Relationship He Wishes He Could Express His Feelings....

[Pretty Hurts]

the other night we were relaxing watching family guy. one of his shows that is always on, he uses them for background noise, to distract i guess. i read alot of people refer to disassociation....i guess that's what he's doing when it's on and he doesn't seem to be paying attention? putsit on to fall asleep?

anyway, we were watching this time. in this episode Hank becomes constipated and can't go to the bathroom, so for the next couple weeks his wife Peggy tries everything to help, changing his diet and finally convinces him to see a doctor.

alot of stuff happens in between, but towards the end Hank gets weary of all the fuss, just wants to stop everything and go back to eating what he likes and living his life, Peggy ends up telling Hank how much she loves him and the only reason she's pushing so hard is because she's scared he'll end up with colon cancer and she doesn't want to lose him. Hank softens up and tells Peggy he loves her too and a bunch of other heartfelt stuff....right then, my biyfriend says

bf: i wish i could be like that...
me: like what? (surprised/confused)
bf: talk about my feelings like Hank talking to Peggy. express emotions like that....
me: really? :-) you do?
bf: yeah, i used to be like that.
me: i think it's still a part of you.
bf: (smiles quietly still looking at the tv)
me: it shows in your actions.
bf: (looks at me and smiles and nods)
me: i wish i was around when you used to be like that.
bf: me too....
me: i think you can do anything you want to do. and if you really want to be that way again one day you can be.

he smiled at me, we didn't talk about it anymore and we had a good night. still no physical affection but we had some playful moments and the energy between us was warm and peaceful....

my question is, do you think the fact that he wishes he could talk about feelings and express emotions like the character on the show is a sign that he is capable of reconnecting with that part of himself one day?

is this a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and were my responses too much?

 

[scout86]

i guess that's what he's doing when it's on and he doesn't seem to be paying attention? putsit on to fall asleep?

I don't know why HE does that, but I do it because the background noise masks the ringing in my ears that gets pretty annoying when I have to listen to it.

my question is, do you think the fact that he wishes he could talk about feelings and express emotions like the character on the show is a sign that he is capable of reconnecting with that part of himself one day?

I think it, for sure, means what he said. "Capable"? Depends on what's stopping him from doing it now.

 

[Pretty Hurts]

@scout86 thank you for responding. ringing in your ears. i don't know if he experiences that. he may. but i know he has headaches and nightmares often.

thank you for reeling me in. it means what he says, he wishes he could and that is all. i think my optimism works against me here. i think i know what stops him. it's complicated because it's not just one thing...but a collection of life experiences.

i love him, but i don't know if i'm stong enough for all this sometimes.

 

[Torrid75]

Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I know how it is to wish everyday for months to hear I love you. Three words that mean so much but sometimes you just have to watch his actions and that tells you all you need to know. With these guys I know it's an up and down roller coaster and they are all different but at the core I think we can never be to optimistic, they need the possibilities....I personally think your responses were perfect. You didn't push, just had a conversation. Let him know your trying to understand but sometimes it is hard on you and that it's going to take time on your part. Take the opportunities when you can to have open/honest discussions, when you think he is receptive and will get it.

 

[Pretty Hurts]

thanks for the encouragement @Torrid75. the waiting to hear "i love you" really hit home....he's never said it. i don't believe he ever will say it. it hurts, and i question why i accept it. i remind myself of men before him that said it freely, who's actions showed it was not true. i do believe he shows it, in his own way....although he's not physically affectionate or romantic, i feel it. but lately, since he started school....most of the time i feel like i just get on his nerves. sometimes he says it too and i just want to die inside.

trying to keep myself occupied.

 

[Torrid75]

Remember this they take it out on those closest to them. They don't usually realize not only how much there body language speaks for them but also just how hurtful they can be. Going through it right now mines snapping/snarling, wanting to do nothing but sleep. Physically were OK but everything else yeah not so much. The looks oh boy I'd be dead on the spot if he ever acted on them. Things are different for us so while he's free with I Love Yous, don't believe him as far as I can throw him but actions really do speak louder a lot of the time. Just realize it's probably not you but your the closest to him so your going to bear the brunt. Keep that in the back of your mind its not easy but for me it makes it easier to not take it so personally.....

 

[Pretty Hurts]

@Torrid75 i have to remind myself not to take it personal. i really have to work at that in the centext of this relationship. when i go out into the world, i'm so confident and usually unbothered by other people's actions. i take nothing personal, unsavory exchanges roll off easily and i move on quickly. but i guess in my home life i'm just so soft and vulnerable. or at least i'd like to be able to be without being shamed for it and getting my feelings hurt.

 

[barefoot]

That sounds like a very sweet and tender exchange between the two of you. I don't think it looks like your responses were "too much". I think it looks like an emotionally honest - albeit cautious - conversation. And the fact that he said what he said is probably a big deal for him. Saying you wish you could express your feelings like you used to be able to whereas now you can't - that's expressing a feeling in and of itself.

Does it mean that, if he wants to, he can be that way again? Depends on lots of things... But I don't think it sounds like a situation where you can't have some hope - even if it means more small but significant moments like this.

 

[Pretty Hurts]

@barefoot thank you....it felt really sweet and innocent. like the little boy inside of him peeked out and whispered to me. i was so happy that he verbalized it, yet didn't want to be overly excited and turn him off. intense displays of emotion usually prompt the opposite from him. thanks again for your encouraging input.