What Are You Recovering For?

[Justmehere]

I was in an educational class about PTSD and a therapist shared about their process of quitting smoking. Im going to change details in the story from here to protect their privacy.

She couldn't get herself to do it until she realized it wasn't just about trying to recover from the addiction to nicotine for the health benefits, to save money, or some other reason. All these reasons to quit smoking were good and valid, but they were not enough.

She said things changed for her when she connected to her values and what she cared about on a very practical level. She wanted to be able to do be around her niece and not smell like smoke. For her, that's what motivated her enough to endure the withdrawals.

This really struck a chord for me. She encouraged us to stay connected to what we value and why we are working so hard to recover from trauma and PTSD. She said that studies have been done that show this helps fuel behavioral change and helps people stick it out.

I am not addicted to any substance (I think I have a tendency to give in to becoming a compulsive fixer when my PTSD gets really bad. It is like I'm addicted to solving problems.)

Compulsive behaviors and addicting aside, just motivating myself to continue the painful process of therapy has been hard lately. I have had some massive setbacks.

I've been thinking about not just seeking to recover because PTSD is awful to experience. If recovery was only about that, I think I would give up. I stay in the process when I remember I am working to improve my symptoms because I want to be a better advocate for homeless and foster care children and teenagers. I think I would walk through fire for them.

In a way, I am. When I ready to give up on everything, even life itself, I think of them and something in me settles and finds a little more strength to try again. Again an again. Even when everyone else has given up.

I don't feel compelled to advocate for those kids - it's not a codependent thing. I think some motivations like this could go in that direction. For me, it just reminds me I'm working so damn hard for a reason. This keeps me going even when it seems like wrestling with PTSD only increases the pain.

Getting better because PTSD is awful to endure is a really good reason. For me, I need other reasons. Maybe it's because I am so sick of myself...

Can anyone relate? What motivates you to keep working at recovery?

The question is often what is someone recovering from? I want to ask, what are you are recovering for?

 

[scout86]

I don't have an answer for you, but I think it's a good and a useful question. It's a question my T asks every now and then too. (The first time he asked "What are you here FOR?" I replied, "For awhile?" He stopped, looked at me a second, then burst out laughing. Said he'd never gotten that response before and asked if he could use it. I said that he could.)

Sometimes it seem like most of my life is already gone and was pretty much wasted and/or messed up and maybe "working on things" is a waste of time, because there just isn't enough time left to make it count for anything. So maybe the answer really IS "for awhile". I'm here. I may as well try to learn something. And then maybe, if I get lucky, I can find some ways to apply it that might actually help make some small part of the world a slightly better place. I don't know. But I think it's an important question and worth asking.

 

[PlainJane]

I am afraid I don't have an inspiring answer. I think I endeavor recovery because it is human nature. We naturally want to be loved or to love others. Some are broken in that sense. I am, nevertheless I can recognize this is a common need. It is engrained in us a desire to live life to the fullest of our ability. Obviously differs from one person to the next on what activities qualify as "living." People in general are hard wired with a will to live. I know that despite my sometimes very serious suicidal tendencies or idealizations I generally want to be alive. It's hard to say I want to be alive even though I exclaim on a daily basis death would be better. But it is true. Otherwise I would have chosen to end my life instead of enduring this hellish world. Self-preservation. I seek recovery for the simple reason it is in my nature, human nature to go on. I hope to find another reason.

 

[The Albatross]

What motivates you to keep working at recovery? Basically the alternative. Not working on PTSD and staying in my behaviors lead to a diminished life. I'm an older woman, not much cause to be particularly hopeful about turning around some things... but I just don't want to continue giving or diminishing my life because of PTSD.

I really believe that life can be a matter of consequences and I don't want any more of them either.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that if you can find motivation in anything.....then that's a good thing. Finding external motivation is what you need.

i am sort of on the flip side of things. I have horrid self-esteem, so I find that I need to recover for myself. I need to find a way to like and love myself, and realize that I am in fact doing this for ME! I am important, and I deserve this.

But i can see the other side of things. I can see why you are finding external motivation. I think that many people do this. They want to recover for something or someone else. My trust factor is so low that I don't think I could do this. If the external factor would disappear, i would be lost. But me? I will never disappear. (And if i do, that means I'm dead and the whole recovery thing is a moot point anyway.)

 

[jaccat]

I want to do it for me. I have lived my whole life for other people. I cared for both my parents from a very young age, I've never thought of myself. Now it's my turn.

 

[Tinyflame]

I thought I might have found a reason, or had found a plan to do it/ reason for living, but I couldn't get any help to do it (I can't by myself) or find out if it was reasonable (not for me to determine). Lol, not meant to be.

I agree it's a fine question @Justmehere .

 

[Gadgie]

That's exactly how I feel jaccat, I've spent the last twelve years, caring for my wife, the last seven of which she was totally bed bound. It really was a 24/7 job which nearly broke me.

I couldn't get out or do anything at all, unless I could get someone else to sit with her. She came from a large family of eleven siblings, and out of them, only one used to help me out.

Her three grown up kids were no help either, however, they all stepped in at the end, turned my wife against me, and convinced her to hand "everything,"including our life savings, over to them.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am recovering for the ability to feel joy again. Once I can feel that, I can enjoy my family and my teaching and my life so much more. But my journey has also taught me a lot about the stigma of PTSD (and mental illnesses in general) and I am recovering with a goal to become an advocate for people to gain more compassion and understanding.

 

[Justmehere]

But i can see the other side of things. I can see why you are finding external motivation. I think that many people do this. They want to recover for something or someone else. My trust factor is so low that I don't think I could do this. If the external factor would disappear, i would be lost. But me? I will never disappear. (And if i do, that means I'm dead and the whole recovery thing is a moot point anyway.)

It's funny because I think my external reason has been I need to recover so that everyone else is more happy with me, less angry with me, likes me better, accepts me more....blah blah. Then when everyone has not been happy, and or has left me, I have wanted to quit. For me, recovering to become a better advocate feels like it is so about me, my heart. To me, it is something that can't be taken away, because it's not dependent on anyone else. Or maybe it is. I can see how for many people this would be.

For me, it's something I've always done. Since I have been 12. It isn't a goal that someone else will do xyz, it is a goal that I want, I desire, I value being a good advocate... Huh. Maybe I have it all twisted!

I wonder what part of this still involves me putting my goals outside of me. It is good food for thought to consider and continue to keep in mind.

I want to do it for me. I have lived my whole life for other people. I cared for both my parents from a very young age, I've never thought of myself. Now it's my turn.

This is awesome!

I have lived my whole live for the approval or appeasement of others. Now, I want to do it for what I want and desire to do with my life.

 

[PlainJane]

It's all about balance. We can't live entirely for ourselves because then we become incredibly selfish in our everyday lives. I know it's true for me. Then there's the flip side where we're living for everybody else and we just get walked on and it's exhausting. There is satisfaction in bettering ourselves and in turn being good and helpful to others. Let me know when you find that balance and draw a map for me please ;)

 

[Dana1010]

I want to be somebody else. I'm just dog tired of being me and bearing my cross and my memories and my hurts and my regrets and shame. I want to unload it all and just walk away, but I don't know how. I'm searching for the way to break out of my casing like a seed that's germinated, or if I can't be someone else at least forget who I am. I'm trying to recover so that when I look in the mirror, I don't have to see me anymore.