“going unconscious” and forgetting session content - any advice?

[Tinyflame]

Yes I was going to say I think understanding, encoding and recall (retention) is affected by exhaustion, distraction, pain, illness, stress, related or unrelated triggering, even dicomfort (internal or external: temperature, pain, clothing, shoes, migraines, worry, pressure, fear, etc etc).

 

[Abstract]

Hi Barefoot, What you describe does sound like dissociation to me. That doesn't in any way detract what you acheived or mean this needs be a big problem. What I realised after a while is that dissociation comes in many flavours. I had one long term therapy experience end badly and this not remembering what happens in therapy is part of what keeps me out of it now. I'm sure it shouldn't but it does. What does your t say about this?

 

[barefoot]

@Abstract - my T thinks it’s different than dissociation. She says when I’m dissociating I get spacey whereas, with this, I am present and engaged. My worst dissociation there has meant that I couldn’t stand up because I couldn’t feel my feet. With this I am very grounded and can feel my body.

When I dissociate, I can’t really engage in conversation. I either can’t hear someone talking or I hear them but just can’t make sense of what they’re saying. And I struggle to speak because I can’t quite find the words I want or form a sentence. Or my voice gets hijacked completely and it feels physically impossible to make a sound.

With this, I am listening and speaking with ease and she and I are both making sense.

And then she’ll say something - and I think it’s slways something that takes things deeper/could move things on because afterwards I have a sense that I have missed something really important - and it’s just like someone has pressed a button and wiped my memory of the last couple of minutes!

It’s not something that has generally happened in therapy like this. Though I suppose before I would have dissociated long before the point I am getting to now when I forget. My head would have well and truly checked out by then.

It’s been happening lately when we’ve been exploring parts a bit. I think my T said that she thinks a part is sending me to sleep and that I’m going unconscious to something that is trying to become conscious. So, we dig deeper, something starts to emerge, a part gets scared/goes into protective mode and then I forget that part of the conversation and start to feel very sleepy.

I may not have got that totally right as this is all very new to me and I may have misunderstood T or misremembered. But I think she said something along those lines. Ish!

I totally get what you are saying about there being so many shades of dissociation. And perhaps this is just a lower level of it than I have ever got before. It just feels odd to have no spaciness/no getting trance-y. To have no run up to it - everything seems totally normal until, in an instant, something is just gone from my head.

Although I haven’t dissociated for over a year and I’ve been pleased with my progress on that front, I haven’t ever really thought that I have beaten it for good and it will never show up again. So, if this is still dissociation, it’s ok in that I hadn’t expected it now to be gone forever anyway. It just feels like a very different experience. And that feels quite strange!

I think also @Junebug is right with the puppy analogy. Perhaps there is just so much deeper processing and new insight coming at the moment that it is just mentally exhausting and makes me feel like I need a nap.

Whatever it is, it’s certainly frustrating!

 

[Suzetig]

I had lots of issues with dissociation, from spacey, unable to speak to full collapse/seizure type episodes. I also went through a phase of blacking out where I’d be doing something, or be in a conversation and appear totally fine, but have no memory of it minutes later.

For example, I’d be making a cup of tea and put milk and sugar in, two minutes later I’d do it again because I couldn’t remember doing it, despite being able to see milk in the cup. To anyone looking on I was fully conscious and present, but my mind was quite shut down. There was no pattern or reason to it, my mind just switched off for a few minutes.

In the end it resolved itself as I became less anxious and stressed, I missed less. Try not to see it as a mountain to climb so much as a thing to work around.

 

[IceQueencop]

There are 2 parts to memory, intake and retrieval. I just went through a neuropsych eval, my memory is fine, but retrieval is problematic because of everything else in my head. Yours sounds like a retrieval issue...?

There are times, however, when I will be in an important meeting, Doctor, psych, type of meeting and feel like I’m listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher. I know somebody is talking to me, but the words just don’t come in to my head. It is usually when I’m tired or stressed. Being mindful helps, but doesn’t completely resolve the issue,

It sounds like you have a good T who understands you, and is able and willing to really help you. Stay the course.

 

[hithere]

Thanks for the replies everyone.



It doesn’t feel like dissociation. I know that dissociation is o...

