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1. @Cashew :hug: :hug: :hug:
2. Had awful meltdown. Reminiscent of one my dad had- "How could everything be ok?/ You're lying/ you're hiding something/something must be wrong/ what's mom not saying"/burn all his love letters to her "because someone could find & read them"/ etc etc. "Something" must be wrong/ doomed. Maybe I can understand him better.. :tup: :notworthy:
3. Read too much in diaries. Did remind me however that every time I needed a restraining order/ more they weren't relationships, but stalking-virtual strangers. Good I wasn't involved, bad I didn't see it coming at all.
4. Realize I feel I don't deserve anything, any one, any help.
5. Realize feeling obligated to go out with guy who I remembered negatively from before only later causes me real fear.
1. I think terror & adrenaline burn a lot of calories, because I've eaten a pound each of peanut butter & margarine since friday. :eek: OMG. They were the 'light' version :rolleyes:
2. Very grateful for people here & irl
3. Slept through T-storm :tup: (^^ high blood sugar?). Thank God.
4. I hope one day I can be grateful & graceful. Versus the stress cup overflows. :(
5. Thank you @Cj77 , too many posts from me here. :hug:
1. Meltdowns feel like drowning in horrible terror. I'm going to pay more attention to uncovering triggers, to see for possible explanations/ causing thoughts. Because unrelated I figured out one today with somone in a car.
2. Had awful meltdown. Reminiscent of one my dad had- "How could everything be ok?/ You're lying/ you're hiding something/something must be wrong/ what's mom not saying"/burn all his love letters to her "because someone could find & read them"/ etc etc. "Something" must be wrong/ doomed. Maybe I can understand him better.. :tup: :notworthy:
3. Read too much in diaries. Did remind me however that every time I needed a restraining order/ more they weren't relationships, but stalking-virtual strangers. Good I wasn't involved, bad I didn't see it coming at all.
4. Realize I feel I don't deserve anything, any one, any help.
5. Realize feeling obligated to go out with guy who I remembered negatively from before only later causes me real fear.
1. I think terror & adrenaline burn a lot of calories, because I've eaten a pound each of peanut butter & margarine since friday. :eek: OMG. They were the 'light' version :rolleyes:
2. Very grateful for people here & irl
3. Slept through T-storm :tup: (^^ high blood sugar?). Thank God.
4. I hope one day I can be grateful & graceful. Versus the stress cup overflows. :(
5. Thank you @Cj77 , too many posts from me here. :hug:
1. Meltdowns feel like drowning in horrible terror. I'm going to pay more attention to uncovering triggers, to see for possible explanations/ causing thoughts. Because unrelated I figured out one today with somone in a car.
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1. Found a cigarette didn't smoke it, despite stress :) :tup:
2. From what I just lived I think I have many triggers I have denied to myself, or just totally did not realize. When I do realize, I know exactly why (could remember)
3. Had a FB, thought they were done for life too.
4. Passing of time all screwed up- I literally thought my watch stopped. Figured it out, it's because by the time I mentally checked out all the escape routes & what was risk-relevant etc, I figured with all that 'data' it surely must have taken twice as long as it did.
5. Wow. Yikes. Sorry for the 'yapping', sweet dreams to all. :hug:
2. From what I just lived I think I have many triggers I have denied to myself, or just totally did not realize. When I do realize, I know exactly why (could remember)
3. Had a FB, thought they were done for life too.
4. Passing of time all screwed up- I literally thought my watch stopped. Figured it out, it's because by the time I mentally checked out all the escape routes & what was risk-relevant etc, I figured with all that 'data' it surely must have taken twice as long as it did.
5. Wow. Yikes. Sorry for the 'yapping', sweet dreams to all. :hug:
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Recovery4Me
VIP Member
1. @Junebug I am not connecting all dots today but I do understand you are going through a tough time. So love, much love to you.
2. Also @Junebug congrats on not smoking the cigarette. That was a awesome feat.
3. I feel bonded with some of the members here and although it is sensible to use caution, some of the 3-D people that I bonded with were not what they appeared to be- to me neither. Hence some of the additional trauma.
4.. So I feel comfortable with the board-scape and acknowledge that people in experience or the mix of PTSD appear easier to talk to be it here or in 3-D - concerning living life with active symptoms of PTSD.
5. Today is almost over technically in my time zone and I will be glad.
2. Also @Junebug congrats on not smoking the cigarette. That was a awesome feat.
3. I feel bonded with some of the members here and although it is sensible to use caution, some of the 3-D people that I bonded with were not what they appeared to be- to me neither. Hence some of the additional trauma.
4.. So I feel comfortable with the board-scape and acknowledge that people in experience or the mix of PTSD appear easier to talk to be it here or in 3-D - concerning living life with active symptoms of PTSD.
5. Today is almost over technically in my time zone and I will be glad.
!. OMG - @Cashew , love to you on your birthday!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!! :inlove: xoxoxoxoxoxox !!!! :inlove: :hug: :)
2. Cashew's wisdom & advice is terrific. :tup: :hug:
3. Thank you @Recovery4Me . :hug: It's ok I know it sounds disjointed, some is but I'm connecting the dots. I don't express myself well.
