Relationship I Sent Him A Goodbye Email...then He Does Something So Unexpected...

[Sabrina0712]

Monday March 24th...he called me after not talking to me over a week. He called to ask me for money...here I am trying my best to support myself n my kids. Our one hour convo was pleasant in the begining all cause he doesn't really talk to anyone...I just listened to him talk cause I was soooooo happy to hear from him. He talked about his cat, his dad. Here is someone I spoke to everyday n now that he is actually here n not so far away I hardly hear from him. I was so excited to hear from him...all I could do was hear him talk. I listened to him as he told me what he has been doing, what he is up to...than all of sudden the convo turns to money. He asked me if I would help him...I told him again take me for me...there is no money involved. He hung up n said I will call back in a week see if you changed your mind.

I was hurt and angry...so Tue March 25th...I sent him a goodbye email. I told him I deserve better treatment than this...I don't need this from him or anyone else. I am already going thru allot in my life...dealing w/him asking me for money over n over again is just not right. I told him I am done...wishing him the best of luck w/his future. He replied back saying THAN MOVE ON! I told him I am hurt why he keeps asking me for money...he replied back YOU ARE STILL TALKING? I said ok n left it at that.

Didn't text him all day just was so hurt that to him I meant nothing...but I know what I did was right. I don't deserve the way he treated me.

Wed March 26th...I haven't tried to reach him all day...went to work than workout, came back n had dinner after that was sitting in my garage looking thru my mail n was about to leave for the grocery store...when I heard a familiar voice calling out for my dog. OMG He was outside my house walking across the street...with no text no phone call nothing...he just showed up at my house! I freaked out cause I have not introduced my kids to him yet...I was SOOOOO HAPPY! I honestly was so happy he was here even though he showed up without telling me. I heard his voice...I saw his jacket but than he disappeared! I thought for a split sec maybe it was my mind that was playing tricks on me...that I wanted to see him so bad that it was just playing tricks on me :(

I had to go to the grocery store...n he followed me there! I was at one of the isle n he just walks up to me. OMG what a wonderful surprise! OMG I literary leaped into his arms...I was so happy to see him. He looked skinny but god he looked so good to me. He had the biggest smile, I was so happy to see him. I told him I had to take grocery home n take my oldest son to the movies w/this friends. I told him let's meet up for ice cream...he told me to bring my daughter but I told him she had homework n so she can't really come out. When I met him for ice cream...I asked if he had dinner n he said no...I told him let's get you something to eat so I took him to Applebees. I ate dinner already but I ordered something so he can take it home n eat it at home. We talked...he didn't bring up anything what I said...n honestly I didn't want to fight so I didn't bring up anythiny either cause I was so so so happy to see his beautiful face. After dinner we went n had yogurt ice cream...than we sat in his car in the parking lot of the the theater (waiting for my oldest to be done w/his movie w/his friends so I can take him home) n just talked n made plans to see each other the next day to see the movie Gunman. It was such a wonderful, wonderful surprise...I mean I gave up on him.

Thur March 27th...he came to my work n we went to see the movie...I brought him lunch cause again I wasn't sure if he ate before he left home n he kept asking me was it for me or him...I told him it was for him. After the movie I could tell he was getting in a sour mood but I tried to make him happy by asking him if he wanted to go to the zoo w/me n my daughter on Sat...I was taking her n he wants to meet her so bad. He said depends on his mood. I had to leave right after the movie cause I had to pick my kids up n I was a teaching a dance class that evening...his mood turned bad. He started telling me not to contact him anymore, that he can find someone better than me who had no kids n would treat him better. I don't know what triggered him...was it the movie? Was it cause I had to leave to tend to my kids?

Nonetheless...he never showed up for the zoo...I never told my daughter we were going to to meet someone at the zoo cause I really didn't think he was going to come...but he sent me one last text on Sat March 28th that I prolly gave the wrong imprression of him to my daughter n that he was done n F*** O**!

That is the last I heard from him...I have tried contacting him on Mon but he never returned my text n I haven't heard from him since than.

I don't know when the end is really the end...will he ever come back again? I don't know. I am hurt n I miss him n I just want to know if he is ok.

I miss him God I miss him....

I am trying my best to keep myself busy...w/a full time job, kids. Doing my best but I want to ask the same ole ques over n over again...is this normal? When he is around me it feels like he can't ever leave me but when we are not together...he just ignores me like I am nothing!

