I Can't Find My 'safe Place' For Emdr

[keiron1850]

Hi guys, I'm a new member and have recently been diagnosed with PTSD even though I thought I might have had it for quite some time now. I am a police officer and was held hostage at gun point. A firearms colleague who came to save me was shot in the head right next to me. I had just turned 22 when that happened. I am ingot just going through counselling now as things started to get our of hand and I wasn't able to deal with my 'episodes' too well anymore. My therapist had tried EMDR and told me to think of a safe place. I have tried one place but when the EMDR starts my place disappears. I'm getting frustrated too as I don't know what he wants from me, he talks in riddles a lot. My brain feels like mush and I want to be well and normal again. Can anyone help please

 

[KimV]

He wants you to go to your safe place during your sessions??

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Hi guys, I'm a new member

Welcome to the boards!

 

[Recovery4Me]

First of all, thank you for your service to the public community. Secondly, that was a h3llish thing to go through and I respect you for getting self-care.

Safe Place Imagery is slightly different in a few circles however within a PTSD Sourcebook it falls under Intrusion Management (or slowing down the intrusive thoughts). You create a positive headspace that counters the other thought. An image that to you personally evokes calm and safety. If you can not think of an actual place, use something personal like (for me I used a cross for a long time). You have to use self cueing or practice on it for a while so you can call it up when you need it.

If this just is not your cup of tea, I knew a sharp shooter who conjured up the image of some beautiful celebrity and fantasized hanging out. He named his rifle after her. Not exactly what the T wanted, but it helped my friend get through it none-the-less.

Hope this helps.

 

[Rumors]

I thought the idea of emdr was to go back to the trauma not go to a safe place? Is this after the session or during emdr?
Really sorry you are going through this! Thank you for your service to the community.

 

[Lucycat]

I had to establish a 'safe place' before I was able to start EMDR. It is for use during the session if you are starting to feel overwhelmed - I was only to access the memories for literally seconds at a time in the beginning. It was also there to be used between sessions when the T was not physically there as he was well aware that in the first instance EMDR ( like many therapies) makes you worse before you get better.

I decided that my safe place is a little island that I visited many years ago. It was remote - Rory and I sat on the beach and did not see a soul. We could feel the sand and hear the waves. There were distant ships passing, and the occasional sea bird came to investigate. It was not hard for me to think of this place and remember the sights, sounds, smells, feel and temperature. During that same time, building up to starting EMDR I received a greetings card from a friend - and coincidentally it showed a picture of a remote island - no people and beautiful golden sands. I put that card on the mantle piece and would look at it from time to time as part of my 'practice' to using the safe place. I found it very helpful to have a visual reminder.

My T comes to my home, so I actively used the card during my EMDR sessions.

@keiron1850 I would suggest that you think really hard about some place that you have ever felt safe. Then conjure up all the things about it and keep reminding yourself how safe you felt there. It can be imagined if there is no where real that you have been. Maybe somewhere in a TV show that you would like to visit? The important thing is to think of it in such depth, that you 'know' what it sounds like to be there, and you know what it will smell like. You can tell the sights and sound. You know what you are doing there - sitting, standing, alone or with company. This is YOUR place so you can make it whatever you want. But it does take time and practice, and I get that your previous attempt disappeared at the first hurdle. With practice you can overcome that and keep it in focus. Don't give up!

 

[Friday]

I haven't done EMDR... But the whole safe place thing threw me for years.

Come to find, my idea of safe & other people's is a little, um, wildly different. Meadows & shit freak me out*. Talk about feeling exposed. No thank you.

I've got 2. In someone's arms, or in the armory. And both are less visual and more sensory. Smells, tastes, weight, light, sounds, air movements, textures, etc. The nice thing, is that when I'm lost in my mind, both of those places come to me. Whether it's a person walking up to me and pulling me away, or suddenly finding myself strapped, locked, & loaded.

Thing is, I'm busy. I don't have time to go to some f*cking safe place. So instead? I've got backup and weapons coming to me. And pulling me out. First they're there. Then that's different, so that disrupts the memory because that's not accurate, which is blinking room. And by the time I'm done blinking over the confusion? I'm tumbled up in bed with bare skin and heartbeats or in a concrete room smelling cold steel and CLP and everything clean and the silence heavy.

I surf... So I did try that one for years. The power of the waves, the shiver of fear skimming over coral, the broken nose as the board pops up (even my "think of a beach" is a little screwy :rolleyes: ) came close... But I still had to "go" there. And my sense of responsibility is all outta proportion. The beach is where I go to have fun. Where I go to relax. To blow off some steam or find some balance. Not where i go to feel safe. Fun & Safe are wildly different animals. But mostly? It's that sense of responsibility. I can't even leave memory people alone to go f*ck off. Especially not when a memory has even a shade of guilt over it already. If I view it as my fault even a hair? I can't leave. Not to be safe, while they're dead or dying. Much less to have fun. So I need a mobile response team to come haul my stubborn ass out.

* LOL... I sat with one therapist for a few hours once and listed out something like 40 zillion counters to each of their suggestions. Not to just be a knucklehead. Because my mind goes to f*cked up places. Flowers? Graves. Houses? (14 versions of not secure). Mountain tops (mountain crevasse rescue, pass). Et cetera. So there's also that. I've never been overly concerned about safety. That's what I make for others, not for myself. Nowhere is safe, really. Safety is a feeling, not a reality. So where do I feel safe? In someone's arms, or about to strip and break down weapons and load up. But I still can't go to them. They have to come to me.

