How Do You Find Your Happiness

[Ghostybear73]

I have started out with a pretty rough year. I have been in a cast after a surgery I had to have from tearing a ligament in my thumb. I convinced the doctor to take off the cast 2 days earlier because I have had a 7 day Mexican Riveria cruise scheduled for Valentines day. One week before, I had a total nervous breakdown and had to be taken off work. I thought for sure I was going to have to cancel the cruise and I had to withdrawal from doctorate school. I insisted to the psychiatrist that it was one of the newer meds and he agreed to take me off it (even though I was sleeping well for a change), with the agreement that if I'm not better, I get admitted. Over the weekend there was good improvement and we decided it was the meds, even though he had never seen the medication cause the problem I had. I have major residual problems that I'm fighting that I hope go away soon, like the inability to be left alone.

So, I went on the cruise and truth be told, I did not enjoy myself. On the other hand, my daughter had a blast, which made it worth it. Every time she left the cabin to go do something with a friend she met or go to the camp daycare area, I nearly had a meltdown. I would sit and work since I'm an online teacher and try to keep myself as busy as possible. If I left the cabin there were too many people around, which is a normal problem of mine.

When we left the port to go swimming with the dolphins or horseback riding, I did better, but still couldn't find joy and happiness (other than watching my daughter, which may be my only happiness).

So my question is this; Is therapy really worth it at this point? Only I can find happiness in what I do and it seems to be lost and has been for a very long time. Can a therapist help me find happiness? It just seems like a waste a money and time and since my breakdown, I feel as though I have taken 10 steps backs.

 

[ekane]

The right* therapist will absolutely be able to help, also it will take time and rest, rest, rest. There may be bumps but it will get better!

 

[sun seeker]

When we left the port to go swimming with the dolphins or horseback riding, I did better, but still couldn't find joy and happiness (other than watching my daughter, which may be my only happiness).

I haven't felt joy in about ten years. I don't know the answer, I'm still waiting.

 

[scout86]

How's your hand doing?

So my question is this; Is therapy really worth it at this point? Only I can find happiness in what I do and it seems to be lost and has been for a very long time. Can a therapist help me find happiness? It just seems like a waste a money and time and since my breakdown, I feel as though I have taken 10 steps backs.

I can relate to that. My T actually says he thinks "happiness" might be over rated. He says it isn't even in his top 3. (And then I asked what WAS in his top 3? Which totally stopped him. He says no one else has ever asked that. LOL)

Anyway, you're probably still recovering everything, don't you think? Would you LOOK for happiness on your own? I guess, for me anyway, one of the major benefits to therapy is it gives me a reason to work on stuff that I know perfectly well I'd ignore or avoid, left to myself.

Glad you're back, BTW, I've missed you around here.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I guess I'm being selfish @scout86 I want it to just be there. I have a good life and I want to enjoy it, but I can't seem to no matter how hard I try. I just go through the motions, like right now I just got done scrapbooking with my daughter and it's almost like I felt forced to do it. I want to feel the joy that others feel when they do stuff that is supposed to be fun.

And by the way to anyone who thinks money can buy happiness, that's just not true.....at least in my case. :(

 

[Ghostybear73]

And my hand is getting better everyday....I can actually type. :)

Thank you

 

[Ghostybear73]

@sun seeker if you find it before I do, point me in the right direction. :). I will do the same for you!!!

 

[scout86]

I want to feel the joy that others feel when they do stuff that is supposed to be fun.

I don't think that's selfish AT ALL.

I'm not real sure what other people feel. I'll bet a lot of them take "happiness" for granted. To be honest, this is a subject I guess I have trouble with too. Every once in awhile, my T will ask, apparently out of nowhere, if I'm "happy". I have yet to come up with a good answer for him. And, I hate it when he asks, because I think I SHOULD be able to answer it, it seems like a simple question, but I don't really have an answer. I'm not UNHAPPY........

Any idea what makes this complicated?

 

[Ghostybear73]

@scout86 interesting insight, I never thought about it that way. Am I unhappy? That's something to think about. I imagine the PTSD causes everything to be a little more complicated (not that I'm making excuses). :)

And thank you, it is good to be back. :)

 

[Recovery4Me]

Ghosty :hug:.

Can a therapist help me find happiness?

Therapy (for me) was important to make sure that I was NOT standing in my own way of happiness and to learn what having fun was for me. Now it is up to me afterwards to find my happiness.

Good luck in your search. :tup:

 

[Ghostybear73]

@Recovery4Me that makes a lot of sense, I guess I do need that guide to keep me from getting in my own way and tripping myself up.......seems so difficult for what seems like an easy thing; joy and happiness, doesn't it?

Thank you
Ghosty

 

[ekane]

I asked myself this for years and finally found joy last year. But this is what it took (miracles):

- most of my family has been unsafe all my life. But last year my dad and my aunt saw the emergency/suicidal state I was in and finally took the time to really listen to me and began being more supportive in a real way. Dad apologized for being a failure as a father and helped pay for months with a therapist and a sexual abuse support group. Aunt took me in her house, a very very quiet place where I am not judged for having problems and triggers.

-the therapist is so good, she makes good therapists look like clueless children. She reminded me who I really am. Going back to my truth (playfulness, art, beauty) saved my life, released heaps of repressed emotion, and heals my problems one by one (slowly) and brings me actual joy. A touch of emdr and lots of art therapy.

Even im still amazed about that. I remember being in a park last summer and feeling absolutely elated for no reason and I it was so foreign a feeling, I looked around to "see if anyone saw me" ... Like it was a crime or something! Once I felt it I held it in my memory tight, as the new bar to try to reach for again.

Months passed and then I felt it again even deeper on my birthday when my friend drove me to the beach. It was the happiest day of my life. I cried three times. I felt so much love and acceptance. She understands me and gave me exactly what matters most to me- quality time with her, the ocean, hotels, a road trip, and amazing sunny weather. Did I mention good food? Also helps. And eating food with people who really love and accept you? I would literally suggest that as a PTSD recovery strategy. I now have dozens of joyous memories with my aunt because of this.

-insane amounts of sleep and silence and sunshine and research

- meditating so much, almost majority of the time on some days.

- one friend who stayed true to me at my lowest point. Yes the beach birthday friend. Sees my truth. Lifts me up. And we fill in each others gaps. For example I want to stay at home like a hermit. But she is social and makes me feel safe enough to be out at a busy mall or walk at the lake. I dumped my other friends, they didn't stand by me when times got hard. Numerous symptoms cleared becuase I had a REAL friend. A friend who loves me like family should have done before.

- indescribable bravery, ever-exponentially increasing honesty/accuracy/self awareness, and the deepest vulnerability i.e. tell people your shame, your fears, everything you think could destroy you and your future and how people see you. Sharing your shame destroys it. (I think this is the essence of what most of us on the forum do over time, with help of books and therapy.

- last but not least is YouTube. I would also be so bold as to say YouTube should be listed everywhere as an optional tool for recovery. You can watch documentaries, stand up comedy, endless cute baby animals, meditations of all kinds, workouts, motivational talks, science lectures, Dr phil episodes, and all the great hits you forgot from the 80's etc. I believe that over time, video material helps ease PTSD brains into getting outside of the trapped and lonely feeling (unless you are watching too much violence). I use YouTube daily and have been doing so for 8 years. I can say that watching the rare films which show realistic love stories helped me develop a level of deep intimacy I never had before, and that also leads to joy. I have good and bad days but YouTube is awesome on all of them.