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5 Things I'm Thinking Today

  • Post starter Post starter Deleted member 29920
  • Start date Start date
1. I'm suspiciously calm today
2. It's nighttime but still not dark
3. I feel a headache coming on
4. The neighbours are emptying the trash and it scared me senseless (it usually doesn't)
5. Can't wait for tomorrow to try a new energy drink I just brought
 
- Over a month ago I extremely triggered myself by “fantasising” about my abuser anally raping me because “Maybe if she had hurt me “properly” I would be validated in being upset” …and subsequently never did it again.

- Physical violence not necessary for trauma

- Wondering what to cook tomorrow with the food I have in.

- Art I have (want) to finish

- Sexual arousal? Don’t properly understand it outside of the physiological, touch, egregious zones, happening wether you like it or not aspect.
 
Going on a date with my wife tonight.
Can we save our marriage?
New Zealand citizenship docs completed and sent to NZ.
Factors to consider building a new life overseas.
I can’t believe this is all happening.
 
1. Did I already create an “I WANT…” thread? I THOUGHT I did. Maybe years ago. I have such a difficult time wanting anything, I know I’ve made several attempts to make lists when the right headspace strikes…. Hmmmm. O.o
2. My 3 favourite, no, 4 favorite breakfasts, no (fanatical devotion to the pope!) 5 favourite breakfasts!
3. The times in my life those breakfasts were what I ate, every day.
4. Monty Python
5. Corsets

TWO (5 for 2 😎)

1. Oysters on the half shell (New Orleans; silk camisole, silk shorties, sunglasses, flip flops, wildly curling hair… crossing the street wet with bleach, in the bright sunshine & heavy spicy air (if one ignores the waves of bleach shimmering up from the pavement) from my apartment in the Quarter… to sit in the lovely cool shade of the Desire Oyster Bar, fan blowing away the bleach and replacing it with the cinnamon musk & woodfired ovens & crisply citrusy ice. I knew I was home, when I could walk outside in my PJs, with wild hair, and order oysters for breakfast.

2. Toasty 1/3 of a Baguette w/ just a whisper of ham, on a helluva lotta ooey, gooey, melted Swiss : Sensory Bliss (Everywhere I lived with a bakery near by, and an oven of my own, to the point that I would only lease places -after a time- in walking distance TO a bakery. Buy baguettes the night before so they’re shatteringly crisp, create happy-happy the next day).

3. Steak. ‘Nuff said.

4. BBQ/Charcoal/Hibatchi/Campfire Grilled Whitefish/Rockfish (mango salsa/ pico de gallo/ avocado/ grilled pineapple/ strawberries/ etc. quasi-optional!) Anytime I was living on or near the beach. Start a little fire, grill up some fish & fruit, go swim in the sea.

5. Leftovers…x a zillion when it’s leftover Pizza.
 
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1. When your job prospects crash with no change in sight, and you have no savings...yeah, that's the thought, my brain literally can't compute

2. It's hard to be in holiday mood if you aren't going to make enough to pay your minimums but all your clients are taking 2 week holiday vacations

3. Watching videos on the antiplanner are enough to rattle my brain into trying to do tasks but ghat is hard when you can't see a way out

4. Making budgets and being frugal is cute, but when you don't make enough it won't save you

5. I HAVE to find a way, so far nothing is coming up but I'm at least trying to work on the next task and update the list as I finish tasks
 
1. Something's very wrong but have no idea what.

2. It's raining, I don't want to let the cats out or leave the door open and it sounds like THERE ARE F*CKING INTRUDERS IN HERE!!

3. Dying in the fetal position seems comfortable.

4. There are some foods I want to eat again before I die.

5. I've been drinking black coffee for years on end, why do I still want to throw up everytime. This is like some kinda curse. 😑
 
1. Trust levels of humans across the board low after last therapy. Hit some nerve not identified or noticed by t.
2. Felt not here ish today.
3. For the first time with brilliant therapist, I want to run and not speak to her again. Not her fault. I would happily just leave. Feel locked down.
4. Paranoid about event have been about to work on. Not a dreadful trauma I think. Haven't been able to look at yet.
5. Massively ashamed to have been affected by above and other things. Feel it's weak and faulty and I am. And that it is somehow harming others. Shame. Guilt.
 

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