4. I guess the bottom line is I am much more affected by past trumas than I could acknowledge to myself one bit. Like, terribly affected.
5. Hugs to all ++. :hug: :hug:
!!!!!!!!!!! :inlove: xoxoxoxoxoxox !!!! :inlove: :hug: :)
2. Cashew's wisdom & advice is terrific. :tup: :hug:
3. Thank you @Recovery4Me . :hug: It's ok I know it sounds disjointed, some is but I'm connecting the dots. I don't express myself well.
4. I guess the bottom line is I am much more affected by past trumas than I could acknowledge to myself one bit. Like, terribly affected.
5. Hugs to all ++. :hug: :hug:
1, I was doing much better before all this: I have had occassions at work where I've been properly assertive. I've gone out socially a bit. Am wearing less clothes to bed, which is grounding. I'm sleeping better when I fall asleep, was not having as many nightmares. I'm wearing skirts & dresses again. I started doing my back exercises. Made up my mind to get a hair cut appointment, made a commitment to no SI.
2. Didn't know fathers day would bother me.
3. Didn't know creepy guy would bother me.
4. Didn't expect to willfully re-engage creepy (as in something's ~'off'-?? ) guy. :( Feel like a freak there. :( Think it comes from seeing myself as the cause/ problem, might s well-go-with-the-flow/ get what I 'deserve'. Think SI is because I see myself as the problem.
5. Actually realize/ know I'm well-liked, get so many compliments every day, actually, but good people. I like people too. I have pushed very very hard to get rid of people, avoid people, hide from people, for their sake (I feel), & my own shame & fear. Especially after abuse, assaults, & then (also) end-result product of 'me'.
2. Didn't know fathers day would bother me.
3. Didn't know creepy guy would bother me.
4. Didn't expect to willfully re-engage creepy (as in something's ~'off'-?? ) guy. :( Feel like a freak there. :( Think it comes from seeing myself as the cause/ problem, might s well-go-with-the-flow/ get what I 'deserve'. Think SI is because I see myself as the problem.
5. Actually realize/ know I'm well-liked, get so many compliments every day, actually, but good people. I like people too. I have pushed very very hard to get rid of people, avoid people, hide from people, for their sake (I feel), & my own shame & fear. Especially after abuse, assaults, & then (also) end-result product of 'me'.
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1. Actually, I feel very thankful for, & unworthy of, the kindness & forgiveness & understanding & gentleness of those who are or have been, here & irl. Because I feel raw & 'a problem'. I can say "I've done/ am doing better" , but that's thanks to others/ God. :notworthy: :hug:
2. I also don't like being selfish. Nor causing annoyance to others, or disrupting/ being in the way of what they want or need. :(
3. I realize I don't think of anthing as 'my own'. I heard a little one from an orphanage say that, weird. I had so much more than that, Idk why/ feel bad / not entitled to say that (when he did).
4. Thanks again @Cj77 & everyone for allowing me to say so much here. :hug: (That's it, thankfully, btw. :eek: ;) :) ) :hug:
2. I also don't like being selfish. Nor causing annoyance to others, or disrupting/ being in the way of what they want or need. :(
3. I realize I don't think of anthing as 'my own'. I heard a little one from an orphanage say that, weird. I had so much more than that, Idk why/ feel bad / not entitled to say that (when he did).
4. Thanks again @Cj77 & everyone for allowing me to say so much here. :hug: (That's it, thankfully, btw. :eek: ;) :) ) :hug:
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Recovery4Me
VIP Member
Dear Junebug, for clarity I was referring to myself in not connecting the dots. I was having an misfire day due to the holiday impact.
2. I am constantly learning things however, it at times comes with an awkward feeling to adjust to the new politically correct phrase, laws or technology. At times, it is easy to grasp I am just unclear how I missed it happening
3. I am working on emotional regulation today, as I am all over the map.
4. Mindfulness often is a chore but centering.
5. I am sad that I will never win per say a 'normal' ticket and can not muster in the moment the bravado to let that fact of always having PTSD slide off my back.
jaccat
VIP Member
Why must my mind worry over good news just as much as it does bad?
Beautiful evening, makes walking a pleasure.
I could do without the gnats bombarding me though.
I still haven't worked out what's going on with my toe- random mystery pains. Fun.
I haven't given up on the Mindfulness, but I think it's given up on me.
Beautiful evening, makes walking a pleasure.
I could do without the gnats bombarding me though.
I still haven't worked out what's going on with my toe- random mystery pains. Fun.
I haven't given up on the Mindfulness, but I think it's given up on me.
- Post starter
- #779
D
Deleted member 19804
1. It's so nice to see my Dad smile
2. My dog is so adorable it's ridiculous
3. I can't stay on these ssri's for the rest of my life. It's not just fear and depression they take down.
4. I will no longer accept abuse of power
5. I need to stop being afraid and start taking risks for once
2. My dog is so adorable it's ridiculous
3. I can't stay on these ssri's for the rest of my life. It's not just fear and depression they take down.
4. I will no longer accept abuse of power
5. I need to stop being afraid and start taking risks for once
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