in the newsfeed/ticker briefly) which would have major major repercussions (if you read any of my posts you'd know I've been seeing a shrink privately for over a year without any of my friends or fam knowing)
I posted it on group chat and it was pretty much completely ignored when I was really in distress about it. But 95% of the time I feel very supported on the forum.

 

[illusionist]

I personally have a hard time fitting in anywhere....not just on here. It's nothing to do with others....it's me who needs to sort out my feelings of being accepted. There are a lot of good folks on here...they all have their own way of dealing with things, and can only pass on what they personally know works for them. It is up to us to accept it or not. Hugs notsowild....
I have empathy and compassion for most of what I read on here, but, I do find giving sympathy a problem as I personally find it brings me down....so I don't want to do that to someone else.... I do feel it though.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm well along in my healing and have been so for the entire time of my being here on these forums, but I sure would not like it if some of those comments were made to me, so I feel for you. So sorry this has happened to you here. All I can say is that I hope you will feel better now that you have shared this with others here. I pray you have a better time in the future here. Keep on keepin' on!

 

[moonbeam]

I think the forum has a lot of nice people who have all suffered from Trauma and deal with the same ugly PTSD monster. Some people will coddle you, others are more brutally honest. It takes all types. Sometimes we want a specific type of support (just being listened to and acknowledged) and sometimes another (active advice).

I have found that before I post I try to identify what kind of support I want and ask for it. And it gets me better results.

The biggest thing though is that while we all suffer we don't have exactly the same symptoms. While I can see why it may have paniced CoolCat to like something on FB, my initial thought on reading it is I doubt your friends/family will notice or read that much into it. I can acknowledge her feelings but I can't really relate to the issue. When this comes up on the forum than I don't respond and let others message who might better understand. Except in chat which had I been there I would have acknowledged.

The other thing I notice is that because we all have dealt with different traumas, we all respond differently. Some people do like to wallow in misery (I've done it) and some prefer to try to "tough it out" and when one gives advice to the other it doesn't always work out well. I usually like being told when I'm having a pity party because I feel my best chance for healing is to pull myself out of that and push through and sometimes I need someone to tell me to suck it up. And other times I need to tell me its okay.

Its important to try to remember that maybe this other person is trying to motivate you a different way. If I lay there thinking I can't do anything and then people say "oh don't push yourself" they are trying to help but I likely won't push myself. I complained to a friend once I was a burden on everyone I know (which is a feeling I get a lot) and he decided to try something different and say "yeah you are." He was trying to anger me and motivate me to argue in favour of myself. It failed that time but has worked other times.

I guess my point is that its a nice place. But it helps to ask for what you need, and if you get something try not to assume the other person is being malicious and that maybe they don't understand how big the issue is or are trying to help in a different way.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I've noticed it too and other things like conflicts and so on coupled with my own problems has meant I've needed to take a step back from here, or at least be very selective in what I read/reply to.

 

[sun seeker]

Sometimes I feel that way too, @Notsowild, and there are things I don't post because I don't want to hear the answers I might get. It's fine to be selective just like in any social situation. But as @moonbeam says, it helps to realize that there are all kinds of people and most of them are probably trying to be helpful, even if their style isn't what I need. I've gotten better at extracting the helpful intent from the packaging. Some of us are more sensitive than others and while we're agonizing over why someone said something a certain way, they have likely gone merrily on their way unaware that there was ever a problem. I am gradually getting better at noticing what is really a slight and what is projection, but yes it's a process.

My advice is, remember the ignore function!

 

[Over the rainbow]

Maybe pity is what we need sometimes from people who understand this horrible affliction.
By definition this is a very distressing life changing event we're going through. The ones on here who have no empathy are either not suffering PTSD, or perhaps they are in denial and hearing how your feeling is making them think about their own fears and traumas.
This causes anger that I have never known until now. Perhaps they are just releasing it (it doesn't make it right)
None of us fit in if we are truely sick. I know I don't like having people around me for the most part because of their lack of understanding, and empathy/ sympathy.
My advice is to take the good, and ignore the bad whenever you can.
I'd love to fight the world and be the super hero, but the truth is - some people just don't want help, and some people are just self centered and mean in order to be self gratifying.
Keep your head up. :)

 

[sun seeker]

The ones on here who have no empathy are either not suffering PTSD, or perhaps they are in denial and hearing how your feeling is making them think about their own fears and traumas.

I'd be more inclined to guess the latter. And again, it's important to realize it's about them, not you. At the same time, some people are just more sensitive than others, PTSD or not.

I am on the sensitive end of the spectrum. Sounds like you and @Notsowild are too. My mother likes to tell the story of how upset I would get in school at the age of 4 when they would keep the kids who couldn't get their work done in at recess, and how I knew even then that those kids had trouble sitting still and needed to run around outside more than the rest of us who were getting our work done on time. Throughout school I used to literally feel what was happening to the other kids. Others would be completely oblivious.

Sensitivity is a personality trait and won't change, nor should we try to change it lest we lose who we are. The inability to handle criticism is an overlay due to being put down too much in childhood, and that part of it we can work on. It's about becoming more aware of boundaries, what is yours and what is someone else's. Easy to say, but it takes time and work.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm glad you posted about this @Notsowild.

I have seen people post in their threads something like "no critical feedback please." I've done that myself. That does seem to keep some of the stronger feedback away. Sometimes I need that space. Other times, I really appreciate the more blunt and strong feedback.

I tend to be an awkward duck everywhere I go so I guess I've long given up on ever really "fitting in" - including here. Even though I post, I still feel on the outside a lot. I also seem to chronically always be in some stage of either inserting my foot into my mouth, or taking it out. After decades of being extremely silent, to everyone everywhere, it has started to feel good to share somewhere... But then I worry I'm annoying everyone to no end. :(

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't really come here asking for support. I give support here. Once in a while I feel mostly brave enough to post about things that are neutral or positive for me. Mostly... I keep my story off of this site because I don't like feeling judged. I feel good about having a place where I can give other people support even though I don't know how to ask for it nor accept it for myself very well.

But I don't think that is the fault of the site. I... don't really like hearing other peoples opinions a lot of the time. :)