Fear And Separation Anxiety

[SeanCharles]

Hello everyone!

I am hoping this post doesn't get moved because it's inter-related to Anxiety and Separation Anxiety.

As you all know, I finally took matters into my own hands and got myself a new dog. A week ago today I seem to need a challenge right from the start. Knowing a bit of this dog's history from her rescuer (Winnie was rescued from a bad situation) and was being offered to a good home! (Okay, so I haven't been proving to be providing a good home yet!)

I am afraid I'm failing myself and in many ways the dog known as Winnie. Not only do I have anxiety she can sense, she's fearing me because of her past. My own emotions are clashing with hers! :( I know that the two of us need to bond in order to begin a new life journey together! Why I've failed her and in many ways myself is I guess because I looked back upon what I had, not what I have now!

I do hope I am making sense here and maybe this is meant to be a diary entry not a general post, but I do feel two kinds of anxiety and panic. The panic is the worrying when I am at work as to will Winnie be roaming when I get here, or will she have been caught. Unfortunately she wasn't fixed. Thankfully I didn't have this extra issue with Ms Sheba because she was fixed by owner #2 before Sheba was returned to the shelter.

I got Winnie Hoping that I could show her love. I think right now until I can get my emotions in check, she's going to fear me! Hopefully I can get them in check soon and we can move forward and human and canine.

I am gonna end this for now...

---SeanGeo

 

[J.Nem]

You are not a failure at anything. You gave a precious life a home and love, that is just amazing. Every day I leave the house, I worry myself sick about my animals. They mean so much to me. I often worry my rough days leech over to them as they are so sensitive. But don't worry, I bet Winnie doesn't fear you, she is just as concerned for you being ok as you are for her. She knows you love her because you took her to your heart and home and she is thinking when are you coming home as much as you are thinking is she safe at home. Try to look at it like the end of the day is coming and just acknowledge you can't wait to get home to her, then when you do the joy will be so good. But you know what? Try not to let all that worry spoil the little time you have, 20 years just goes by in a flash. Keep her safe, secure, well fed and watered. Look after her medical needs, get her chipped and just plain do your best. She will do the same for you. Love just can't be measured in an animals love for us. I would not swap a rough, whiskered kiss from my little cat for all the kisses from all the supermodels in this world. I was a tough, tough guy and yet the softest of little furry guys got my heart. I just couldn't be without them.

 

[SeanCharles]

Update: After writing this post on Tuesday, and the way my work day went Wednesday, I came home determined to reclaim the loose dog known as Winnie while restoring peace back to the dramatic neighborhood.

Wednesday, I walked over to the neighbor's house behind me who I had not talked to in roughly 3-4 years! At first he thought I was wanting to walk through his property. I quickly reminded him as to who I was and first got on the subject of Sheba and then we got to the question of the mysterious roaming black dog that had been possibly invading his property.

Upon finding out that he had not only indeed seen, fed and even petted the black dog, She had been sleeping in a couple of spots on his property! Realizing that she would approach him, I asked him if would please see if he could leash her, while we were talking she did appear. I hid out of her sight so that she would not know the plan. Upon being handed to me on the leash, she became skittish and he was nervous that I was going to be bitten or nipped. Much to his surprise, I began petting her and praising her not that I was merely allowing her freedom, I wanted to her to know that she wasn't going to be punished, especially when what she was doing was really my
fault and not hers.

As of now, Winnie is safely home!

---SeanGeo

 

[digger]

Yay! :tup: well done :)

 

[SeanCharles]

Sheesh! I post an update and lose her accidently (her doing!) this time. She slipped away with leash attached which slipped from my grip when I was untangling her!

---SeanGeo

 

[SeanCharles]

Winnie is home! I found her outside and she's back in my care again! I know who likely brought her back to me since they know who's dog Winnie is. I am so glad that I will be getting her fixed, but I do need to work on dealing this problem.

 

[digger]

I'm glad she's back again but yes,

I do need to work on dealing this problem.

As the human, it is always your responsibility, not hers, to make sure she can't escape. You let go off her lead - she didn't engineer that to happen. You didn't do it on purpose this time either, but that doesn't make it her fault.

