Long Term Therapy A Waste?

[PTSD NON VETERAN mom]

Posted this in another forum about avoidance. It was suggested to put my reply here. My reply to Avoidance thread for more background.


"I isolate and disassociate every day, I make quick trips to the local grocery store and pharmacy. I continue to see my therapist weekly and psychiatrist every 6 weeks. Severe anxiety, stress, guilt and depression fills my days and nightmares and insomnia still fill my nights. I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my son's death and it still feels unreal when my therapist makes a point of it because it seems like a month ago.
I've been set back by two more very tragic events recently with my surviving son and can't believe how all this can be real for my only two kids. My mother called and asked me how I can stand doing nothing day after day I do not know how to explain all this to her. Little does she know my inner battles to get through the day everyday. My therapist accused me this week that I'm on a pity party and I need to get my life back on track. I didn't agree with that description but I know she is trying to snap me out of this isolation. My husband was livid when I told him what she said because he knew the old me and misses her desperately but has been my rock and I work hard to not push him away. I take a handful of pills every night for insomnia, depression, PTSD, and anti psychotic s to help with the flashback nightmares. During the day I take pills for anxiety and the flashbacks. I know the prescriptions have really helped with the psychotic episodes (flashbacks) and insomnia and sleep walking. Sorry getting off subject. But I never feel isolated, I know I have let alot of people down which I feel bad about but when I get through this chapter of my life I will make it up to them. Life is exhausting..."


I talked to my therapist (yes she is a trauma therapist) and told her about my husband's anger about her pity party comment She says she never even came close to wording it that way and my mind just grasped on to a couple words and ran with it. Ugh! When I see her next week I have to tell her another dramatic event that happened to me this week with me having to put down my loving loyal 15 year old dog. I feel like she might just roll her eyes and say "God what next!" I'm finding that I am hiding flashbacks, dissociation and other symptoms from her so she feels like I'm progressing. Is this common for suffers to do this in long time therapy?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think you need to address the issue of why you must please your therapist.

No, long term therapy is not a waste IF you are working hard and actually progressing, not faking progression as you are doing.

 

[SeaQuel]

@PTSD NON VETERAN mom I'm glad you were able to start a new thread! Just one more suggestion if I may: in order to give forum members better context about your situation, you may want to edit your post or reply to it by including the background that you had in the "avoidance" thread." Not everyone here reads all of the forums/threads.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have found therapy to be very helpful, but it is important to be on the same page with your therapist and not hide things from them. If you feel you are not progressing in therapy, tell them! Don't fake it, as that is only going to hurt you in the long run. How can they help you if you are not up front with them?

If you are uncomfortable with this therapist, maybe you should find a new one.

 

[seedling]

You can still be progressing in therapy while going through ups and downs in functioning based on life events.
Have you been in therapy for one year?

I thought by "long term therapy" you meant many years. I've been in therapy for 5 years in April and am still progressing, and have found new options for treatment that help me function, cope and feel better on most days. I think it's still worth it. I'd love to be done!

Sorry about your dog. Our dog is 14 and I know the end is coming sooner rather than later.

Hang in there.

 

[darrenS]

i too lost a son many years ago, and from this i can tell you, firstly you say its the one year anniversary of your sons death, 1 year is nothing when it comes to the death of a child , and im shocked that your therapist is so insensitive and seems not to pay credence to the fact your still grieving, add to this the fact that you have to hide the fact that you have flashbacks etc says clearly that you dont trust her.

The fact that you feel you may be put down by her reactions is very concerning, it may be just how you feel , but even feeling this points to a bigger problem. I actually look forward to seeing my therapist, she is as tough as nails , i cant slip anything by her, but at the same time she is supportive and never makes me feel like im less than.

Your relationship with your therapist is critical , i would actually write down the points you make and discuss them with her, i would not change therapist at this point but rather try and address the issue , after making an attempt , if at that time you dont feel you have resolved it or made any ground, only then would i consider a change.

Long term therapy is not a waste unless it is with the wrong therapist, and my experience has also taught me that there are many trauma focused therapists now , but like anything there are good and bad and just because they deal with trauma , does not mean they can deal with anyones trauma. You have to foster a connection just like you would in friendship, if a connection cannot be made, keep searching until you find one you can connect with. Good luck and i truly wish you the best

 

[Suzetig]

I feel like she might just roll her eyes and say "God what next!" I'm finding that I am hiding flashbacks, dissociation and other symptoms from her so she feels like I'm progressing. Is this common for suffers to do this in long time therapy?

