General Will He Ever Really Be "him" Again?

[Amanda_j]

I was reading some threads and someone mentioned that her sufferer won't ever truly be himself again. Being new to ptsd, I find this forum extremely helpful, and at times, incredibly daunting. So it got me thinking, and to be honest, worrying. Will "parts" of the man I feel in love with always be missing?

 

[ISupportHer]

There are so many variables. Your situation is probably much different than mine and my wife's. But i can tell you that we rode the rapids, in a manner of speaking, and we have come out the other side.

Are things the same as before? Not completely. But things are good now. But I have to warn you that I first came here in 2009. 6 years ago next month. No easy fix. No rapid return.

But my message is that there can be hope. 6 years ago, I had little hope but here I am, wishing YOU hope in your journey.

ISH

 

[The Albatross]

"Always" and "never" statements aren't the best way to think. "Always and never are two words to always remember to never use."

 

[scout86]

Everything we experience in life has the potential to change us. He may never be exactly who he was "before". (No one is, really.) That doesn't mean he can't be a good and valuable person and it doesn't mean he can't be someone who loves you and who you can love. If someone has a severe burn, they may never be the same. If someone loses an leg, they will never be the same. If they end up blind or in a wheelchair, they won't be the same as they were before. That doesn't mean the person they become isn't "ok".

 

[Friday]

If you knew him before? Then probably he's going to be very different.

If you've only met him afterward? Then he'll be the same man you've always known.

Life changes people. Usually. My cousin is low functioning autistic. He's the exact same 2yo boy he's always been. Even though he's now 40. Consider PTSD like any other life long, life altering event. Like becoming a parent. (Or moving out of their parents, or becoming a paraplegic, or, or, or.) People change. They struggle with new roles. They adapt. They grow. They find their stride. How long that takes, and how much it changes someone? Depends on a lot of factors.

Will 'parts' always be missing? Depends on how you look at it. If you want him the way he was pre-PTSD? Ain't gonna happen. Just like he'll never be 5 years old again. He's a whole person. Whether it's PTSD or a wheel chair or being a Daddy... People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse, more often both.

 

[Amanda_j]

If you want him the way he was pre-PTSD? Ain't gonna happen.

Thanks for your responses. Honestly, yes, I would love him to be the way he was pre-Ptsd. Of course I would. But I don't love him any less because of this, he is still the man I fell in love with. I don't think he is not whole, when I talked about 'parts' of him being missing, I was referring to things that he now either finds incredible difficult or avoids altogether. His personality traits that have been buried under everything else that's going on right now. I'm having communication difficulties myself when trying to talk about this, but hopefully you get where I'm coming from. The reality of it is, this has altered him and it has inadvertently changed the dynamics of our relationship. By his own admission, he 'misses him' too. I'm not averse to change, we have adapted to many changes over the past 5 years together. The ptsd diagnosis is relatively new, so naturally there's lots to learn and it's one day at a time for both of us. I'm unable to look at ptsd like any other life altering or life changing event at this stage because it's nothing like anything we have ever had to deal with. Being here helps immensely so thank you to you all.

"Always and never are two words to always remember to never use."

Analysing words before I use them is not something I do and he doesn't expect nor want me to change who I am. And I wouldn't. Thank you for the insight though, maybe we will discuss my terminology, to establish if it impacts on him personally, I don't want to create more stress for him :-)

 

[scout86]

Words are important. They can have more of an impact than you realize. Even if you don't think you really mean "always and never" the person you're speaking with hears them and it has an effect. Saying them has an effect on you too. Being aware of the effects of language is more something a person learns to do than it is a change in their basic nature, for most people.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I didn't meet hubby until a few weeks after his diagnosis, and I do think that makes it less complicated for me.

His Mum has repeatedly told me she wished I had met him 'before', but I just remind her that this is the man I fell in love with and joke that I may not have liked him 'before'!