Relationship A Big Thank You... And A Piece Of Advice

[Deleted member 38137]

Having been on here for the last few weeks, I've met some AMAZING people and am thankful for all of the advice I've been given. PTSD is no joke for either party. Being afflicted with it is hell. Supporting someone with it is a different kind of hell at times.

If you are new here as a supporter, keep in mind that not only is this a complex illness, but some of the comments are complex as well. If you are a seasoned veteran here whether as a sufferer or supporter, keep in mind that some of us don't "get it" all the way yet.

I have Ankylosing Spondylitis. What??What's that, you ask?? It's a genetic arthritis that effects the spine and causes pain just about anywhere it wants to go seeing as it's an autoimmune condition. But JUST LIKE you wondered what that was when you read what I wrote, those of us who have never met/lived with/befriended/loved someone with PTSD, we have NO IDEA what this illness really is. Until we have witnessed it first hand.

Sure, we have seen it in the movies. But I never thought I'd be dating a version of Lieutenant Dan. Did you??

 

[ladee]

This is an array of very amazing people for sure. Happy you are here.

I am so very sorry to hear of your chronic pain.

Still trying to find out the cause of mine.

Appt. Next week. Hope he has answers and suggestions for managing.

I need to ask a question @PartTimeWarriorLover if it's ok. Don't have to answer if you choose not to.

I have always wondered how Supporters feel and think about us trying to help people who support .

Does it get too complcated? Are we clear and understanable to you?

Does it help to hear how complicated it can get for us to navigate on bad days?

Do you feel we speak another language in a way?

I don't reply to Supporters very often. I feel it gets so complicated
I know most of that is my own frustration trying to share with people around me who ask questions.

I know some close to me think I am lazy.it's just too complicated to explain.

I don't know why any of you even try. It just amazes me The strength so many of you have. We are not easy to love on our good days much less the bad times.

Sorry for so many questions. But I want to understand where y all are at with this complicated illness..

Feel like I used way too many words. Sorry.

Gentle hugs for your pain and deep respect for you loving Lt. Dan!

 

[Deleted member 38644]

This website has helped me as well. PTSD is a struggle

 

[Deleted member 38137]

It's complicated as hell if you don't understand it. I had HUGE problems with the Vet at first. I felt rejected a lot. He'd get on the phone with my sister and tell her how beautiful I am but then when I'd see him, he would act noncommittal. But actions do speak louder than words. He'd tell me we are done and then fight with me all night over text. Done ppl don't text. Especially guys. Lol.

Yes, you have a different language. My Vet says he has work to do. I used to get pissed off cuz his "work" might be after we just got intimate. But now when I say I'm leaving, he tries to direct me to the bedroom to watch movies, read, etc. I think he's getting it can be hurtful.

And no, you're not lazy. You're damaged. We've all been damaged in some way. Yours is just worse than some people's. I was damaged by abuse as a child, then later on as a spouse, have dealt with anxiety and depression. Slightly agoraphobic at times. But I didn't get PTSD. I've gotten suicidal due to situations but it subsides with stress relief. But it's been a long time since I felt like that.

When I got diagnosed 12 years ago with the AS, the doctor told me that complete spinal fusion could be in my future. And it is highly possible. But I did my research and found out WHY that happens. Weight gain and immobility. I PROMISED myself that I would NEVER STOP GOING no matter how bad it hurt and that I WASN'T GOING TO BE THAT PERSON that succumbed to my disease. And now I'm 44 years old and weigh what I did when I was 30. It's been work too. Hard work.

I'm in chronic pain for days, weeks, months at a time. But I think I'm worthy of love. And how could I not love someone else who suffers obstacles???

My Veteran is a hero. He might be a super dick sometimes, but he's still a hero to me. Anyone that suffers from an emotional and physical illness that didn't bite the bullet is a hero.

We love you for who you are. I would be quite the hypocrite to accept someone to love me when I'm achy and chronically tired if I had no capacity to love them back.

I'm where I am because I want to be here. Don't feel guilty because someone loves you and you're sick. You are not your illness.

 

[Muted]

I have a loved one with AK too. It's heartbreaking to watch the pain she goes through.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

I have a loved one with AK too. It's heartbreaking to watch the pain she goes through.

Worse would be not having anyone to love her. Keep it up. Rub her body when it aches. Stress makes it worse. Be her rock.

 

[Muted]

Worse would be not having anyone to love her. Keep it up. Rub her body when it aches. Stre...

I'm trying... she used to be so strong.

 

[Sighs]

Sigh! Yep. PTSD in the movies is always neater and tidyer than in real life.

The implication that Lt Dan was "cured" cos he got prosthetic legs and married an Asian woman never sat well with me... I know... it's a fairytale but still... it means a lot of supporters are waiting for their vet to be "cured". We think that maybe if we love them enough they will "get better". I told my vet when I first met him that I didn't have a magic wand and he shouldn't expect the relationship to be a miracle cure. Three years later I'm still coming to terms with the fact that he is often emotionally numb and at those times our relationship means nothing to him. :( And that those times come and go NO MATTER what I do - no matter how lightly I try to tread... Sigh!

 

[Muted]

Bless your heart.. you have a lot on your plate.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

I'm trying... she used to be so strong.

AS will make you weak at times. But it's cyclical usually for females. It goes into remission for me usually. It's very misunderstood because only 5% of sufferers are female. Most are male. Right now 5,000 mgs of Vitamin D3 daily will help. Exercise does as well. I CANNOT STRESS NATURAL RELIEF ENOUGH TO YOU. My sister has it too. She's 100 pounds over weight and she's MISERABLE. Don't get mad. Be her trainer. Exercise together. You'll see a difference. I promise.

 

[Muted]

She's extremely overweight and I struggle to eat. It's my mom. She has so much past trauma and now she struggles to walk. I'm barely hanging on and she was always my inspiration, but now it's like she's giving up too.

 

[ladee]

Thanks for answering all my questions. Helps me to answer some of talks questions.
And I know im not lazy...it's just too complicated to explain when someone knows nothing about PTSD.
Thank you for being here.
Hope we can all help each other on this very hard healing jorney.