Something we do with the rescue foster I mentioned to you before, although for different reasons (she's very reactive to other dogs), is we take her out on two leads - one attached to a body harness, and one to a head collar. My hand is always through at least one of the handles so it's round my wrist at all times, usually both.
Another thing that might be useful, depending on the size of both you and the dog, is attaching her to your belt. I wouldn't recommend this if she is very strong or reactive though.

I'm sorry if this is coming across as overly critical, it's not meant that way, just trying to help both you and the dog. You've both been lucky so far, but a dog running loose is hazardous enough, one with a lead attached is an accident waiting to happen, she could have got caught up in anything.

I also really hope for both your sakes that she isn't now pregnant as a result of all this. Do you have an appointment set up with the vets?

I really hope now you have put things in place to prevent her escaping again so that she has the chance to settle and bond with you.

 

[SeanCharles]

@digger I do appreciate your responses and the advice. :)

I also really hope for both your sakes that she isn't now pregnant as a result of all this. Do you have an appointment set up with the vets?

I do have a vet appointment to get her fixed! I originally scheduled this appointment for yesterday, and she'd have come home today... Since I had gotten her on Wednesday night, I didn't want to add extra stress of being reunited with me then suddenly being taken to the vet, so I moved the appointment to the 22/23rd of this month rather then the original April 10 appointment, although yesterday I had considered making it earlier. My mom advised me to keep the appointment for the 22/23rd so, I am doing so.

In terms of her behavior and her wanting to escape, she's a smart dog! She basically tangled the leash around her knowing that I would have to untangle it. That's where the problem was. I let the leash slip from my hand while I was trying to pull it free and somehow I lost the leash and away she fled. Luckily, I know where she goes! She's been whining and trying to coax me to take her to the back neighbor. I've been resistant right now given her status and the status of my neighbor's dog. I do plan to let them play when I do get fix with peace of mind that she won't get pregnant.

She's missing again? Oh that's horrible! I hope you find her soon!

@Britt.f7 She's back! I do know I found her out front this morning hooked to my fence. I suspect that my back neighbor brought her back since I went over and he helped me get her to bring her home! :)

Something we do with the rescue foster I mentioned to you before, although for different reasons (she's very reactive to other dogs), is we take her out on two leads - one attached to a body harness, and one to a head collar. My hand is always through at least one of the handles so it's round my wrist at all times, usually both. Another thing that might be useful, depending on the size of both you and the dog, is attaching her to your belt. I wouldn't recommend this if she is very strong or reactive though. I'm sorry if this is coming across as overly critical, it's not meant that way, just trying to help both you and the dog. You've both been lucky so far, but a dog running loose is hazardous enough, one with a lead attached is an accident waiting to happen, she could have got caught up in anything.

@digger No worries! When she's loose, I have major separation anxiety and worry that something bad is gonna happen. I know where she ends up though. On the otherside of this! I have a feeling that she has a guardian looking out for her. ;) In terms of giving her the ability to get herself tangled I've given her less slack in the leash which means I have more leash I am holding!

I really am glad that she has bonded with one of my neighbors. I Know that Winnie is a work in progress. I know she needs me as I do her. The last two attempts were really my fault! However, digger, you've given me an idea that I will do! In addition to her leash I do have a tie out I will hook her to when we're in the yard. I am considering the idea of obtaining a dog run which will be helpful too as long she's supervised on that. Right now I need to assess how I am going to set that up since one end can go to the house and another maybe a tree. The tree may be coming down though because I think it is dead standing...

---SeanG

 

[joeylittle]

In terms of her behavior and her wanting to escape, she's a smart dog! She basically tangled the leash around her knowing that I would have to untangle it. That's where the problem was.

I hope I don't sound like I'm picking on you, but be careful of assigning thoughts and actions to her behavior. You could even think of it as a way to practice mindfulness.

By thinking that she tangled herself up on purpose in order to make you untangle, you are assigning motives to her that you can't confirm. Also, assigning those motives can turn into a habit that will lead to bad decisions later on.

I had a neighbor who thought her cat was pouting and grumpy because of some new rule, and when her cat stopped eating she talked all the time about how her cat was not eating or drinking just to make her feel badly. Of course, what turned out is that the cat (who was elderly) was having kidney problems, and unfortunately, crawled off to hide and ultimately passed away without getting care.

It is really normal to assign human thoughts and actions to our animals - but really, it's important to remember that evaluating their behavior takes time and practice - and in the end, we can only control our own actions (also kind of like in mental health stuff). So, instead of thinking that she tangled on purpose, ask yourself "how did I contribute to the tangling, and how can that be avoided in the future?"

