General Friends Dropping Like Flies

[Sweetpea76]

I am getting pretty burnt out on losing friends because they don't "get it." Either they think my vet is an ass when he is just symptomatic, or they think he is going to be violent when he is so protective of me he wouldn't harm a hair on my head.

That, or I'm the big ole meanie doo-doo head that points out that you can't get PTSD from getting dumped... then gets frustrated when the conversation turns into a pissing contest on how bad getting dumped hurts.

In the name of all that is secular and non-vulgar... I wish I had some close "inside PTSD friends" in real life.

Anybody else know what I mean?

 

[Sighs]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

That's why I'm here all the friggin' time.

My parents don't speak to me anymore. I lost both my best friends - one because he thinks my vet is a jerk and the other because she thinks he should just get over it. We moved to a rural community where we knew no-one. I can't talk to my workmates or neighbours about any of it.

I finally got to see a counselor through Vet Affairs and after seeing her twice she had a fall and broke her leg.

Helloooo forum buds! Thank god you guys are here!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I think I just lost a group of girlfriends last night. Me and my big mouth. I'm like a pit bull when it comes to my vet. Nobody can have words about my man being an ass but me. :mad:

 

[Sighs]

I think of it as the PTSD alternate universe - if you've never been there you can never understand.

:hug: @Sweetpea76

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am getting pretty burnt out on losing friends because they don't "get it."

I'm sorry......I didn't realize it was bad on the supporter front, too. :-(

That, or I'm the big ole meanie doo-doo head that points out that you can't get PTSD from getting dumped... then gets frustrated when the conversation turns into a pissing contest on how bad getting dumped hurts.

Odd....the outside world seems to be polarized....either thinking that you can only get PTSD from combat......or on the flip side, you can get PTSD from everything under the sun, including things like getting dumped or even a really bad hangnail. SMH.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's like people WANT to have PTSD... I'm sure my vet would be glad to hand his over if somebody was willing to take it from him.

 

[Sighs]

@itsKismet - sadly yes - its bad on this side too.

It seems to me that its just outside people's imagination - they literally cannot imagine what its like to suffer actual trauma. And they react in one of two ways.

Either they think of the worst thing that has happened to them and conclude that they are fine so you or your loved one should be fine too. (The "just get over it" reaction.)

Or they think of the worst thing that has ever happened to them and conclude that they were really upset and therefore they too have PTSD. (The "I know exactly how you feel" reaction.)

I can't decide which one upsets me more. They both show a complete total utter lack of understanding about the effects of trauma on the physical brain and body and what it is like to live with this condition as a sufferer or supporter.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I have a few very close friends, and lots of acquaintances. I am very careful what and how I tell the former, and don't tell the latter anything. Family is split into these two categories.

Only three people have seen behind my 'coping mask'; my husband (and PTSD sufferer), one of my best friends, and my ex-husband.

The last two were simply because I bumped into them when I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and just didn't have the energy to hide from/lie to/pretend with people who know me well.

People don't get it because they don't need to. I didn't get it before.

 

[Sweetpea76]

People don't get it because they don't need to. I didn't get it before.

I never thought about it like that before... it's such a necessity in our lives, it blinds us to what life is like "without." Other people don't need or have to understand what we do. They can't see why they are irritating or insulting. Our irritation and insult is ours to own I reckon.

I think what hurts the most though, is lack of compassion from so-called friends and loved ones. There are a lot of uncompassionate mf'ers in general. I do my best to be optimistic a lot of the time, so it sucks when I expect the best out of people and they end up sucking.

 

[Sighs]

Our irritation and insult is ours to own I reckon.

I can accept that when its due to ignorance (which as we all know is bliss!) but I struggle with people who want to argue the point. If someone says "oh wow - I didn't realise" after its been explained to them I'm fine with that. Its the one's that say "yes, but..." repeatedly that I just shake my head and walk away from.

Its hard for me to understand that people Just. Don't. Get. It. because my father had combat PTSD before I was born. I grew up thinking a hell of a lot of PTSD behaviour was just adult male behaviour. :confused:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Its the one's that say "yes, but..." repeatedly that I just shake my head and walk away from.

Because they saw a thing about PTSD on the TV or something...

 

[Wastinglight]

That's a big yes from my corner too. Although that's probably mostly my fault - I frequently cancel plans with my friends because a) I'm not in the headspace to socialise, b) I know if I go I will just end up banging on about about the challenges in my relationship (which is no fun for anyone), or c) I just don't have the energy to go out and "have fun". So it's hardly a surprise to see us drifting apart....I can't blame them really.