15 year old chose death over consequences

[FauxLiz]

Some time last night the 15 year old daughter of my cousin collected her mothers current prescriptions took them and went to bed to die. This morning her family found her when she did not come down for school. The EMT that responded was my SIL also the cousin by marriage to the young lady and had to make the TOD call.

I understand the desire to commit suicide I have been there, I have attempted it unsuccessfully in the past I am just so lost on what to think or do. Last week the daughter was involved in an accident that required the motorcyclist to be airlifted to the hospital and they will live. The daughter was cited for DUI, driving without a license, and no insurance. The working theory is that she was so terrified of living with the consequences of her actions that she chose not to live.

I am really struggling with this. I am triggered with memories of a vehicle accident that I had near that age which should have killed me. I am struggling with how I don't let this death trigger me into my own suicidality and how do I juggle this in light of what I am currently avoiding at work.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I'm so sorry. I wish I had answers and relief for you. May the work stuff go much more smoothly than you're anticipating, and may your heart find space to grieve with all the support it needs.

 

[Freida]

That is so sad. There are no words to offer that can make it easier other than to say I'm so sorry

 

[Sideways]

That’s a truly awful situation. I’m so sorry, for everyone involved.

Try and be gentle with yourself. Thoughts are with you.

 

[Deleted member 34561]

I'm so very sorry for your loss and how it must be triggering you. Please try not to worry too much about work pressures as that can wait. Your first priority needs to be lots of self care and allowing yourself the time and space to grieve. If your boss is any sort of half way decent person they will understand. I do hope so for your sake. God bless you xx

 

[Friday]

Poor wee thing.

That age. Things are so clear. So absolute. So permanent. She sought her own justice, that one. I wish she'd had longer to know the world, and to learn. The dead are gifted the grace of best choices. Rather than afraid of the consequences, she sought out the worst possible of all consequences, and enacted them. No judge or jury would have killed her for her offense, yet? She took her own life in response. Afraid or courageous? Both, most likely. Poor, poor brave wee thing.

I grieve with you.

how do I juggle this in light of what I am currently avoiding at work.

I'd be tempted to burn the letters. Don't. But do hand them off to someone else you trust -outside of the organization- if you can. Hell. Rent a grad student who needs $100 to put it together for you. Take care of you & yours.

ETA... Regardless of your religious orientation... I'd tell the board to stuff it for the next week. You're sitting shiva.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s truly a shame... please take care of yourself.

 

[scout86]

How awful for everyone involved! Including you. :hug: This is sure the situation described by "a permanent solution to a temporary problem".

how do I juggle this

We all do this stuff our own way, that suits our own personal style. My own way..... There was a TV show, "The Prisoner" that was sort of a cult hit a LONG time ago. In the opening scene, the star of the show, the actual prisoner, is seen resigning from his job. He storms into the office. He yells, he paces, he raves, he slams his hand down on the desk, paperwork with it, and he resigns, then storms out of the office. It's quite a scene. He's tough, resolute, in control, exuding righteous indignation. It's great.

So, in a work situation like your talking about, I tend to think "How would I handle the worst thing I can imagine happening?". In this case, I'd visualize myself, doing a dramatic resignation scene where I get to at least vent all my frustrations. (And I'd recognize that there's a very good chance it's not going to be THAT bad.)

The work thing is a temporary problem. Take care of you & yours. :hug:

 

[The Albatross]

How to juggle it is to use prudence and self restraint so as not to over personalize the situation so that you're more available to provide support for your cousin. Manage your feelings independently and provide support for your cousin and her daughter independently in the way and as you can.

Personally I would likely avoid over personalization and too many particulars so I could be more effective to support my family... but if I can't do that I would explore why and learn my difficulty, issues and boundaries. Do no harm is kinda my go to thing in these situations. Less can sometimes be more.

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you everyone for your support. You are right that I have to take care of myself and not over personalize. As I was trying to sleep last night I realized that this was the first time that suicide had really touched those near to me not just acquaintances. I am probably taking this harder than some would as I have struggled with suicidal impulses/tendencies for nearly 35 years. This is really the first time that I have been able to see both sides of the coin the pain and anguish of the survivors while knowing the desperation and pain of the person that died.

 

[Joan]

I am so sorry for you loss and know how triggering it can be. It hits extra hard or maybe just in a different way I think when you have been there personally. I even felt some jealousy that they were successful and I was not. For me it is also hard to hear other's responses when they have no clue what it means to truly be suicidal. Try to take sweet care of yourself the best you can. Reach deep for all the tools you have used in the past.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally get the feeling of being torn between current situation going on with someone else- grieving for someone, or trying to help someone while you yourself feel triggered by what happened. I'm happy you wrote on here, I know it doesn't solve anything, but you're trying, it's a step. I know the feeling too-when I was younger even things like owing a lot of money and not being sure how to pay it back seemed like I'm the worst person and I'll never be able to live through that moment...I can't imagine how she must have felt. You can't do much for that, but please take as good care for yourself as you can.