I have this happen to me in therapy at times. I learned that I also have parts that seriously do not want me to do parts work. I guess that's common, too. haha! there's a reason for that though. I'll be really engaged and listening, and then "blip" where did that information go? I can't recall it. At all. So what was useful for me in therapy, when I "forget" something that was literally JUST said that I was actually listening to, and then it disappears, is to stop. Together the counselor and I would then do the whole "all parts are welcome" thing ..all that therapy stuff, and see what comes up. It was (is) a part snatching the information away to protect me from something--usually some kind of pain or a feared repeat of abuse. :(

oh and the "forgetting" what was just said, I could tell it was something touching the trauma, or touching something painful---something about going "deeper"-- so a part was protecting me from doing just that, going deeper. Reading Jay Early's book is somewhat helpful in my opinion. there's an audio version too.

 

[shimmerz]

With this, I am listening and speaking with ease and she and I are both making sense.

And then she’ll say something - and I think it’s slways something that takes things deeper/could move things on because afterwards I have a sense that I have missed something really important - and it’s just like someone has pressed a button and wiped my memory of the last couple of minutes!

Yes, this happens to me still. I dip in and out of it quickly and can feel the 'feeling' of completely missing what someone has said as it is happening. So I have trained myself to raise my hand - get myself able to speak - and say slowly 'Would you mind saying that again very slowly please. And please watch my eyes when you say it again.'

My eyes give away the exact part of the statement that has me getting 'lost'. Luckily it is now a brief enough time that I can catch it with the help of the person speaking to me. Almost invariably it has something to do with houses, homelessness, shelters (any kind), murder. Those seem to be my trigger words.

 

[Stephernovas]

yep. sounds like me too. I will be posed a question, of my therapist will be explaining something and then wait for my response, but I have none. I often fall silent and she has to stay on some question for a few minutes (even repeating it) before I can muster an answer, if any. The other day she stayed on a question and tried to get me to answer, and I laughed at her telling her that it's funny because she thinks I have cogent sentences in my head as a response to her question and I'm simply not saying them. But, truth is, there literally is nothing there. Sometimes I'll get an image or a stir of emotion (not even sure which one), but even then it's hard to formulate a thought.

Conversely, I'll be somewhat engaged in session and conversation isn't bad, but later that evening when I'm reflecting on what was said...once again, my brain is blank. When I first started seeing her, I suffered a TBI so perhaps some of it is from that as well, but she's always written things down for me. Be it the trauma, PTSD or TBI, writing down my 'homework' has been helpful.

 

[Tinyflame]

it resolved itself as I became less anxious and stressed, I missed less.

For me, I still believe it's mostly anxiety, stress and overwhelm not even related to the moment, such as intrusive thoughts. Whether that be a degree of dissociation or not, anxiety and overwhelm underneath interfere with my retention and recall. Because if I see or hear it later or am reminded I can recall that was it (recognition).

But, truth is, there literally is nothing there

Sometimes I wonder if this ^^^ comes from too much there at once? By example, if someone (a relative stranger) asked you a regular question, and you had 10 different thoughts about it, and all the consequences of what each answer might reveal, and what you could say or not, or should without however revealing too much, about yourself or others (and the consequences of that), and where/ when it's appropriate, plus triggers, (etc etc), plus maybe pain(fiul), etc, what could the end result of feelings or words be? There's too much to safely know/ think/ speak at that moment, or in that company. (JMHE though).

 

[Stephernovas]

Sometimes I wonder if this ^^^ comes from too much there at once? By example, if someone (a relative stranger) asked you a regular question, and you had 10 different thoughts about it, and all the consequences of what each answer might reveal, and what you could say or not, or should without however revealing too much, about yourself or others (and the consequences of that), and where/ when it's appropriate, plus triggers, (etc etc), plus maybe pain(fiul), etc, what could the end result of feelings or words be? There's too much to safely know/ think/ speak at that moment, or in that company. (JMHE though).

I've experienced both. When too many thoughts of possible answers flood, I can usually "see" them passing by in my brain and can collect a word or two to describe it. Then I will occasionally start stammering out some sounds in an effort to verbalize them. Then, my brain literally is blank. It's like I forget how to human and am trying to figure out how to appropriately respond. It's weird.

*I meant to say 'Then, there are times where my brain literally is blank"

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't usually have a blank brain @Stephernovas . Except- some times during extreme grief and loss, either during, shortly after, or much after. Then I have. It's like, there is nothing left to think or say. I had it also once with SI (nearly did it), and once with severe chest pains.

Hugs to you. :hug: