Undiagnosed Please Help

[Fortheloveofgod]

Hi guys,

I could do with your opinion on my situation, see if you know what’s going on. I don’t want to go into too much detail but I’ve had to cut off my entire family due to abuse and am literally on the run, hiding out in a different city hoping they don’t track me down again.

I’ve been to see many therapists, none that are willing to side with me, or validate my experiences. I am completely alone, isolated and I am trying to hold down a job. However, I find that I am almost completely non-verbal on many days, like a mute. When I do speak i sometimes slur my words, or find it hard to speak. I end up speaking in a flat monotone voice without emotion, I just can’t seem to relate or communicate with people. I feel like I just go through the motions. Every time I have to leave the house I am filled with terror - I am terrified of human beings, I am on edge all the time, I can’t be close to people or around them without the overwhelming desire to get away, feeling like I could be attacked at any moment. I don’t sleep properly, am always exhausted, on my days off i just want to do nothing, i fall into a daze or haze. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare.

I’ve been looking at things like autistic spectrum disorder and C-PTSD, I just can’t work out whats going on anymore - I’ve been like this for the past couple of years, its not really getting any better.

Any ideas or help would be appreciated, thanks

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Getting away from poisonous family members is definitely a good first step. You may need to see a specialist that can give you a thorough emotional examination and a correct diagnosis. There are so many emotional afflictions out there, and they can all interact with each other if you have more than one.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome and I would encourage you to get a professional diagnosis. The first step to getting better is knowing what is wrong.

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome to the forum.

As Whispering Truth has written, getting away from danger and toxic people is the foundation of recovery. Well done.

There's plenty to relate to in your description, of people as stressor, of seeking isolation, and of the difficulty in speaking and lack of prosody in your voice.

No one here can diagnose. And to an extent, it is the difficulties you experience in living working and connecting ("symptoms") which form the basis of treatment and recovery, and any T worth the money will know what symptoms tend to occur together, to be able to look out for any that aren't showing at first.

The "diagnosis" (fancy word for stereotype or pigeonhole) is more so a doctor or T can tick a box and claim payment from a health services funder.

This is a safe place, there are lots of people here who are kind,patient and empathic, and most importantly, who "get it"

There are lots of resources here too.
Can I suggest you take a look at the "stress cup", CBT and exposure.
@

 

[Justmehere]

You may need to have psychological or even neuropsychological testing done, with a Ph.D., rather than a therapist to sort out the diagnosis. Some of your symptoms could go under a number of mental health conditions like PTSD or developmental disorders like autism.

You write that therapists are not willing to side with you or validate you. What specifically are they not validating? What do they disagree with you about? What specifically do they feel is the issue and the treatment/solution?

 

[fortheloveofgod]

Thanks for your responses. I am very reluctant to go down the "professional diagnosis" route. I dont trust the mental health industry, and fear that I may end up brainwashed or pigeon holed (like you suggested anarchy) into a label, put on medication and ending up in some institution in a weelchair. I know I have problems, but there is no cure for autism or ptsd so what difference does it make if I am diagnosed; what are they going to do, drug me up and tell me to go meditate.....again?

Justmehere - They don't validate my experiences. Particularly the way my family behaved towards me, their phychological abuse, their attempt to systematically destroy me. I get psychobabble back, like "there are two truths", "send an e-mail to your family to let them know you're ok, they will be worried". Basically, they end up minimizing my experiences and siding with my toxic family.

I am not going to spend a single penny on another therapist, all they have ever done is made me feel more defective whilst making a profit from me. I don't really know what to do.

 

[Justmehere]

I know I have problems, but there is no cure for autism or ptsd so what difference does it make if I am diagnosed; what are they going to do, drug me up and tell me to go meditate.....again?

A diagnosis is a very limited tool, and in the wrong hands, yes, it can be used to pigeon hole. In capable hands it is a tool to get effective treatment and relief. Treatment other than meds is out there, a lot of good treatments.

There is no cure for PTSD or some other conditions, but there are treatments and other tools other than just being given a label, meds, and told to breathe deeply. Take schizophrenia for example. About 25% of people recover from that condition to never have it again. About 50% are able to have symptoms go into remission with treatment. Most people think it's an incurable condition that no one ever really gets better from.

If you do have autism, there are ways to cope with it, like weighted blankets and etc to lower the anxiety and be able to do more of what you want to be able to do in life. Same with PTSD. There are ways to treat PTSD so the symptoms can be reduced, and maybe even go into remission.

If a diagnosis is not what you are seeking, and relief is what you are looking for, then therapy can help. If therapy is not for you, then I suggest checking out workbooks and other books on CBT and DBT skills. There is lots of free info online as well. No matter the condition you have, CBT and DBT is helpful for most people in general. They are also really good for someone dealing with abusive family.

I know you are in deep pain, and there is a path out of the suffering. It does mean making some changes, trying some things different than what you are doing, and may mean eventually asking others for help. But, if you are not ready for that, then you are at where you are at, and it's ok.

You have described being on the run from your abusive family.

Justmehere - They don't validate my experiences. Particularly the way my family behaved towards me, their phychological abuse, their attempt to systematically destroy me. I get psychobabble back, like "there are two truths", "send an e-mail to your family to let them know you're ok, they will be worried". Basically, they end up minimizing my experiences and siding with my toxic family.

You either have encountered crappy therapists, or they do not believe your family is abusive and they may see this more as a paranoid type of anxiety or other kind of condition.

If you do try therapy again, try seeking out a therapist trained in EMDR or another form of trauma therapy. They may be more helpful in figuring out how to find relief.

Otherwise, read up all you can about CBT or DBT skills and that may provide you some relief from what you are experiencing.

 

[lux.]

I disagree that PTSD can't be cured. My symptoms have gone down drastically this year and I expect them to continue to diminish to the point of being virtually symptom-free.

When I had my worst traumatic experience, I developed a severe dissociative disorder. One of my symptoms was that I was talking in a monotone voice like a robot--I didn't even notice this, but other people did. So some of your symptoms could be dissociation, which is a common symptom of PTSD. And your interpersonal problems could be PTSD instead of Autism Spectrum. If these symptoms have not been present your entire life, you probably don't have autism.

Justmehere's post was excellent. I'd also recommend CBT or DBT workbooks. Grounding would also be really helpful for you, both to help you stay in the moment and to assuage your fears and anxiety.