General A Common Question; Hard to Answer - Why Do You Stay?

[Tammy]

I don't know about other partners but I am always being asked "why do you stay?" I sat down and really thought about it one night, and I wrote a poem to explain it. I hope it helps other partners faced with the same question...

A runaway train without a working track
A cup that fills and over flows
An iceberg, only so much to be seen
An inner turmoil no one else knows.
The anger, the hurt
the rage and the lies
Then there’s the faraway
look in their eyes.
Every day is a battle
But one things for sure
Nothing can change it
He’ll never be like before.
Where once was a person so loving and sweet
Now stands a stranger with demons to beat.
Demons that no one else understands
Demons that fight with words and not hands.
Sometimes the physical pain would be better to cop
You get over that; but not emotional rot.
Harsh words spoken can never be taken away
It doesn’t seem to matter what else they say.
The one who used to laugh and joke
And always wore a smile
Now hides within himself
Cos that’s the demons style.
It’s hard to express the way they make us feel
And yet we stay and pray that this isn’t real.
It’s hard to believe that it’ll be there for life
And I’ll fight to stay beside him; his faithful wife.
Yet I know the fate that will be mine if I stay
Nothing in the world would make me walk away.
I know about the mood swings and the uphill fight
And I know something in his head just isn’t right.
I know at times he’ll hurt me and yell and scream
And yet beside him is where I am in my dreams.
My partner has a problem, with only one name
PTSD; and that’s what’s to blame.
I don’t hate my man for the person he is now
I just sit and dream that some day, somehow…
It is hard to imagine what goes on in their heads
When they won’t socialise and just stay in their beds.
Sometimes I want to pull my hair out
I’m not going to lie
And the reason I stay is because
Without me, his spirit would die.
He needs me beside him, when the days are rough
And we’ll fight it together when the going gets tough.
I know I could just up and walk away
But my place is here and here I’ll stay.
Please don’t look at us and blame my poor hubby
Or look at the defence force and blame the army.
The problem here is the one thing to blame
PTSD, that one dreaded name.
I’m lucky; I knew before the start
And still I gave this man my heart.
Yes sometimes he is a real pain
And sometimes he can be a real jerk
But I love him today as I did from the start
It’s only the PTSD that hurts.
But I can’t blame my hubby for this nightmare
I just have to love him, and be here and care
we fight it each day, hand in hand
Cos I am his lady and he is my man…

 

[YoungAndAngry]

wow... i love it

 

[Jen]

Tammy your poem struck a chord. I found I was sitting there nodding and agreeing with the words.
Very true gives you something to think about:smile:
Jen

 

[Tammy]

I handed it to everyone who had asked and I think they understand a little better now...

 

[Deleted member 93]

Very touching. I don't know what hubs tells people or if they ask. You know that aspect never crossed my mind I just figured his parents were not pleased was as far as it went as they have seen a bad moment and ourburst. He tells me that there is no way they can look at the beautiful grand-daughter I gave them and doubt. (I think that is BS)

It is normally I who asks him this. As I think I would have run from this. But he tells me he sees me. He sees me mess up a lot and fall apart but he sees and knows the woman I really am and he gets glimpses of that before I get swallowed once again. He says he knows we will get to a better place as we work together and he will have the "real" me more often. The woman he is in love with.

He found me with this undiagnosed and uncontrolled. He still married me knowing I had something wrong. His only marriage. Not young. We planned and had our daughter before marriage. He is not a loser or gluten for punishment or unable to have ladies, he did. But he chose this one. Blows me away, but he sees someone others do not. Now we know it is PTSD and he holds on to me that much harder. It is love. I was diagnosed with this the first time a couple weeks after we married. We have been together a while but stalled the actual vows.

 

[jods]

Beautifully written Tammy.

 

[Nam]

that is awesome

 

[Andrea42]

Tammy...
As i read your poem over and over i get chills... it is perfectly designed. What an amazing way to express what you are going through, how you feel and how you deal with the situations that PTSD brings your way (as well as your hubbys).. very touching..
:)

 

[Tammy]

To veiled,
I am sure your hubby would say things similar to those written; I am sure that he understands, just as those around you do, that the mood swings come and go. And it is true that children are a product of their parents- so if your hubby says you're doing a good job (which is what I gathered from your statement about your daughter) then believe him; if you were as bad as you undoubtedly feel at times then your baby girl wouldn't be the beautiful person that I am sure she is.

I am glad this poem has struck a chord with people; it helps to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. Don't get me wrong I often think about how much easier it would be to walk away from him, but I belong here with him. The truth is I need him just as much as he needs me!

 

[Mystic]

All I can say Tammy is wow. It's all just so true, and even though I'm not married to this man that I'm with, I still feel all those same things that you've taken the time to think out and write. You've done yourself a big favor doing that, and those who read it, and understand it, will also get the biggest blessing they could ever receive. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.

 

[Tammy]

Dear Mystic,

I have been with my partner now for only 15 months. We aren't married either (but we are engaged). Sorry if I mislead you, it's just that we do everything like a married couple and thats how we view our relationship. Marriage, in my opinion, is one big day and a bit of paper... I don't need that to know that my man and I will love each other for ever. For me it was easier to say hubby than boyfriend; thats probably why it stikes a chord even fr those who arent married.