When do I give up hope..now it has been 9 days no contact :(

 

[Teasel]

Hi Sabrina,

I do feel for you, I had a "relationship" with a similar "quality" in my late 20's. I adored him. The feeling wasn't mutual - I don't know, maybe when you are crazy about someone it gets massively in the way of seeing the nonsense you are up to. I missed him for a very long time. A year maybe, hurt such a lot. When I look back now I think what a selfish and shallow twat he was.

I think it's the end. I am so sorry, heartache does hurt doesn't it. x

 

[Sabrina0712]

Thank you @Berlinda...it hurts so much :( I am trying to lead a normal life but its so lonely cause I don't know if its really over. I mean we had a great time when we are together but as soon as I have to leave...he turns sour n just disappears. I know I have to give up any hope for any sort of normality or him but its hard n heartbreaking. I wish he knew how much I care for him...

 

[Teasel]

I know luv, I was the same, honestly it felt like I was absolutely addicted to him., very difficult time, I don't miss it at all - hope yopu can find something to get your teeth into x

 

[Sabrina0712]

Thank you so much @Berlinda It's very very very hard but I am trying my very best to be strong but today is my weak point that is why I am here...he has disappeared before n reappeared many times. I reading n rereading all the post on here to keep me strong but its so hard. I just want to hear if he is ok. If he is thinking about me :(

 

[moonbeam]

Wait, so you told him that you only wanted him to want you for you and not for money (very true and a good desire). Then said goodbye and that you deserve better (also true and a good thing). Then he shows up out of the blue unannounced and you take him out to places and buy him food and movies and stuff? Then he gets upset?

That doesn't sound like PTSD. That sounds like a manipulative jerk.

I would be happy you haven't introduced him to your daughter. He doesn't sound like a good influence to be around for your children or yourself.

You've given him your time and attention, bought him food and tried to look after him. Then he complained he deserves better? He's clearly trying to manipulate you into giving him money or something. And frankly if you did he would probably still be as not around and difficult.

I know its way easier said than done but you need to set yourself a healthy boundary and stop talking to him. He isn't respecting you or your feelings. The relationship should be over. He isn't treating you or your family with respect. He doesn't give much indication that he cares about your feelings.

I've been there. Where I cared more about someone than they cared about me. And got my heart broken over it. Now years later I'm glad to not be with him because I have someone so much better and I can't imagine why I ever put myself through so much turmoil for such a twat.

 

[rightkindofme]

It sounds like you are giving mixed messages. You won't give him $ then you buy him a bunch of food. I wouldn't be able to be consistent with that either.

If you are done... Be done. Next time he shows up (following you around town?! Creepy!) tell him to leave you alone instead of rewarding him.

I'm sorry this hurts.

 

[shimmerz]

He started telling me not to contact him anymore, that he can find someone better than me who had no kids n would treat him better.

Stops.here. I have to ask you sabrina, what are you thinking?

I am not certain if this guy is a sufferer of PTSD but if he is, he gives us all a bad name. Have you looked on the board here at the male sufferers? They are decent, kind, caring men who give of themselves, greatly -- this guy is not one of those.

 

[Sabrina0712]

So true @moonbeam...I don't know but maybe its my self esteem that is very low at this point that I feel like I am chasing him. I know in my heart that he is not being a good person to me n I do deserve better. The more I care for him the more he pushes me away n he makes me feel like I owe him. To be honest I bought him dinner at Applebees (all cause I felt bad he drove all the way which is 45 mins from where he lived to my house), he bought the ice cream yogurt (I didn't want any), n tics to the movies the next day...so for that it was 50/50.
I am just hurt when he saw that I dropped everything to spend time w/him n even took off work early to go see this movie w/him but I had to go back right after to be home when my kids got home n I had a class that evening.
When I tried to end it...he showed up at my house...I never once contacted him since last Mon n he hasn't either cause he thinks I bad mouth him to my daughter when she doesn't have a clue n I have no idea how to intro her to someone like him.
You are right he is manipulate me...when I left the theater...he made me feel worthless n was so unappreciative for all I did. When I got him the food...all he could do was complain there was onions in the Philly Cheesesteak n he hates onions...no thank you nothing. And the whole time in the movie theater I sat there scratching his back cause he loved his back scratched n he just degraded me right after by saying I wasn't worth it. I am hurt n angry....IF I AM NOT WORTH IT WHY DOES HE COME AROUND??? WHY DOES HE KEEP COMING AROUND??? Again...I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy :(

 

[Sabrina0712]

He is a PTSD Sufferer on 100% disability...I don't know much about PTSD before him...but have been reading on this forum to get to know him.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

He keeps coming around because he knows he can use you.

 

[Sabrina0712]

Yupe...you are right @Solara. I need to cut the ties. I need to forget someone like him even exist.