Death Death Of A Stranger

[LeMoineau]

A few months ago I was witness to a deadly car accident.
There was a single driver involved, no passengers and I was witness to the body after the accident and as they were taking it away in a black bag.
I didn't know the person, never met them in my life and couldn't tell you much about them other than they had caramel skin.
Although I didn't know this person, or anything remotely about them, I still feel a very deep sense of loss. I worry about the family of this individual who was killed in the accident and I think of them often.
I know a lot of my worrying is because I was witness to the accident, but I just find it odd, and a bit uncomfortable to feel such deep sadness, causing intense feelings of depression for a stranger.

I've always been a very compassionate person, I like to help others, I CARE about others. But even when I found out my birth mother had committed suicide I didn't feel as much despair as I do for this stranger and their family. I want to move on, to not remember, but at the same time I feel like it would be disrespectful to forget...

 

[shandemonium]

Although I didn't know this person, or anything remotely about them, I still feel a very deep sense of loss. I worry about the family of this individual who was killed in the accident and I think of them often.

I can REALLY relate to you. I live in a violent city and have for 9 years straight. I moved all around as a kid but also lived in this type of place growing up.

I have seen such horrors too. About 3 weeks ago I saw two murdered people on the ground, a man and a woman. They were covered with yellow plastic sheets and all the roads were blocked off for the crime scene. I watched the coroner's van pull up and start bagging them.

I have seen so many people get bagged here, followed by candles and bottle monuments. I have been driving home and passed another crime scene where I saw a woman whaling and sobbing in the street. Another bag on the ground. That one affected me for a long time. Seeing her suffer so much, so devastated.

I am sorry to unload all this on you. It wasn't always murders. I saw people die of overdose or one time there was this guy sprawled out on the sidewalk in san francisco and I thought the guy was drunk and passed out. I walked right over him into work (I used to work with the homeless at an agency) then later in the day saw him getting bagged up. I felt like a horrible person :( Like, who have I become that I walked right over a dead man and didn't even notice?!

I really understand how this can seem to effect you even more than your own traumas. I think it's because we don't offer ourselves the same compassion we offer others, and then when we see something terrible happen to a stranger all those suppressed feelings come up. By 'suppressed feelings,' I mean all the grieving and compassion that we never afforded ourselves. It comes out like a waterfall for a person we have no real attachment to, but it's really about us.

By the way, I have an exit plan from the Bay Area! I am moving hopefully this summer to a more peaceful and affordable place so i can recover. I am praying to the universe or god (or anyone) that I don't see any more bodies getting bagged up before I get the hell out of here!

 

[darrenS]

I am sorry to unload all this on you. It wasn't always murders.

are you seriously trying to help this person because it seems to me you apologize for unloading on her and then continue on, she is asking for advice and possibly support and im sorry for being so blunt , but id feel 10 times worse after being confronted with this. This is simply piggy backing of her question to offload your own baggage

 

[darrenS]

its obvious your a compassionate person and maybe the lack of despair you felt for your birth mother is coming out another way, who really knows. But its not disrespectful to forget , its sad to witness the death of a stranger but at the same time it may be a pointer to some things that arent resolved elsewhere. They are valid questions you ask , what i would do is read some of Elizabeth Kubler Ross - on death and dying or visit a grief counselor and present those questions there

 

[shandemonium]

this is a support forum and sharing our own experiences is pretty normal from my experience.

And i thought I did offer advice and supprt at the end. Wtf is your problem?!

attacking me for relating to the OP and sharing my own experiences. Thanks for the "support"

 

[darrenS]

whatever ...i was blunt but i dont think it was an attack

 

[Friday]

Strangers are all hope and promise... We can feel for them whatever we want to feel for them, because they aren't really real to us. They become real in our minds, but they take the shape our minds direct. So they take the shape we need at the time. At least in my experience.

With people we know: love, hate, indifferent... Feelings are far less manageable.

Also... Sometimes, feelings come out sideways. Won't shed a tear for a person, barriers are up and strong. But a pet? Or a toy? Out pours all the grief and anger and everything else that was kept behind the damn. Hell, I've lost it over a hair tie, once.

 

[darrenS]

i have no need to read it again and will not engage in abuse, i stated my case clearly and with no offensive language, and frankly your last comment is like water off a ducks back. We all share our experiences , of course we do , its a support forum , im sorry if i offended you but i found about 3 lines of positive advise in your post and the rest was dark and undid any good work you was doing, thats all i have to say and you can cuss any way you like, it does not affect or worry me