Im Sooo Upset!

[lostforgottensoul]

So people had been wanting me to start a diary here but every time i tried i would stare at a whire screen for hrs so last night i thought i would make my first post in there be my entire past, every last detail, which is a ton, my intro is only a 3rd, maybe a 4th or less of my past...and i was including a self done ritual that i do that i was so scared to make public on here. Its something my therapist wanted me to do on.paper but id get to a part that my body reacts to and id have to punish myself, cut down there, so i never finished it...but at work i wouldnt have the abilty to punish.

I was writing it on a notepad on my phone, it was VERY long buf included every detail and broken down like punsihments, the cult and the beliefs, the rituals....and i was copying and pasting it here, had to in parts cuz it wouldnt copy the whole thing..and my phone's clip boaed lost most of it but the first few paragraphs :cry:

Maybe tomorrow i'll write it as an email to myself so i cant loose it?

Ugh im so upset, spent all day and an hour and a hald past bedtime writing it. Unfortantly my past is a TON of stuff, it took 2 yrs for mu therapist to pull it all out of me! :(:mad::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[Neverthesame]

I have had this exact thing happen. Almost exact anyway.

I had written a novel for a post, then phone ran out of RAM. Refresh.....:bored: scroll down...:eek: Gone...:wideeyed: Draft not saved for some reason...:bawling::banghead::mad::poop:

That had me pretty pissed off for a couple of days.

Eventually I went back to it, rewrote the post. I think the second draft was better.
At least that's what I tell myself.

What a fascinating modern world we live in. We have access to incredible technology to enrich our lives. Designed to make every effort faster and easier than ever thought possible.

But, since all of these things were designed and manufactured by people. It's all inherently flawed. Causing us as many frustration related aneurysms as it does moments of gleeful delight. Lol.

In the most roundabout way I know how. Essentially what I am saying is.
I hear ya '. :p

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have had this exact thing happen. Almost exact anyway.

I had written a novel for a post, then p...

It was my fault, i was copying part and cut them, cut the biggest part but it wasnt in my clip board so went back to the memo looking for an "undo" but it had a "revert" but that took it back to my first draft, just to first few paragraphs and the rest wont come back.

Tomorrow im gonna write it in an email, when finished send it to myself so when copying and pasting its there.

Unfortantly my past is complicated and part of it makes my body react thus punishment...and im dealing with that now. Hoping to fall asleep first.

It just included something ive been terrified to make public (what will everyone think of me?).

 

[Seasounds]

I'm glad I'm not the only one.,I feel your pain. Look forward to reading your story

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm glad I'm not the only one.,I feel your pain. Look forward to reading your story

Thank you! I want as many as possible to read my diary, not just the first post, thats just to get me going on it, but its also to make the enirity of the "secert" simi-public. I need to be as transparent as possible to heal and make the biggest changes!

 

[WillyKat]

Do you have a google or evernote account? The nice thing about cloud-based apps like these is that you never have to worry about saving; they save things for you. And its saved in the cloud, so that even if the power goes out or your battery dies, its safe. Both are free, although if you go with Evernote, you have to limit yourself to the stripped down free version, which is good enough for most folks.

And you can have all the privacy you want. Major corporations are using google, for example, to store some of their intellectual property. So there's no worry about someone snooping on your writing.

When I want to post something, I put it in Evernote first, then copy it for posting to the forum, so even if the forum barfs on my post, I still have the whole thing.

We have inspiring stories to tell. I hope this helps.

 

[blackemerald1]

I know you are a techie since dial up or earlier. Stay calm, we will read what you write, when you do. I just lost a almost completed response to a new Post. Haven't a clue why. Maybe it was just meant to be.
Tomorrow is another day, you will write more fluently.
Please try to do it as calmly as you can. Have a break from time to time. Things may jump up & jog your memory if you do, then you can add that in.
Please don't punish yourself, if you want to help it heal you, make a promise to yourself that by writing, no punishment is the payoff.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you have a google or evernote account?

I do have a google account as my phone is an android but dont have a google cloud account as that doesnt seem to be free. I used to have evernote, i dont remember why i didnt like it and uninstalled it but i can reinstall it. But do you have to pay for a cloud account for it to save to the cloud even if evernote itself is free?

 

[WillyKat]

If you have a google account, you have access to google Keep and to google docs (or drive). They've never charged me for any of it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Please don't punish yourself, if you want to help it heal you, make a promise to yourself that by writing, no punishment is the payoff.

I cant make that promise, i dont promise what i cant be 100% i can do, even to myself. If i can get past the main part that causes my body to respond which then causes punishments, at work then i wont have a chance to punish, though my body responds.

I did have that urge last night before bed...urge for self stuff ***embarrasment*** (will understand why once you read it) and then punishments as i was re-reading for mistypes and trying to copy and paste which then got my body reacting, but was able to let my sleeping meds/anxiety meds put me to sleep before i could.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My parents dabbled in SRA and I have a few memories. So I want you to know that I believe you.

 

[blackemerald1]

Just try & stay calm. This is not a sprint, its a marathon, or the first steps in a new journey. Take it easy.