Supporter 20 Years Of Love Gone In Half An Hour.

[Sandra]

My so called mother's father also did it. And that's when my so called mother's abuse started getting much worse with me. That's when she started setting my hair on fire amongst other horrible things.

 

[jostle]

Older. That sounds dreadful - how your mum was. By the way (BTW) I'm just thinking that if we want to keep talking we might need to do it under a different thread perhaps or via messaging, however that works. I'm enjoying the exchange, but I'm just aware that we're on someone else's introduction. What do you think?

 

[Sandra]

Yea we are getting off topic a bit.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Thank you all for your comments. I've sort of avoided geting back on line but glad I did.

For the person who asked how old my kids are there 17b, 14g,10g the 17 and 10 year olds now live with me. The 14 year old did come home but found it to sad and returned to her mother. Her mother Isn't being the mother she neeeds to be, my daughter is dateing older guys she now has mental problems. Her mother works full time and spends the rest of her time at the pub. My daughter now lies like her mother and I think its the fact she has a free run that she still there.

She has been cuttng her self with over 300 cuts all over her body. It kills me inside. I am one of the hardest people you could ever meet, but love my family with every thing I have , anyone that knows me will say thats all I am, my family.

I was brought up real hard real fast, with not much love. My mother could not cuddle us or she would of been babying us. My father was a big man and a alcoholic. He used the strap on us until about the age of 11 or 12 when he thought we were old enough to fight. I first knock him out around the age of 13. He would bring men home for me and my brother (2yrs older) to fight from a young age. I knew nothing but fight when growing up. I thought every one done it. At the age of 14 , 15 I nearly killed my fathers friend in a fight , he died 3 times in the helicopter. I took myself straight to the police station and told them I had just killed some one.

Twice in my life I've had to think I'd taken another life and it not a good feeling. Thats when I met my beautiful wife, I was done with all that crap. Life was too short as it was and thats why we never fought just loved one another. I have never raised a hand to her or the kids I only ever had to raise my voice, but there great kids too.

As I was sayying im a very hard person I've only ever cried about five times in my life. One being a few years ago when I had to say good bye to my grandfather that only had days to live. It was hard. This what I'm going though is 10 times worse.

I've turned it to a sook. im crying writing this. I have to take myself in to the bathroom all the time to cry so the kids dont see. writing this is so hard for me. As I was taught you dont talk about your feeling your no man if you do.

Sorry if reads funny im not good with words. I am Aussi ..

<Edited by Amethist>

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Last night I recieved a text blaming me for the kids not wanting anything to do with her. So hurtful it angered me and I told my kids she had blamed me. I wish I hadn't. My youngest rang her and told her I was not the problem. My wife spoke to her so bad. I think she'd been drinking. is so wrong.

She says she still the same mother she always . She could not go 24 hours with out them she,s been gone 5 months now. She just dont see it. I'm the problem but I did nothing but love her. She has the most shocking attitude. She never had a naasty bone in her body.

I also find out a friend of mine of 15 years or so went and met her for lunch . I fell out with this friend two weeks ago . I dont know why she would meet him she don't care about me and his intention I'm un clear off yet. She told him she left because I wouldn't get up and do thing with the kids.. I did have a small amount of depression but was seeking help and she was very happy I was. So it dont make sence. and she dont see or talk to them at all. I think its because she dont have anything to use against me. Anyway finding all this out realy broke me I have nothing left I'm so skinny but eat non stop.

I've throw away my phone, I hate it. I hate text messages. I go to the doctors tomorrow. I need help before I'm dead. I would end my life now if it wasnt for the kids. I want the pain to stop. I've asked my family to just let me go. Taking my life isnt a hard thing for me to do I've had enough practice. I wont to die, but I cant they need me and they dont deserve anymore sadness. So I live everyday in pain. I thought there was only rock bottom. I reached that months ago, I now live in hell. I need to make a life for my kids I know this. Don't worry I dont let my kids see any of this. I try to be the dad they need. But I need to be better for them. Its just so hard. I dont talk to no one. She was my best friend .

Sorry every one. im very low at the moment. Sorry I've got to go my kids just got home i dont want them to see me like this..

<Edited by Amethist>

 

[Sandra]

I hope you are learning pysical fighting isn't the answer to solving problems.

Have you thought about going to an anger management course?

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hello,

Welcome to the forum! I am glad that you have been able to find your way to the forum. It really sounds like you have a lot bottled up that you have never shared. This is a good place. You could also start a diary asking people to comment or not (if you're not ready).

So you have two kids at home with you? Do you have regular contact with the ones that are living with your wife? In my opinion you would have more than enough reason to file for custody for the kids not living with you. It sounds like all of you are in need of help or therapy. I am glad that you are going to see a doctor. Maybe your doctor can guide you to help for you and your kids. Is there something like a child guidance clinic in your area?

