What Does Your Therapist Do Or Say That You Find Helpful?

[barefoot]

Is yours NHS @Cj77?

 

[jaccat]

I think validation is a big one for me too. And pointing out when stuff that seems normal to me really isn't.

She's really good at filling in the gaps in a way that makes sense. There's so much of my past that I don't know and she has a way of filling in the holes using her knowledge of me now mixed with the reality of my circumstances then.

Also how much she believes in me, and believes in my future (which I can't yet do for myself).

And she doesn't let me get away with verbally beating myself up in sessions.

 

[The Albatross]

He had confidence that I did not have that I could find my own way out.

 

[watundah]

Because I spent several years as a selective mute growing up, I often land in silence in session. I think she works especially hard by asking me questions and talking to keep me engaged. The silence would drive me nuts and we would be going no where without her extra efforts. I have never had a therapist try this hard.

Also she often reminds me that behavior worked back then but not so much now. I don't need to hear it all of the time but it does shine a light on it as a gentle reminder.

 

[WillyKat]

She restates my negative thinking in positive terms. When I speak of having made a mistake in life, she talks about what I learned from it. When I speak of being hurt, she tells me I'm still here in spite of it.

She's good and taking my negative narrative and seeing the glass half full.

She's also waits until I reach some healthy understanding on my own, and then validates that understanding. I think if she tried to make me understand something, it would fail. Instead she lets me figure it out first. This can go on for weeks or months with her saying very little, then when I reach a point, she comes along with some brilliant analysis that puts into words what I feel inside.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

( @barefoot, yes I am on a waiting list to see an NHS psychotherapist, been in and out of NHS clinical psychology for several years and haven't found it helpful so I wondered what it is that therapists say or do that have helped others because I seem to be doing it wrong and I want it to work this time around :shy: I can see from others' replies what it is that I should be feeling - I don't understand why therapy hasn't worked for me so far )

 

[lilymagnolia]

One of the things I'm most grateful for in my therapist is her practice of reminding me that I'm normal and okay. I have a tendency to see myself as no longer a person, a non-person, and she consistently helps me remember that many of my thoughts/reactions are normal (even if the shame accompanying them is not) and/or that what I am experiencing was at one point a valid survival tool (even if it is no longer necessary). She pulls me out of my own little world and gives me gentle understanding and validation.

 

[barefoot]

I seem to be doing it wrong

One of the things my therapist always tells me (with a very patient smile!) is that there's no "right" or "wrong" way to do therapy and that there's no such thing as doing therapy "properly".

I wrestled with that for a long time and got so frustrated with myself - for not doing it well enough, for not making progress quickly enough, for sometimes not being able to speak, for dissociating, for "wasting time". All sorts of things. It's something I still find difficult - especially the wasting time by shutting down/being unable to speak. But I am starting to be able to be more accepting of how I behave in therapy - and that idea of "you just need to be however you need to be" is something that makes sense to me now and that relieves some pressure when I start to notice I'm getting frustrated with myself.

I still get frustrated with myself but I don't give myself as hard a time about it anymore - I don't spend as much time in self-criticism and judgement about, for instance, my voice getting hijacked or my head getting spacey.

Good luck - I really hope you get someone who is right for you and who can meet you where you are and provide valuable support, so that you have a better experience this time round.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks @barefoot, that is great advice, I am also too hard on myself, you made a really important point there so even as I wait, I have something to work on now, just trying to be how I need to be right now. Thank you :)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I seem to be doing it wrong and I want it to work this time around

You just have to stay focused on your goals for therapy- there's no wrong way for it to be done as long as you are getting some benefit. Therapy is a delicate and complicated process.

I can see from others' replies what it is that I should be feeling

There is no should when it comes to feelings. Others are sharing their experiences, but what you feel is your own. Sometimes one doesn't feel supported in therapy because it's not the right approach, it's being rushed, or you just don't have a connection with the therapist. That doesn't mean you're feeling something wrong or doing it wrong.

I sincerely hope that you get a therapist that works with you and helps you to feel like you are making progress this time around. Don't get caught in the "I should be" or "It should be working..." because those won't help. Just go in and work with your therapist the best you can in that moment of time and hopefully it will help.

 

[watundah]

It is truly one of the toughest and most frustrating things I've ever done. I would have thought I'd be done by now but I'm just starting to let myself be vulnerable. It requires a great deal of patience, tenacity and self compassion. And a dedicated trauma expert, I think.

Hang in there. It ain't easy or we'd all be fixed. :tup:

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I am pretty new in therapy, but I think the most important so far has been empathy, acceptance and that he urges me to take myself seriously.