 

[StellaBlue]

I only "did" EMDR once - didn't know we were doing it, didn't agree to do it...anyway, it started with the "safe place" things. At the time, I was dissociating so much I was (realized much later) that I had my own little maladaptive daydreaming world - but that didn't fit the definition of a "safe place". I agree with @FridayJones - a meadow, a field, an open beach? Yeah, not going to happen. In real life, the beach is my safe place - I can sit for hours and watch the surf, feel the sun and the sand - in my head? No way - too many ways someone could approach - I can handle that in real life - not so much in my imaginary safe place.

Advice - and I am not a combat vet so take it for what it's worth - explain to your therapist your struggle - see if he/she can understand and help.

 

[Sandstone]

For a safe place to work you have to practice it over and over. When mine was a boat I could see every lank, smell the slightly stagnant river water in the bilge, feel the old rag mat on the seat and the texture of the oars. It has to be absolutely real and solid, and for me going to it starts with the sense of touch.

That said, I've broken almost every safe place I've used, usually by realising that they hold risks. I still have two, but both involve me not being myself. In one I'm a knight on a quest, in the other I'm a donkey. It works for me.

 

[tacit]

So sorry to hear of your circumstances.

For me it's not so much about being safe. I have no idea what that would look like anyway & not sure if truly safe even exists - safest maybe, but undeniably safe not so much. And I was never interested in making something up as at the end of the day I always knew that it wasn't real & could never see the safety in that. I focused on the thing that made me feel 'at home' instead & this, for me, is working with horses. When I am working with a horse I know exactly who I am & what I'm doing. I just feel 'at home' on a horse, likes it's where i'm meant to be. Even in the thick of my PTSD, when nothing felt right, let alone enjoyable, I could still remember back on times that it had felt like that in the past. I found this very useful as it was true & undeniable. Thinking of a place with horses was not enough for me & remembering a time when I actually was at peace with one seemed to give the strength needed. And if my overwhelm was getting in the way, I would focus on slowing my breathing down, relaxing all the parts of my body & deliberately & consciously remind myself of where I actually was & that what I was feeling was more associated with something that happened sometime & somewhere else & not really happening now. This worked for me to calm down enough & settle to enjoy the memory more & get the job done.

I am curious to know whether the T did the preparatory sessions with you before doing an EMDR session?

 

[LuckyMe]

My hat goes off to you. I just posted a thread for help as well and am starting out on my journey to (hopefully) regain my life back. First, as many have probably said, I really appreciate your sacrifice. I was the victim of trafficking, torture and now a home invasion (random act) and I know how hard it is to have that kind of fear become crippling. I have never been more appreciative of officers who were there when there was no one else to help me feel safe. I use to call the police on a nightly basis literally scared to death, thinking I was going to be killed. Poor guys mostly likely think I'm nuts and perhaps PTSD makes you that way but it's only once you've had that type of fear that you can really understand what that means inside a person & how completely terrifying it feels. I'm down to calling about 1-2xs a month & I'm so grateful they still answer my calls when I think someone is outside. (I still have a very long way to my own recovery)

Whatever you do, stay in therapy, your brain needs you to, and take it from me, it's worth fighting as hard as you must (no matter how many new starts & new strategies that may entail) to preserve who you are & the quality of life you have always deserved. In my opinion, just because a person is qualified, and in fact, even if you like that person, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily the right one for you to work with. I don't know your feelings on this but I thought I'd put that out there to explore the thought as I tried EMDR with a therapist who I thought I liked but had the same problems with. I never thought it possible to like a therapist they way I have come to love mine. I think EMDR or therapy in itself can be hard if you have multiple traumas (recognized or not) or racing thoughts. I try to think about laying in bed totally relaxed, warm & perfectly comfy- like fresh new sheets, cool puffy down blanket, perfectly fluffed pillows type of comfy! If I need to visualize, I pretend I'm watching it as movie I've seen a bunch of times. Like one I've seen so many times I feel like I could close my eyes & know I'm not missing anything cause I've gotten to the point I've memorized the actors expressions & words so much that they don't emotionally effect me anymore. I can't tell you if this will work or if it's they way it's supposed to be done but that's what I try to do.

My PTSD has taken a lot from me & my life and so I'm finally looking into a residential type of situation because I'm at that point where I want to just work on this stuff so hard that it starts to go away. I know thats really hard to do, especially with work, but it might be something to consider if you can find a place that can work around your schedule or even an intensive outpatient. I only say this because sometimes its good to be around other people who've gone through similar things.

I'm here if you need to talk. I'm happy you're trying to get through this stuff too & wish you the all of strength you need.

 

[Beleaguered]

Hi.

I read this thread last week because I was having trouble finding the calm safe place, I think for some of the reasons people have mentioned. It was difficult to think of a real place because personal history was always at least a subconscious companion, and fake places felt -- well -- fake.

I came up with an idea that kind of melded the two. I used to read a lot as a kid and remember many favorite books and series that fueled the imagination and sometimes pretend play. I picked a safe, cozy place from one and put myself in it. It is real to me in the sense that my imagination had already been there. (Think, drifting down a river on a raft like Huck Finn, or a river of chocolate, or living inside a Giant Peach, Emerald City, whatever). I'm not a character from the story, nor am I with any characters. I'm just in the setting. But, I know how the story ends and none of our real life villains were in it, or had anything to do with it, so there's no danger of it taking me somewhere negative. It's just a place that I think I would have loved, at least as I imagined it. I would guess a painting, or maybe even a movie scene could act the same way.