I'm very glad you've got custody again, and that you have the vet set up. I think a dog run is a great, great idea. Perhaps you can consider fencing your yard instead? Just a thought...although I don't know if you rent or own where you are.

 

[SeanCharles]

I'm very glad you've got custody again, and that you have the vet set up. I think a dog run is a great, great idea. Perhaps you can consider fencing your yard instead? Just a thought...although I don't know if you rent or own where you are.

I do own this house. I purposely chose this house because it has a fenced yard. (I have 2 openings in the fence that I need to consider barricading! Back when I got Sheba back, she was being fostered until I got this house, her and I would play in the yard as her and I had become very well bonded.

Winnie on the other hand has some trust issues that we need to overcome. She is becoming less skittish of me while at the same time can slip back into her skittish ways, for example: if I approach her too quickly or if I approach her and make her feel threatened which I am not.

hope I don't sound like I'm picking on you, but be careful of assigning thoughts and actions to her behavior. You could even think of it as a way to practice mindfulness.

I don't feel picked on... I do agree to a degree here that I do need to be careful with assigning her thought processes. My comment is based on my observation of her action(s)... (She whines to let me know that she needs to go out. Bear in mind too, that she is unfixed at the moment, and she's comparable to a teenager with raging hormones! (She may or not be in season, I haven't seen evidence supporting this or not. I am also basing my comment on what I know her former owner, who is not who gave me to her. I don't even know that person personally. Here is what I know:

• She was allowed to roam by her owner who was bonded enough and could catch her. It's probable that upon being caught she was likely punished as follows:
  
• She spent lots of time in a crate that was not adequate for her, in other words, she wasn't able to enter, turn around and lie down comfortably. (This is secondhand information).
  
• The crate I have for Winnie which I use only when I need to leave the house and don't want her loose in the house is one that she can either lay in or stand in and can turn around in. I bought (or am buying this crate because the crate I had left after Sheba's passing was too small for this dog since Winnie is taller than Sheba was. (different breeds.)

Note: I know that I make many references to Sheba, I don't do so as though I am comparing or expect Winnie to be her! Sheba was a great dog in the end. What I am doing is contrasting moreso than really comparing since these 2 are uniquely different. The circumstances for both animals, with a few minor differences is that Winnie is unfixed (momentarily, she's got a vet appointment scheduled for surgery) whereas She came to me fixed because she was a shelter rescue. Winnie was not a shelter rescue, but was a rescued by the person I got her from who actually didn't have Winnie very long.


@joeylittle She does have a dog pen that I added back when I acquired the house which has a modified dog door (a towel over the opening) which may need a bit of modification for Ms Winnie because of her size.

I am seeing something interesting here and maybe found a unique project. I may elaborate on this more another time.

---SeanGeo

 

[SeanCharles]

As of today, I am pleased to say that progress towards trusting me is progress in a forward and positive motion. I've been taking her into the dog yard (which is completely fenced as apposed to the front yard which is one of two problem areas I've had with her. The second problem area being the driveway.

Tomorrow I work, so it will be a day in the crate until I return home. I don't like to crate her given her former life, but sometimes we have face our past in order to move forward into the present...

At least I have 10 or so more days until I solve a major problem of hers... (I had forgotten what an unfixed female is like! (A teenager!)

Anyway, So far we've only had 3 free runs and since this third one, I think I know who returned her. I did get her a tag made! (I also have her microchipped with my info, but a tag may be good too. I do plan to eventually let Ms Winnie play more with the back neighbor's dog when I get Miss Winnie Fixed...


---SeanG

 

[J.Nem]

Wow! Busy times. You keep up the good work. Well done with everything. So very proud of you. Just get that fence fixed asap - better a short run in a safe place that's fully secure than a long run somewhere unsafe. You have been blessed by kind and good folks thank God, who have helped you graciously so far, but do everything you can at your end to protect and keep your beloved dog safe and secure as even having her fixed will not keep her from running around and not everyone out there can keep your dog safe - only a good fence, no gaps,and a closed and locked gate and you doing all the right and sensible things will do that. You are doing great, keep doing great and you will have some beautiful and unmissable times ahead with your beautiful dog. The future is bright, the future is furry!!