Does It Get Any Better?

[Justmehere]

I've sent a message to my therapist. Asking if it gets any better.

Did you tell your therapist about the attempt?

Yes, it can get better. The first step is to tell your therapist as much as you can about what happened today, how bad you are feeling, and work with her to find that path forward to getting better.

 

[momja]

Brain fog after an attempt is never any help.

*sigh*
I did text my therapist. I asked him if it would get better.

The problem is keeping myself out of suicidal territory. Never mind trying to recover from PTSD. Never mind trying to have a normal life, I am constantly trying to keep my head above water and keep from sinking to this place- this place of wanting to kill myself. And I lost that fight today.

Sorry for the confusion. I really am.

 

[stillstanding2]

Sorry for the confusion.

Don't apologize for anyone else's confusion. Get the help you need, NOW.

 

[stillstanding2]

The problem is keeping myself out of suicidal territory.

I would also suggest, besides texting your therapist, that you write down and post the emergency number(s) for your area (ambulance, fire department, or police) for fast intervention in case your therapist does not return your text immediately.

Call, identify yourself, and STAY ON THE LINE until help arrives. I also hope you will keep us posted on your progress. We care.

 

[Panda Bear]

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've asked the same question...it does get better. It does! I swear, it gets better, it starts to hurt a little less, you get a little stronger. The pain is shorter and less extreme.

So many times, I've been where you are. Questioning and trying to stay out of that suicidal territory. Please, you are not alone in this and can and will make it through.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am constantly trying to keep my head above water and keep from sinking to this place

Sounds like me minus my therapist's cell phone number. What's up with everyone having their therapist's cell #? Sucks i dont as i have no one to reach out to. Venting ia the only way i can get out of a "fog"; was there the other day and just went to bed, took some sleeping pills and anxiety med (as i do every night) and slept it off.

 

[Panda Bear]

@lostforgottensoul. I'm sorry this hurts you. I also have my Ts cell phone, but he doesn't keep an office phone. Just a cell. Yes, I to have access to him via text should I need it. I really am sorry you do not, but we are here should you need us.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@lostforgottensoul. I'm sorry this hurts you. I also have my Ts cell phone, but...

Thank you! All i can get is the front office of the psychriatic office but he sees patients all day every hr and though i could ask the office to have him call me back, its between patients and would never keep him on the phone longer than a few mins and if needed as an emergency sort of thing good luck getting an appointment as he's booked generally a month or more (i make appointments, every thurs, 3 months at a time and call in the beginning of my last month to make 2 more month appointments) as is my pschritrist and she doesnt work fri or past 4 (wish i could do that tho she has the college degrees to do that) but its a pschriatric office, its not an inpatiant/outpatiant hospital dr; ive never been committed therefore dont know if those drs give out their cell; im sure they do as there was a reason you got committed to begin with. In my state in the US, you have to verbally state to an ER dr or a cop that you intended or do intend to commit suicide (or at least be found by the cops about to jump off a tall building or an over pass etc) to get committed so though ive been to the ER a few times in my 28 failed suicide attempts, from an OD, i knew better than to admit it was on purpose "yep, i took 250 pills by accident, oops"...lol, i use that example cuz i think all of the ER Drs were around my bed (about 10 including a psychitrist) trying to get me to admit it, i knew better; even a 3 day forced hold could make a person loose their job and if i was gonna live i had to work. Im sure thats the reason. If i had it, id probably be to scared of texting him, dont wanna bother him or interupt another session as the only time he took a text in a session was when his wife asked him to pick up lunch for his brother whom was coming in (it was christmas eve) and once he took a call when his car was in the shop but generally in a session he ignores his phone except to show me something related to what we are talking about so i get why. Just sucks is all as i have no friends, no one to text (cant talk during those times so i wouldnt be able to call anyone anyway), cant even talk to my dad and step mom whom live with me as they dont understand. My therapist sent me here for a way of support and ive sucked it up like a drug; always on this site to the point of being late from breaks at work and going an hr pasr bedtime lol. I think i was begging for support from somewhere, anywhere that underatood what i was going through. Im addicted to a PTSD help site; quite sad really but my entire life from min one has been sad; my life would make a good movie but i refuse to try to prove im not lying and its my truth, no one else's which is why the 3 times Dr Phil's staff called i said no with going on his show; im not publishing my hurts to the world!

If i ever was committed, id either pretend my way out or be committed forever cuz my own therapist is the only person in this planet i fully trust and can tell anything to; took over 6 yrs to build that, first full yr he had no idea why i was really there. My therapist wouldnt be able to come there to see me as he sees patients in his office only (found out as my insur company created a hole) that he gets $125 an hr. He shares some with the office staff and im sure my pschitrist gets a good chunck of it as im not seei g her but once every 3 months for my anxiety med, but holy shit!

 

[Panda Bear]

I think the big difference here, @lostforgottensoul, is that you see a T that works in a group setting and not separate. Since I don't take medication, my resource is a regular(private practice) Liscenced therapist/trauma T. I think this affords a different sent if rules and freedoms. My T can choose what he does or doesn't do based on client need and his personal boundaries. Yes, T has general 'rules' per his client agreement paperwork. But he is not bound by a group practice.

Each one of us have different helpers.....

Either way, hang in there! And continue to wish others the same, helps.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think the big difference here, @lostforgottensoul, is that you see a T that work...

Probably, he used to be a therapist in a rehab and wasnt bound in a pratice before. I think he very much honors the time with his family, his son lives with him but going to college. His wife is beautiful and doesnt look her age. He's bent over backwards for my needs enough (charging me half price when my insur company had an issue that was their fault; fot my money back and now have an over $400 credit but i couldnt afford at that time $125 a week); called me between patient sessions; and worked me in at 8am before the office opened on xmas eve cuz he knew i needed him before xmas day. I cant ask for his cell number and he wouldnt give it anyway. He said he only gave it to one patient to make sure he got to the rehab place he was being sent to and was ok. Ive never asked him for it, just came up in conversation. Im sure its cuz he's in a pratice but i would never be able to gain trust with anyone else like i have for him and he's really good with 8 degrees.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@momja or guest ... How are you doing? It is your thread and all, you know? Have you considered signing up? There are several threads and lots of members to offer support here along with your T. Just touching base. Hope you check back in and know we are still listening.

 

[reallydown]

My failed attempt involved a rope as well...what stopped me was that I didn't even have the energy to tie the damn thing properly. Only a few people in my life even know about this...What has helped me? To be honest, it's still a constant struggle but being on this forum has helped. Actually going on a crisis line chat once helped. Someone I love also helped once. Small things but sometimes they make all the difference.