This definitely seems like a major trauma for you and your kids. I'm guessing that reconnecting with her old friends, triggered your wife to remember and feel her own suppressed traumas. Not knowing how to deal with the emotions, memories, etc... she may be reaching for alcohol to numb her emotions. This is only a guess and for you at this point it doesn't really matter what the details are to your wife's decisions.

You need to take care of yourself, so that you can help and be supportive of your children. They need you! You are their model for how to deal with this situation.

Welcome to the forum! People here are really nice and this is a safe place to share what you need to get out...

Take care,

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Thank you. I would of welcomed all thoughts and idea's. I don't have much info on it. As I said Iam not to good with computer and writing. I may be kicked off I had my posts sent back for editing .i can't do it so I mite be on my own again. So thanks to the people that replyed. It's like everything in my life there's always something. Good luck to every one . I found it very hard to express my feeling as it was I may not be back. But thank u all.

 

[Saphy]

Thank you. I would of welcomed all thoughts and idea's. I don't have much info on it. As I said Iam not to good with computer and writing. I may be kicked off I had my posts sent back for editing .i can't do it so I mite be on my own again. So thanks to the people that replyed. It's like everything in my life there's always something. Good luck to every one . I found it very hard to express my feeling as it was I may not be back. But thank u all.

Don't take any offense to the corrections. Be glad that they were edited and not deleted. Your story nonetheless is being conveyed. I'm glad you have said something and are still standing strong for your children. Please don't give up. As for your daughter (14 g), please have her go into therapy whether her mother consents or not. It is important for her to talk about why she is trying to get attention in such negative ways. I also was like her at the age of 14 and realized that I was screaming for help... not for anything else. I just was too stubborn to admit it. Now I am 19 and am so glad that I stopped myself from going down the wrong path. I think as a caring father, you can make sure she doesn't regret her childhood when she's older. You came from a hard life and I think you have done such a great job holding on. In my opinion, keep a strong and involved relationship with your other two kids. Even if they don't live with you later on, make sure they can speak to you.

What your wife did within 30 minutes was stupidity and impulsive. I wouldn't trust someone like that with children. Also, it is important to realize that this other woman is only getting involved because she might have some pent up anger from other issues. Who knows? Maybe she's upset that your wife became such a strong and successful mother and took an active effort to break her down to pieces. I personally have distanced myself from people of my past for that reason. Because whether or not they were friends when I was younger is irrelevant. The fact they know so much information about me or "hypothetical" things I've gone through is enough for me to call them dangerous and unhealthy for me to deal with. I think you did good by throwing your phone. I think you should tell your wife to only email you at a certain new email address made just for her. This way the things are isolated and you can control when you see it and when you don't. Change your number completely and don't give in to giving her your number. Tell the kids that if they want to call their mother they have to use another phone. It might be expensive but it is the only way to keep your kids safe from her brainwashing. I have a lot of confidence in you being able to do this because you seem like a great father who would even fight with death to save his children.

Best of Luck,

Saphy... :)

 

[jostle]

Keep holding on. And try not to be ashamed of needing to cry - you're in an extremely tough situation and crying helps to deal with that. Crying makes you a stronger person because it allows a release of feelings. It doesn't necessarily hurt kids to know that their parent cries either - it can allow them to have their own difficult feelings. Hang in there, and keep coming to the site if you can - it will help.

 

[atl22]

Please, please do not be offended by the grammar correction. This rule is meant to help you because this is truly an international site and English is not the first language for many people here. If members find it difficult to read your posts, they will not read them and no one will respond. I have had a few posts corrected as well. It really isn't a big deal. Focus on how you can help yourself and your children. That is what is important.

I really believe that in your current situation, there will be many people here that will be able to help you. This site has helped me immensely and I could never express the amount of gratitude that I have for Anthony, Nicolette, the moderators, and members of this forum.

You can improve your life and the life of your children. Stay strong. Read the stories in the Supporters section. There are many posts that will help you learn how to deal with a PTSD sufferer. We are here for you.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Welcome to the forum!

I hope that you can see past the little grammar edits and stay with us. Don't be ashamed of your writing, it can be hard to concentrate on writing when it is difficult and you are feeling unwell. No one means any offence by correcting grammar. Consider it a helping hand, so that we can all understand each other better. You are welcome here and this is a safe place where we do not judge each other. We just want you to get the help you need so that you can be well.

It sounds like you need to start and continue telling your story, and I am so proud of you for taking this first step by telling your story here. It is a very important step in a positive direction. Please do take the advice of others here who suggest therapy. It has helped me and many others a lot and I hope you will find the same benefits.

I don't think that it would be wrong of me to suggest that we have all seen that pit and we know exactly what it looks like. But, in every pit, there is a light right at the top. That's how we know it is a pit ;) Look up and start working your way towards daylight. With the right help and support, I hope things will be much brighter for you soon.