She really needs to know that this is how you think she feels about you - she should be able to work with this and help you makesense of it, and reassure you that it's not the case. She also needs to know about the flashbacks and dissociation because it tells her whether you're working too hard, too fast, need to work on grounding or coping skills etc. simply put, she needs to know what she's working with and how you're doing.

I say that knowing its not easy to share some of these things, but if you don't tell her, she won't know and your therapy not be as effective. As @Solara said, long term therapy works if you are honestly working hard, if not there's a danger you could slip into an overly dependent never ending relationship that is neither therapeutic or productive. She's your therapist, it's the one place you shoud feel safe to be open and vulnerable, if that's not the case you need a straight conversation with your therapist, a new therapist or both.

 

[Deleted member 28986]

There is no need to hide any of your symptoms. Flashbacks are not psychotic episodes and there is no reason to be ashamed of them. You are a human being who went through some terrible stuff, and it's only human to be having issues (PTSD) now.

The only way you have a chance at getting better is if you are honest with your therapist and you work hard. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and money.

It's hard to expose yourself and be honest, I know! At times I'm not even honest with myself. You have fear instilled in your mind and body that screams at you not to share your symptoms, not to share your darkest secrets. Your body thinks that you will be harmed if you are honest. But that's not the case with therapists. Your therapist is a safe person with whom you can share anything without being judged.

"But my therapist DOES judge me," you say. "If I tell her this one secret, she won't see me any more." Those thoughts are symptoms: avoidance. That's all they are. Just symptoms.

Good for you for telling your therapist that the "pity party" comment upset you! Frankly, it would upset me too, at least a little bit. I'm sorry you weren't happy with her response. Please consider, just for a moment, that maybe she really didn't mean it personally. PTSD has a way of making us think everyone is out to hurt us.

Sometimes it's harder for me to speak words than write them. May I make a suggestion? Write a note to your therapist and give it to her at the beginning of your next appointment. If you can't think of what to write, either copy and paste your entire post, or try something short and sweet like this: "When you said I was having a pity party, I felt like you were attacking me. I don't want to be attacked, so I'm fearful of telling you more about my life. I've been hiding symptoms from you so you will be pleased with me. I want to talk honestly about my issues, but I'm super-sensitive to people's reactions. Do you think, if I share some things with you today, you could try to react very calmly and pleasantly?"

I relate a bit to your situation because I, too, am hypersensitive to others' words and emotions. My therapist does a good job at staying calm, but every now and then, I perceive judgement from him . . . and it hurts. But then I tell him about it, he explains that he didn't mean to judge me or hurt my feelings, and I accept that he is telling the truth.

Please try to stick with it. I'm concerned that, even if you went through the trouble of finding a new therapist, you might have this problem with the new one, too. Please keep us posted, and most importantly, don't give up! :hug:

 

[Justmehere]

Deciding if long term therapy is a "waste" or not for you is different than making a general decision if it is right for everyone.

By not being more honest and direct with your therapist as to how bad your symptoms are, it seems like you are making the subtle decision every week that it is a waste for you to risk in therapy and pour more into it to get as much as possible from it.

I challenge you to reconsider. There is something to be said for the idea that we get out of therapy what we are willing to risk putting into it.

I also challenge you to think about if therapy brings benefit into your life and makes your life better than you would be without it, over these past 6 years, and then balance that with the cost, risk, and investment you put into it.

If your therapist was not telling you to stop giving you a pity party (and it sounds like she is not) then that opinion may have come from you - about yourself - and you projected it into her.

It might be time to look at why you have that opinion, and what you might gain from having that opinion of yourself: for some, minimization is a reason to hold back, to not go through the pain of risk. It's understandable to not want to risk, but it might be time to begin to challenge yourself on it.

I hope you can begin to give yourself permission to struggle (and not seek permission so much from others) and to have that struggle be real, not a pity party, and to be honest about it in therapy, in order to not "waste" the time spent in it. Because you and your recovery are worth what it takes to heal.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I agree, flashbacks are not psychotic episodes. If psychosis is a "10" then flashbacks are more like a "2".....world's apart imho. Psychotic episodes are a hell unto themselves.

 

[SeaQuel]

I may have missed it, but how long have you been in therapy and how long have you been seeing this therapist?

 

[Suzetig]

It's hard to expose yourself and be honest, I know! At times I'm not even honest with myself. You have fear instilled in your mind and body that screams at you not to share your symptoms, not to share your darkest secrets. Your body thinks that you will be harmed if you are honest. But that's not the case with therapists. Your therapist is a safe person with whom you can share anything without being judged.

Thanks for this, I needed to "hear" that ahead of next weeks session. Even those of us who do believe in long term therapy, and who do have very good relationships with our therapist need to remember this from time to time.