July of 2015 I went on a leave of absence from work. Did the PHP program. DBT, CBT, diaries of dreams, anger, eating , gratitude and others. Mandellas, adult coloring books, Zentangles everything and anything suggested to develop mindfulness and I did. I bought my own books and videos. I now have my own loony toon library. Then I got the first heavy flashback.
If it helps - this is very similar to what I went through. I had to stop work, and drop a bunch of projects, because of a major depressive episode that I just tried to push through (til I was sort of completely ground down, like a clock needing winding). And a number of months later, after doing the hospital, PHP, IOP, mindfulness seminar, starting with a DBT group, and beginning to get down to the real stuff with my new therapist, bam - PTSD symptoms start up.
For me, I know it coincided with having stabilized the depression enough to move on from only working coping skills with my therapist, and starting to get into stuff from my past. But my intention was not to delve into my trauma, at all. It just was there, not to be ignored. My therapist pushed on it a little as well, once I disclosed I had some rape in my past.
I believe that what let those containment walls around my trauma to just start falling down was the fact that I had some cognitive tools to use when looking at my past - and I felt a little more able to even acknowledge what had happened to me.
It was quickly really terrifying, to be suddenly in this new disorder. It was demoralizing as well. But my therapist was already exactly the right person I needed.
When I tried to tell my new T because by this time I was graduating from thr IPP and going once a week for individual sessions. She did not believe me, neither did the next one. That caused the negativity to start.
Yeah, this would be really horrible.
I'm glad you are trying again, with someone new. I hope it works out for you.
When we started doing the trauma work, I went back into the IOP. I was very, very fortunate that my therapist had been the person in charge of that program for awhile. They let me hang out there for months. It's the same stuff over and over again, but it gave me a piece of routine that I don't think I'd have managed on my own. It gave me some human contact. And kept reminding me that there were things I could do to calm it all down, on my own.
I'm just sharing that in case it's a useful way to think about this next leg of your work in therapy.
